Respite advice for elderly father with dementia

longwalks1

My father in law is 84 and has mild dementia, is very frail and been diagnosed with stomach cancer they can't treat as he's too weak for the treatment. He's bed ridden and mother in law is struggling loads and hes sometimes verbally aggressive towards mum. He has a carer go in twice a day but the care he gets is very poor, they',re forever running out of incontinence pads, forgetting his tablets, booking 30 minutes and spending 5 with him and 20 minutes on the phone texting. What options of care/respite is there? We are worried it's a minefield out there and you see so many stories of poor care, just wanted some advice

Thank you in advance

arbrighton

Have you spoken to the agency about the standard of care?

I am not sure whether you're looking for a short term respite or a longer term solution? Does he need care or nursing? Many homes will offer a respite or short term stay.

mummybear3

Where do you live? Here in Scotland Home Care is usually provided by the Social Work Dept. They either employ the workers themselves or sub contract the work out to other agencies. In the first instance I think you should contact the Home Care Manager to discuss your concerns (via your local social work dept). Insist that they review his care package. They will also be able to advise you re respite. You may have to wait until there is a space but here in Scotlans there is a rolling respite program which would allow your FIL to be in respite for a week a few times per year. If he has been diagnosed with dementia in the last year he should have been allocated a key worker who can assess him and arrange for him to go to a day centre or be taken out for a few hours with a carer. I hope this helps and well done for looking out for him.

Mr_Toad

My mother has dementia, I was her sole carer while she still lived at home. Last winter I got a chest infection and due to Mum waking and wandering about the house in the night I wasn't gettng the rest I needed and gradually got worse.

I called social services and told them I wasn't coping due to my condition and they sent someone out the following day. They arranged for respite care for Mum and she went into a home that day.

Contact Social Services and you need to be firm, they really are over worked and under funded and while ever they can persuade someone else to care for your Father in law they will.

If they seem unwilling to help thus forcing your mother in law to continue simply tell them that is not acceptable and that you will be taking your mother in law to live with you for a couple of weeks so she can rest. They have a duty of care and sometimes you have to force their hand and make them do it.

Of course non of this will work if your mother in law refueses to go with you or shows any flicker of compromise with social service who will then take advantage to dodge the problem.

It isn't that they don't care or don't want to help it's just one of the ways they prioritise who gets their resources, it might seem harsh but those that back them into a corner and give no quarter get the help.

Anyone who falters and says anything like 'Well I can perhaps cope a little longer' will see them heading for the hills!

It's only a minefield if you let them convince you it is.

growler834

Firstly - who arranged the care your FIL currently gets - was it themselves (ie. they are paying for it with a private agency), was it Social Services (Adult Services) and the Local Authority are paying for it (perhaps with your parents paying towards it) or was it the Social Worker at the hospital where your dad is being treated (again, Local Authority paying & your parents putting towards it)?

I'm guessing it was either options 2 or 3 in which case you want to get on to the Social worker concerned to air your concerns about the lack of proper care, especially as your FIL has cancer.

Are the carer's giving your FIL his medication & you mean they forget to give him it - something that needs raising urgently with the SW or direct with the agency. As for incontinence pads, it is not the carers job to supply them, only to put them on your FIL - if your FIL needs them due to his cancer then the district nurse should arrange for a good supply to be delivered to the house - if he needs them because of the dementia you need his GP to arrange for the Incontinence Nurse to visit & order the supply - either way they will be delivered to the address & shouldn't run out.

Has your MIL been given a 'Carer's Assessment' by Social Services - she should have one as her care needs should be taken into account & hopefully the 'care package' for FIL enlarged to take some of the pressure off MIL. They should also ask the Social Worker about respite for FIL to give MIL a break. Our LA allow 4 weeks a year partially funded by them if the patient pays towards their care package, or free if they are on very low income.

I hope you don't mind me asking but does you father have a terminal prognosis, in which case you should arrange for another assessment with the hospital social worker & his nurse/doctor etc as he may need more care being putting into place than he currently has. From what you say he is certainly not getting the care in his home that he should be receiving. I wish you all the best - put your foot down & don't be fobbed off.

ostrichnomore_2

You need to get on the social workers case, strongly. He may need a new care assessment (which should also cover your mother's needs as his carer). This doesn't sound at all adequate.

My Dad isn't bedbound but frail, and he gets 4 half hour carer visits a day, and they are full 30 minutes each time. It's essential.

Are they or the local authority paying? If they are paying then you can always change agency. If the local authority is paying, I'm not sure how much you can pick and choose, but you should complain to the agency and the local authority about not getting the full time paid for.