Advice for a father to be.

Chris-pi

Hello all,
First message here.

So yeah wife is pregnant.
World about to change, so any advice?

I work full time
Wife is currently not employed and not on benefits.

What options will this give us for paternity/maternity leave/pay?

most information I can find seems directed to working couples

thanks in advance for any replies

BitterAndTwisted

Presumably your employer has a policy on paid paternity leave, so if you don't have any written guidance ask your HR people.

zarf2007

Chris-pi wrote: »

Hello all,
First message here.

So yeah wife is pregnant.
World about to change, so any advice?

I work full time
Wife is currently not employed and not on benefits.

What options will this give us for paternity/maternity leave/pay?

most information I can find seems directed to working couples

thanks in advance for any replies

Book into a hotel for a weekend with your wife, then sleep and relax for the whole time.....because it's the last time you will be doing that for the next 25 years!

Good luck.

Happier_Me

Congratulations!

You may want to check out the link below. If your wife has worked recently she may be entitled to maternity allowance.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/maternity-benefits-technical-guidance

Advice from a mother of two, who had a difficult first born and not much support from DH (with baby number one anyway):

Please do your share - you have created this baby together. When our DD arrived my hubby still thought it was okay to play two football matches a week, train a couple of times a week and have a couple of drinks after work when he wanted to. He didn't look after his daughter alone until she was 8 months old. This took its toll on me, caring for a difficult baby and it was very isolating. Once he bonded with his daughter he was a changed man though and the support he gave me second time round was great. He now regrets his approach with baby number one.

Babies can be exhausting. Expect to put your life on hold for the first six months or so. If your little one pops out a contented, happy little thing then that's a bonus and you can start to find your new normality earlier.

Don't spend a fortune on baby stuff unless you want to - most of this stuff isn't necessary. Beg, borrow and buy second hand. You really don't need a fancy pram - for how much use ours got, I should have donated £600 to charity. The pram ended up going to a charity shop in brand new condition. You do need a new, good quality car seat though if you have a car.

And some advice I was given that I didn't follow but absolutely should have done. When your kids start to talk the things they say can have you belly laughing. Their take on the world is often hilarious. If I had my time again I would write down these moments because they are easily forgotten.

1DayAAT

Congrats man, I entered this world of first time fatherhood this year and what a ride it's been! I had 2 weeks paid Paternity Leave when our bambino first arrived and my employer has been quite flexible about anything else I've needed to do, such as appointments or last minute situations relating to the baby. It will rock your world. You're gonna love it.

maman

Chris-pi wrote: »

Hello all,
First message here.

So yeah wife is pregnant.
World about to change, so any advice?

I work full time
Wife is currently not employed and not on benefits.

What options will this give us for paternity/maternity leave/pay?

most information I can find seems directed to working couples

thanks in advance for any replies

Your world will change but don't lose all perspective. You're still a couple in a loving relationship with adult wants and needs. I think you might both need advice on this. Make arrangements for your wife to have some regular 'me' time afterwards whether its out with friends or just having a sleep. And if I was advising her I'd say don't let the baby push your husband out. Babies don't need to be all consuming, but they will be if you let them.

Chris-pi

Thanks everyone for some great advice


Yeah very excited.
We will be seeing the doctor soon as our first medical visit.
Done enough home tests and all the symptoms are there to say this is real

Yeah we will try and be strong and keep close together though this.
But yes I see this can be testing.

I was hoping to be with my wife more once the child was born.
But it looks like 2 week paternity is all I can get, ill talk to my employer soon.

And great advice.. I can tell the temptation to buy all new things and look for the best.. but your right we will be on the hand me downs and secondhand gifts.

haha Im already enjoying every chance I get to lay in.. it can't really be that bad right haha

seriously thanks for the advice I can't put a price on learning from someone who's got experience

ManofLeisure_2

maman wrote: »

Your world will change but don't lose all perspective. You're still a couple in a loving relationship with adult wants and needs. I think you might both need advice on this. Make arrangements for your wife to have some regular 'me' time afterwards whether its out with friends or just having a sleep. And if I was advising her I'd say don't let the baby push your husband out. Babies don't need to be all consuming, but they will be if you let them.

I think this such sensible advice from maman

My advice would be to accept all help offered from friends and family. I remember when our first child was born we felt that we 'should' be able to do everything and saw help as some kind of failure. Then, when the next babies arrived (twins), we realised that life would be better for 'everyone' if we accepted the help offered.

Congatulations to you both - hope all goes well

pinkshoes

Can you not now share maternity leave?

Taking paternity leave is at such a low rate, I advise you to save up for these two weeks!

Oh, and sleep! Sleep as much as you can, because you will miss it so much! (Unless you're like my DH who either sleeps through everything or has the ability to go straight back to sleep!)

barbiedoll

I wouldn't bother seeing your doctor (GP?) to confirm the pregnancy, he/she will just ask you if you have done a test and if so, he will refer you to the midwife either at the practice or at your local hospital. You and your wife can cut out the GP appointment and ask for a referral over the phone! The doctor probably won't do any examinations or anything, unless your wife has any ongoing health issues.

The 2 week paternity leave entitlement is enshrined in law but you may not get paid your full wages for it. When you see the midwife, you will be given an estimated due date (EDD) which will be confirmed at her 12 week scan, the scan date is generally more accurate. When you know the date, maybe you can arrange some annual leave to be taken either side of the EDD? This depends on how flexible your employer is of course.

Paternity leave info and claim form is here....

https://www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave/how-to-claim

Come back and join one of the many threads about babies, there are loads of helpful folk who will know what to buy (and what you really don't need!) and where to get the bargains.

Good luck with the pregnancy and congratulations!