Short and Sweet Wedding

laurarobby

So i was on this forum a few years ago planning my dream wedding to the father of my children, he had an affair and left 9months before the big day!

anyway 3years on i have my two gorgeous boys and a wonderful man who we all love. we(I) have decided i want to get married but i dont want a wedding just registry office with the boys and our parents. what are people thoughts? my mum thinks im selfish (she hasnt said it but i can tell by the way she talks about it) its not about the wedding its about the marriage right???

Wellyboots6

Sounds ideal to me

redfragglebiker

I think you have your head screwed on in exactly the right way OP. A simple small wedding sounds perfect for what you want, especially given the previous circumstances with your ex!
Would it be possible to have a compromise with your Mum at all? Say have the small registry office wedding you want but let her have more of a hand in some kind of party or reception afterwards? I think Mums get carried away sometimes with the idea of planning everything and if it is a tiny wedding she may feel like she's missing out somehow so this may help fill the gap?

Nenen

Personally, I wanted a big wedding with lots of guests and a huge meringue dress - it was the 1980s ) and I loved every second of it. In retrospect, the only bits of the day I regret were the things we changed to try and please other people, such as having a disco in the evening. The fact is that you will never please everyone you know as there will always be someone who is put out by whatever you chose.

Therefore, I always say that the bride and groom should go with whatever it is they both want and raspberries to anyone else. :p:p Those who love you and know you well enough will understand your reasons for whatever it is you want.

A good friend of mine didn't want a big wedding (she detests being the centre of attention and her dh hates formal occasions). They had a registry office wedding with 12 people (immediate family and 4 very close friends) followed by a meal together in a local tea room (less than £10 per head). They spent the day the way they wanted to and it was lovely for them.

Do whatever it is that you both really want to do. However, don't let the fact that your previous partner chose the run up to your wedding to cheat on you, spoil your planning for the wedding to your new partner. I wish you both every happiness.

LEJC

Hi Laura...I remember your preparations last time...and its lovely to see you back and clearly very happy...


I think a registry office can be a lovely family special day and TBH is by no means a lesser way to marry!


Of course family always want to make suggestions,and I guess your mum just wants to be involved,but at the end of it it really is what you want rather than being pushed into something for the sake of it.


I guess a really good alternative to a registry office wedding could be something in a small hotel with a wedding licence where you all spend the day there. We recently went to a wedding that was like that,12 guests in total and the bride and groom and it really was a wonderful day.....it was also a midweek so prices I know were a lot cheaper than the traditional saturday....Possibly something for you to consider as a halfway house type suggestion if you feel your mum wants something more...but still retaining the intamacy you want..


Why does your mum think your plans are selfish....she can be just as involved with your day whether its in the grandest function room or outdoors on a hillside....!


It doesnt matter how you get married ...but that you spend it with the people you love the most and thats what your mum needs to come round to...its not wrong to have a big wedding any more than its wrong to have a small one...but what is important is that you spend the day how you want to....


Goood luck with your planning....and huge congratulations

minerva_windsong

If it's what you want then I say go for it. As others have said it's fine for people to make suggestions, but you shouldn't let them push you into doing something you don't want to do!


That said I can understand your mum feeling left out - especially if you're the only/youngest child and/or she's of the generation where it's considered 'proper' to have a big do. For that reason the small ceremony and then hiring a hall with a buffet and disco to celebrate afterwards might be a good compromise.

74jax

If that is what you want I would go for it, it is also my signature we had our wedding exactly how we wanted it.

It's your one chance at a wedding together, don't let people make you do what you don't want.

abby1234519

How about you do half and half? Have a registry wedding and invite your IMMEDIATE family ie Mum and then go for a really nice meal and you could even have a speech!

suki1964

Go for it !!!

That was mine and hubby's plan, me and him, his brother and my sister ( with partners) as witnesses

Then Mother got to hear

I still kept it tiny though. Registrars at 1pm and the invited guests back to ours for a buffet lunch in the garden

Sue.D.Nim

If anyone's being selfish, I'd say it's the mum. It's not about what she wants, it's not all about her.

Anyway, surely your wedding day is the one day you are allowed to be selfish and have everything your way? Do just what you want to, you don't want to look back on the day and feel you were pushed into any part of it.

I think it sounds lovely, and your mum will get over it

laurarobby

thanks for all your advice. we have spoke and we are going to registry offcie with, my boys, my parents and his dad & wife, he said if i wanted my bro could come too but im really not that fussed about it. after we will go to the pub (the one we like where the beer good and cheap) we were talking to people who went to a wedding the other weekend and as lovely as it was all they did was complain about the price of booze and how far it was etc. lol.

we dont want that we will let people know we are getting married a week or so before and tell there where we will be going for drinks and if they want to come out they can. i dont want to be stuck talking to people i just want to have a good night out. the boys will spend a few hours with us then go to there dads.

i dont think i could cope with a "party" would mean i had to be there and couldnt !!!!!! off to the pub across the road if i wanted lol x