Gift lists - what's right?

Modgepodge

Wow, so many people think it's rude to put gift lists in with invitations. I see what you're saying, but on the flip side I have literally never been to a wedding where there wasn't one with the invite. I'm in my 20s so it's only in the last 4-5 years I've actually received wedding invitations - previously I was just on parents invite and have no idea what was done about gifts. Maybe things have changed and it is now acceptable?

I certainly have no issue with them. I would always buy a gift if invited to the whole day, and would far rather give people something they want than buy something random they may not want or need. If that's money towards a honeymoon, fine by me. In the past, wedding gifts furnished peoples houses, and presumably the couple paid for the honeymoon their selves. Now, people pay to furnish their houses themselves (generally, as most people live together before marrying) and wedding guests often fund the honeymoon. Not sure what the difference is really!

I'm getting married next year, and if anyone wants to give a gift, we will ask for a contribution to our honeymoon. We may also have a small gift list as I know some people don't like to give money. I would hate not to send a gift list, then receive a load of gifts we don't want or need. (Eg my friends got a Hoover...why? They have one already...) a complete waste of the guest's hard earned money.

Also, thank you cards....as a wedding guest I've always been thankful to he couple for inviting me and invariably paying for an awesome party for me to attend! No idea why they'd thank me for attending?! I've never expected that. Have always received a card thanking me for a gift though, which is nice.

ellesbellesxxx

Personally I would rather know what someone wanted - I am delighted if it says in the invites what they would like
We said in our invites that the biggest present anyone could give us was coming to our wedding, for those people that had expressed the wish to get us something, money towards our honeymoon would be great...but we only did that in the day guests' invites, not evening guests.

lazer

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

No, I agree. I certainly think it's more of an American thing that's come over here. But it's inevitable some people will buy presents, how do you ensure you don't get the same thing many times?

You don't - if you get 2 things the same, you get 2 things the same!


Most things won't last a lifetime, so I think we got 2 dinner sets, 1 is in the attic for use when the first one breaks which it inevitably will eventually.


I love the gifts we got, I love cooking and picking up something and remembering who bought it for us!


Some guests asked what we wanted, some didn't - some give us money, some give us gifts.

minerva_windsong

Modgepodge wrote: »

Wow, so many people think it's rude to put gift lists in with invitations. I see what you're saying, but on the flip side I have literally never been to a wedding where there wasn't one with the invite. I'm in my 20s so it's only in the last 4-5 years I've actually received wedding invitations - previously I was just on parents invite and have no idea what was done about gifts. Maybe things have changed and it is now acceptable?


...



Also, thank you cards....as a wedding guest I've always been thankful to he couple for inviting me and invariably paying for an awesome party for me to attend! No idea why they'd thank me for attending?! I've never expected that. Have always received a card thanking me for a gift though, which is nice.

I didn't put them in because personally I felt it was rude and also had a weird sense of guilt about it, but it doesn't offend me when other people do it - each to their own and all that. I do appreciate some people do it because they don't want people asking them what they want and it's just easier, which is fair enough if it's what works for you.


Personally I'm sending thank you cards because even if our guests don't get us a present, they will still have spent money and time to come to our wedding (travel, hotel, maybe a new outfit etc) and I appreciate they don't have to spend that money and time on us, so I want to thank them for choosing to do so. Plus I think it's nice as a guest to have that acknowledged.

Ruby_Roo

My OH's cousin recently married an American girl, who we all love, and they're living in the US. I was talking to her last night, and we were talking about wedding gift etiquette and its so different. Her friend is getting married and the couple have emailed all their guests details of the stores they have registered at and this is apparently quite normal and accepted (and even welcome!).

I do understand the purpose of having a gift list, if you don't want one then people who don't want to give cash will just buy you tat - this couple had someone buy them some kind of painting with Hebrew words on it, not sure why as the couple have no Jewish connections. I know its the thought that counts, but what do you do with gifts which are ugly or which you'd never use?

I think it depends on your guests how they react to things. I'm very worried about appearing to give out a message of 'I don't care about anything else, just buy us gifts' so I'm trying to think how to be sensitive about it whilst also trying to ensure that any and all guests who want to buy us a gift know about our gift list. Its so hard.

Fuzzy_Duck

I'm not asking for anything because I think it's rude to ask for a present. As for thank you cards, I would send everyone one to thank them for attending. Obviously if someone did buy a gift I would thank them for that too.