Divorce settlement and adoption

Zanziba

This post on behalf of a friend, advice or knowledge please to pass on.

She is mid-divorce and has custody of their only child. She currently lives in the family home which her ex is wishing to sell. Decree absolute not yet done.

Her ex has moved into a family with 3 children in it (not his) and his girlfriend is pregnant with his child. Today he has reported that he has adopted the other 3 children.

Does this effect the divorce and possible settlement? Could that be his motivation?

Mojisola

Zanziba wrote: »

Today he has reported that he has adopted the other 3 children.

Has he actually done this or just told her?

Has he been living with the new woman for long enough?
https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption/adopting-a-stepchild

He can't make his child homeless by selling the family home. Isn't she getting legal advice?

Lone_Northern_Lass

I'm not sure about the answer to your question. I'd suggest she checks with her solicitor asap - but also (and the reason I'm posting is to make this point) asks her solicitor to ask for a copy of the Adoption Order.

Her ex may have informally 'adopted' the children, i.e. decided he's going to treat them as his own children, but I am sceptical about whether he has undergone the legal processes needed to obtain an Adoption Order and become these children's legal parent. There are all sorts of processes to be undergone in order for a step-parent adoption to take place - social workers need to talk to the children and write reports and there need to be court hearings and so on. Do you know if the children's birth father(s) is / are still involved in their lives? If so, he / they would have to give consent for the step-parent adoption or there would have to be special circumstances to overrule the need for his / their consent. Moreover, it sounds like your friend's ex has not been together with his girlfriend for a very long period of time - given that he's not yet divorced from your friend. I would think that there would need to be exceptional circumstances for a social worker and a court to agree to a step-parent adoption in such a situation. (In family matters, the social worker and the court are meant to be looking at what is best for the children - e.g. is your friend's ex going to be a permanent fixture in these 3 children's lives until they reach adulthood and is it in the children's best interests for him to become their legal parent? - not just do he and his girlfriend quite fancy it happening or will it make them better off financially?.)

I'm a children's social-worker, but don't have any experience myself of undertaking the procedures for step-parent adoption. So, I can't 100% guarantee that the ex in this case is talking rubbish, but I am very sceptical. Hence, my advice would be to check what he means by having 'adopted' the children - ask for sight of the Adoption Order - before worrying about possible financial implications if he has.

Mojisola

Lone_Northern_Lass wrote: »

I'm not sure about the answer to your question. I'd suggest she checks with her solicitor asap - but also (and the reason I'm posting is to make this point) asks her solicitor to ask for a copy of the Adoption Order.

Her ex may have informally 'adopted' the children, i.e. decided he's going to treat them as his own children, but I am sceptical about whether he has undergone the legal processes needed to obtain an Adoption Order and become these children's legal parent.

Me, too. Would he really be allowed to adopt a new partner's children while he was still married to another woman?

tomtontom

Mojisola wrote: »

Me, too. Would he really be allowed to adopt a new partner's children while he was still married to another woman?

Some people remain married for years and build a family elsewhere. This would not be part of the decision making process for adoption.

Lone_Northern_Lass

Edit - this was a reply to Mojisola, cross-posted with tomtontom.

My initial thoughts were that the ex is talking complete nonsense about having suddenly adopted 3 step-children. I tried to word my post cautiously, because (1) I'm not infallible and (2) there may be some circumstances we don't know of (e.g. the OP's friend and her ex have actually been separated 10 years and he's been living with his girlfriend and parenting her kids for the past 9 years and there are no birth dads to those kids on the scene and his girlfriend has recently been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness meaning there's a risk of the 3 step-children being orphaned imminently ...). On balance, I still think it's likely the ex is talking complete nonsense about having suddenly adopted 3 step-children

Lone_Northern_Lass

tomtontom wrote: »

Some people remain married for years and build a family elsewhere. This would not be part of the decision making process for adoption.

I've been thinking about this this afternoon and am not at all convinced about it. Any kind of adoption (kinship adoption, stranger adoption, step-parent adoption) is a legal process which has major implications for a child's life and welfare. Whether or not a man is married to the mother of his birth child is also a legal issue with potential implications for that child's life. I've not worked specifically in an adoption team, so don't know exactly what policies adoption teams may have about this. However, my informed guess is that if one were to approach the local adoption team about step-parent adoption whilst *mid-divorce* (OP's words) in relation to the other parent of one's birth child - unless there were exceptional circumstances, the adoption team would very probably take the view that you should go away and complete the divorce before embarking upon the step-parent adoption, rather than making both of these (major, involved, legally important) processes significantly more complicated by having them taking place at the same time.

Mojisola

Lone_Northern_Lass wrote: »

I've been thinking about this this afternoon and am not at all convinced about it. Any kind of adoption (kinship adoption, stranger adoption, step-parent adoption) is a legal process which has major implications for a child's life and welfare. Whether or not a man is married to the mother of his birth child is also a legal issue with potential implications for that child's life. I've not worked specifically in an adoption team, so don't know exactly what policies adoption teams may have about this. However, my informed guess is that if one were to approach the local adoption team about step-parent adoption whilst *mid-divorce* (OP's words) in relation to the other parent of one's birth child - unless there were exceptional circumstances, the adoption team would very probably take the view that you should go away and complete the divorce before embarking upon the step-parent adoption, rather than making both of these (major, involved, legally important) processes significantly more complicated by having them taking place at the same time.

This was my thinking - it would really complicate a child's life if their parent's new partner was to adopt them and then to go back to their spouse. Completing the divorce would at least show the proposed adopter was serious about cutting ties with their spouse and moving on in the new relationship.

marywooyeah

Building on Northern Lasses' posts I very much doubt that he has actually adopted the children - the adoption process is a long one and it's more likely that he means that he intends to raise them as his own/intends to go down the adoption route at some point.

With regards to financial implications for divorce, the husband's income will be reduced and his financial responsibilities increased by taking care of a new family, so the court will take this into account when determining the distribution of the matrimonial assets.

However, the main objective of the court is to ensure a fair settlement between the parties so whilst the financial responsibility of taking care of this new family could affect the award that your friend would receive, it doesn't necessarily mean that it will.

Lone_Northern_Lass

In addition to the ex's story sounding unbelievable generally, the issue of him having a birth child with the OP's friend is a big one. Adoption teams are usually quite keen on taking into account the welfare of children other than just those being adopted e.g. if a couple apply to become stranger adopters and they already have birth children, the social workers will look quite carefully at the potential effects of the family adopting on the birth children and will talk to the birth children about their wishes and feelings in relation to their family adopting. If the ex-husband described in the OP is having much contact with his birth child, I'd expect the child and / or the child's mother to be spoken to by the adoption social worker for discussion of how the proposed step-child adoption would affect that contact. If the ex-husband isn't having much contact with his birth child, I'd expect him to be asked some very searching questions by the adoption social worker about why this is the case and whether and why he is proposing to show significantly more commitment to his adoptive step-children than to his own birth child.

Thinking about all of this further -
when people are being assessed as stranger adopters (i.e. they will be approved as adopters and then matched with a child in foster care with whom they have no previous relationship) there is a specific requirement that the social workers speak to any 'significant' previous partners e.g. partners the prospective adopter has previously lived with, been married to, or had children with. I would be immensely surprised if it was possible to undertake a step-child adoption without one's ex-partner with whom one has a birth child being contacted by the social worker doing the relevant assessment. This social-worker will need to write a report for court including information about the proposed step-parent adopter's background, relationship history, parenting capacity, and so on - how on earth would they write such a court report without talking to this person's birth child (if the birth child is old enough to give a view) and this person's spouse / soon to be ex-spouse with whom the person has a child? (Adoption social workers are well aware of the fact that relationship break-ups can be messy and that ex-partners may be malicious when asked their views on somebody adopting. The adoption social worker has to ask the ex what they think and then assess in their report whether or not they believe the ex's views to be fair and reasonable. What absolutely isn't on is for the social worker not to talk to the ex at all about the prospective adopter's character and relevant parenting experience.)

All in all, I just don't think it's plausible that this man has gone through the legal process of step-parent adoption for his girlfriend's children *and* the first thing his wife and the mother of his birth child has heard about it is an announcement after the whole process has been completed.

DS4215

Wouldn't claiming to have adopted an extra 3 children (+ another one on the way that is his) potentially reduce the amount of maintenance he pays for the children from his marriage? That might be his strategy.