How to cope some months?

changeforbetter

Expensive months when already in debt!? Aargh, just does me in really. Had 3 family birthdays close together, one for my Mum's and other for my (long suffering) good lady, another with my brother!

So hard to cope when you've been desperate to save money and you get 3 things that cost a bomb! I know they would all offer to pay for anything, but I'd hate myself so much if I made them pay at their own birthday meals etc!

To top it off had my wallet stolen when out two days ago - didn't cost me massively, but there was money there too now lost! I think I'm starting to lose it (my head)!

My long term situation looks awful - likely a drop in income rather than any pickup. So, I'm basically depressed about that too.

Had to vent, rather depressively, so apologies.

But how do people cope with months when the money goes out, regardless of all intents and purpose!?

catriona79

Hi there,

I know, it's awful some months!!

I have found that the only thing that works for me is to budgetaheAd. Think of how much you want to spend on all pressies, divide by 12, put that amount away in a savings acc - et voila!

Also, I do the same for all car expenses. It's really taken the pressure off, come insurance renewal date. Or MOT.

BJV

Just do the best you can this month and then start again. We all have months like this. One in a blue moon is not the end of the world but the hard part is next month to start again.


Just take a deep breath enjoy the b/days and start again. & do not be so hard on yourself the fact that you have tried to do something and are focussed on your finances is already a big step.

FireWyrm

changeforbetter wrote: »

But how do people cope with months when the money goes out, regardless of all intents and purpose!?

I know this is shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted, but things like birthdays are entirely predictable - they happen every year

To that end, I have a fund for such things which gets a small payment every month. It may seem like you cant manage right now and that everything is getting on top of you, but if you start to organise your finances with a proper and predictable budget, such 'surprises' ought to be a thing of the past. Try going with something like YNAB (you need a budget, google it) or even a simple excel spreadsheet for now and ensure that your spending is being used for the correct targets. I found that I was spending money on ad-hoc things and not paying attention to the bigger picture. The result was just this situation and it is entirely avoidable with some planning and forethought.

Make a list of your fixed outgoings - stuff you cannot avoid.
Make a list of your annual outgoings - stuff that gets paid once a year or so.
Make a list of debts.
Make a list of ad-hoc things like Birthdays and fun

Now, apply your pay packet to those in order. Anything left over goes into a 'buffer' fund of some sort which is where you start to accrue money to make sure you are never overdrawn. If you've been doing it properly for just a few months, you will find that the 'buffer' just happens and after a while, payday is simply meaningless because you have all your bills covered. This is especially true if you use something like YNAB which forces you to inspect and verify every single spend. It isnt just a transactions register and you need to make the mental shift from simply playing catch-up to actively anticipating spending in advance and having the funds ready to pay for them. It wont happen overnight, but most people who go down the YNAB route report positive results they could not have dreamed of within a few months to half a year.

changeforbetter

Thanks for the replies above - guess a common theme there is the allowance through some form of contingency savings. Savings is not a word I have understood very well for about the last 20 years!

I know I should try to save, though that always feels difficult when you are barely seeing enough to even pay minimum CC payments each month, let alone anything else.

I think I will try to make those plans though, if I ever feel it possible again. I must try to squirrel some steady money away regularly, I agree.

ViolaLass

Do birthdays have to be expensive? Might your mum be happy with a long conversation or breakfast in bed or help with something or a walk? Your partner knows about your situation, right? So she presumably wouldn't want you to spend money you don't have...

BJV

I struggle to save so understand how difficult it can be but I got an old fashioned money box only cheap pennies in fact and even if it was £0.10 I made sure that any lose change anything I had at the end of each day it went in. After 6 months with me & OH doing it I had over £800!

changeforbetter

ViolaLass wrote: »

Do birthdays have to be expensive? Might your mum be happy with a long conversation or breakfast in bed or help with something or a walk? Your partner knows about your situation, right? So she presumably wouldn't want you to spend money you don't have...

I've mentioned it on here a couple of times before, but not in this post - my partner is not fully aware no. Just something else that does not make me feel good. She knows I have debt, but for a few reasons I am not able to reveal all. It's not great I know, and my own fault, but I fear for my entire relationship on that front if I told all. So, I prefer to say that I'm trying to deal with it, while she doesn't know everything. To be fair, she's great to me money-wise even though she only knows some of the problem. That's more reason why I couldn't get her to pay for the birthday meal etc! My mum's similar, plus it was one of those 'big' birthdays rather than a normal one - typical this year! They're all great to me, which is why I didn't want to not pay this time.

Tixy

Quite a few suggestions for how to plan ahead in future and ideally build up funds for emergencies and known costs.

But for this month, can you cut all other spending down to an absolute minimum. One area that people can usually cut drastically for the short term is groceries. Whilst not much fun it is possible to live for a month on a very small food budget of as little as £30, possibly less if you already have some storecupboard/freezer foods in.
Cut out all other disposable spending for the month (entertainment/takeaways/non essential travel etc) and hopefully you can manage to squeeze the costs for these birthdays etc.

changeforbetter

Tixy wrote: »

Quite a few suggestions for how to plan ahead in future and ideally build up funds for emergencies and known costs.

But for this month, can you cut all other spending down to an absolute minimum. One area that people can usually cut drastically for the short term is groceries. Whilst not much fun it is possible to live for a month on a very small food budget of as little as £30, possibly less if you already have some storecupboard/freezer foods in.
Cut out all other disposable spending for the month (entertainment/takeaways/non essential travel etc) and hopefully you can manage to squeeze the costs for these birthdays etc.

Kind of close to my minimum already really! But yes, if I'm even tempted by anything this month it will be deleted from my shopping list. My partner buys most of the food each month already (my bad again). So I am usually only solely responsible for smaller shops. But I will be ultra-sharp on those for certain.

rockm87

I read an article on the MMM recently (try him out Im converted!)

and it was about frugality not feeling like deprivation. My OH suffers from this, and I couldnt understand why he felt so hard done by.

It's to do with your values, and adjusting accordingly, give it a read and see if you feel any better.