Man ? suffering economic abuse

Twiggy_34

I'm posting on behalf of a friend whose father we believe might be a victim of economic abuse from his partner.

At a "girls night in" last night my friends and I came to talking about one of our dads and we came to the conclusion that he may be a victim of economic abuse.

To summarise as briefly as I can, he's been dating this woman for maybe 2 or 3 years and, in the last year, he sold his house to his partner for a 3rd of its market price and has moved into the annexe of her property (while she has a male lodger living with her in the main property and he's paying rent to live in said annexe). She had his property developed (free of charge by an ex of hers who apparently owed her money) and sold it on for a tidy profit. He was in some debt which we believe prompted the suggestion to sell, but we're at a complete loss for how any person would believe this would be the best thing to do when he could have sold the property for 3 x the amount, settled his debts and had money to spare to buy himself a 55+ retirement flat in his home town.

He's in a position now where he's living in a village outside of his home town which has consequently left him very isolated and he has stopped visiting the friends he used to visit regularly and has stopped socialising in the pub he used to frequent. He even has rare contact with his daughter(s) now.

He's driving a clapped out banger while she has 6 or 7 vehicles on the drive, including high end cars like a Mercedes, an Audi TT and so on.

Somehow, she has also persuaded him to start having his wages paid into her account.

He's had a couple of recent incidences at his workplace where he's been for 35+ years and my friends is concerned for his job. Especially after he had a minor bump in his works vehicle which we believe may have occurred as the result of being scared to not answer a telephone call from his partner (yes, he should have pulled over somewhere but it is what it is). He also received a suspicious injury to his hand which he'd claimed he'd sustained from trapping his hand in a door.

My friend also believes that this woman goes through her dads phone (or has forced her dad into a position where he feels he has to share every message, call or conversation he has) as she received an abusive phone call from this woman asking her exactly what she'd meant by a certain text that she'd sent to her dad.

Last Christmas, his partner told him (on Christmas day itself) that he wasn't allowed to spend the day with her as she had friends coming round who didn't like him! Fortunately he was able to spent the day with my friend, despite the short notice.

We're unsure of how my friend might be able to help her dad out. They have a somewhat strained relationship themselves, especially in light of his recent actions, and she doesn't really want him moving in with her and partner, but recognises that something needs to be done. She's hesitant however because up until our conversation last night she's just believed his behaviour to be down to nothing but stupidity and is worried about the repercussions for her and her partner if he did move in with them if it turned out not to be the fault of this woman at all and all his own doing.

To our other friend and I, this all screams of some form of abuse and we wondered if anyone had any advice on how she might proceed to help and support him, and if there are any organisations out there which might be able to offer him financial guidance/support. If our suspicions are correct would he have any legal entitlement to try and get back some of the money he's lost as a result of this relationship so that he can get back on his own 2 feet. I also imagine he would need some sort of emotional support from an organisation which specialises in this sort of abuse to help him cope with the transition; particularly as she lives so close by and it's on a small community, the odds of running into each other just by chance would be pretty high.

Sorry for the long post, but I hope someone out there is able to offer some advice.

Thanks in advance.

marisco_2

I hope these will help


www.mankind.org.uk

www.mensadviceline.org.uk

whitewing

Get your friend to make a Clare's Law request to see if this woman has any previous convictions.

http://www.gmp.police.uk/content/WebAttachments/88A190F67550078780257A71002E5DC8/$File/claire's law other people booklet.pdf

Twiggy_34

Thank you both, I've messaged her details about the Claire's Law option and have offered to go with her if she did decide this would be a good course of action and she wants support herself.

BigAunty

It's not just economic abuse, it's probably domestic abuse, full stop.

The Womens Aid site (though aimed at women has universally applicable advice and info) makes clear that it's about a pattern of controlling behaviour and this can includes isolating a person from their friends and family, intercepting and monitoring their communications with others, physical abuse, disrespectful and critical behaviour and economic violence (controlling all the money).

Unfortunately, the site also makes clear that a successful abuser will render their victim docile and dependent on them, ruining their self confidence, making it hard for them to recognise their are in an abusive relationship or too cowed to do anything to change it as they feel so powerless.

Twiggy_34

Thanks BigAunty. I've messaged my friend with the details of Claire's Law and I think this will be the first move. I have a suspicion we'll gain little or nothing from it, but given the ex who supposedly owed her money before it strikes me that this woman has a history of this kind of behaviour so there is a small chance. If we do get some useful feedback it will help strengthen the argument to her dad should do something about it all and help him to recognise that he's a victim here and needs to get away from it all and start afresh. I think there have been subtle pleas for help from him previously, but at the time they weren't perceived in the way they might be now that we've had this conversation, so hopefully he'll be open to help if we can get it for him. Hopefully we can get enough information and support for him that we can intercept before things get any further out of hand. My friend has already made moves for him to regain control of his finances again, getting a new account set up etc, that in itself will be a start I think. Next step, if we can't get any outside assistance is to see if he can afford to rent a small flat so he's standing on his own 2 feet and in charge of his own finances. I'll get my friend to find out how much "rent" he's paying this woman now; if it's ridiculously low (and manipulating him into a position whereby renting anything else, anywhere else, is way more expensive) this could prove challenging but there must be something out there!