gay couple - is this domestic abuse?

katsu

Maybe you can talk to the one who behaved badly? Ask if everything is ok with them and talk about the incident? Maybe they might reflect on whet they are doing if they heat it shocked a friend?

rach_k

If it's a regular thing, I'd consider it abuse. Just because they're men doesn't change that. If it was a father and son with one treating the other like that all the time, it would be abuse. Being partners doesn't change it.

busiscoming2

I think I'd have probably said something at the time during the incident in the car.

If C was 'visibly upset' at the time but dismissed it later, my gut instinct would probably assume this is an abusive relationship.

BigAunty

There is a guide on the Womens Aid website about what type of behaviour constitutes domestic abuse. Even though their services are aimed at women, the advice and definitions they provide are helpful to all relationships.

It's about a pattern of behaviour. You've obviously seen one unacceptable incident and it's going to be hard to know what they are like in private and if there is mutual abuse, for instance.

The Womens Aid website also makes clear there are many reasons why the victim may not recognise or accept that they are being subject to domestic abuse and it typically takes many instances of abuse before they may feel like acting on it.

There are gay organisations that will have info/advice for same-sex couples and those who know them but it's probably principled upon WA lines.

Mojisola

This might help -
https://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/pages/gay-and-bi-male-victims-of-domestic-violence.html

marisco_2

This may also be of help.


www.mankind.org.uk

dancingfairy

It sounds unacceptable behaviour, whether it's between brothers, cousins, friends or 2 people in a relationship.
As others have said, do you think this is a one off? Is there something making one partner behave like this (I'm not excusing the behaviour, just trying to understand it).
I'm not sure I'd worry about labeling it to be honest. I think if you are worried you should raise it with the person on the receiving end and see how they react. You could say that you don't want to interfere but that you were a bit worried about them. At the end of the day you can't really do anything too much at this stage about from be there for them and encourage them to open up if there is an issue.
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Edwardia

Before he gave up drinking my OH would get all up in my face and bellow and if you're not the sort of person who can stand your ground yes it is bullying. Add in the casual slapping around thing and I think the angry guy is losing his perspective and not managing his anger.

I think some counselling or anger/stress management at this point might stop it developing into somethin more serious.

IMO your instincts are right, that this is not the kind of behaviour that a man who loves his partner should be indulging in. It's very self-centred and intimidating.

unholyangel

Personally I'd say having a complete disrespect for their partner isnt a sign of a healthy relationship.

They dont happen to live in a scottish city do they (although they used to live down south, I cant remember where!)? Just they sound remarkably like a gay couple I knew a few years back, same age, first initials and R was definitely a bully....grown man who once tore strips off a 15 year old due to said 15 year old selling the same type of item as C on an online game as a one off to make some quick money.