Taken me time to open this up!!

bollywood1610

Hi
I am new to this site and have been trying to work out in my mind for sometime what i am going to do.

I have been with my husband for 5 years and have a son who is 4 years old. Unfortunately, there is no love there anymore and i am so miserable about life which is now affecting time with my son etc.

My husband has not done anything wrong other than doing things differently to me and sometimes been selfish by not spending quality family time together as he would prefer to sit at a local pub with the lads. We have simply grown apart and there has been several family issues that have built up over the years that has just turned everything, including our home toxic. I need out!!

It certainly not a easy decision as i am essentially destroying that seemingly secure unit for my son, but i can not go on been so unhappy.

to cut a long story short and to get to the point why i need support is that the house is in my name and i have a mortgage on it with approx £74K outstanding. House values currently around £100-110K.

What am worried about is that due to our poor credit history (score 638 experian) that i wil have no chance to sell the home, split the profit and buy somewhere else. I doubt even whether i will be able to rent.

The credit history is to do with my husband been made redundant etc and hence we got into trouble. The actual debt amount is not that great - only £5K max. No mortgage arrears or CCJ's - just defaults and missed payments. We also resorted to pay day loans to see us through.

I do not wish to make things hard for either of us and want things to be as amicable as possible. It would be great if i could make a clean break and pay him what he was due, rather than just say, i am staying put becuase of our son and housing rights etc.

What should i do? I now have a great salary due to promotion etc so in terms of affordability, with a few lifestyle changes, will be OK.

Can anyone help/offer any advice. I am erally struck and so horribly miserable about the carnage i am about to bring down on the home.

I just want to be happy and at 36 with a 4 year old, who wouldnt want to be.

Any guidance is helpful.

GeorgieG_2

Big hugs x

I don't have much practical advice for the house buying and selling. However I do know when you rent a house they can not see defaults, payday loans, existing credit. They can see CCJ's. They work on affordability. There are tables on line which shows what rent you will be considered for in line with your income. Letting agents have always taken our tax credits and child benefit in to account as well.

bollywood1610

Thanks for the quick reply. I always thought they would look at everything on your file. That's quite a relief as renting may be an option whilst i have enough time to save for a deposit and clear off debts. Although, the thought of coming off the property ladder is frightening.

Ill check those tables out.

fivetide

Depends if you have a good record with your existing lender. If you've been paying and can continue to pay, they might let you take over the mortgage and buy him out. You'll need to give him 50% of the difference in the equity though so that sounds like £13,000 or so.

Finding that money might be the hard bit.

Good luck.

bollywood1610

Hi, the mortgage is in my sole name. All up to date and good history however; they no longer lend direct to consumers only through an IFA. So buy stuck with that as it would have been my first point of call!

BitterAndTwisted

It doesn't matter whether the mortgage is in your sole name. The property is an asset of the marriage. You will need to apply for a new mortgage raising enough cash to pay your husband his £13k.

Or, of course, if you earn enough to not have to rely on child-support from your husband you could come to an agreement with him to forgo child-support in exchange for keeping all of the equity. This will need to be drawn up as a legally-binding agreement to protect both parties.

WARNING: Pay-day loans and defaults and existing credit could seriously compromise your ability to raise a new mortgage so the second option might be more attractive.

jaylee3

Can't give you any advice, because I am not an expert. But I hope it all works out well. Especially since you have children.

pinkshoes

Daft question, but have you actually discussed this with your husband??

Is he aware you are so unhappy you want to leave?

What does he think? Is he also unhappy?

Savvy_Sue

pinkshoes wrote: »

Daft question, but have you actually discussed this with your husband??

Is he aware you are so unhappy you want to leave?

What does he think? Is he also unhappy?

This. I've seen a woman decide her marriage is over, and tell her husband so, before he's got an inkling anything is wrong. Yes, maybe he should have been more in tune with her, and DH and I tried a little bit of consciousness raising, but she'd made her mind up.

Going to Relate on your own might help you work out some useful strategies, or talk to him and see if he will come to. You clearly have some inkling that this isn't going to be easy and pain free.