'You look well' - invisible illness - how to respond when you feel ghastly?

meritaten

mindfulness? you have managed to turn that around so the OP is the one who has to be 'mindful'. so YOU can march in and say 'OH you look well today'! and the OP who feels like carp, has to say 'yes, thanks very much'! to make YOU feel good?
that is NOT 'mindfulness'! and if you think it is - you are deluded.
mindfulness means something totally different I cant go into here.
we are talking about being 'sensitive' here. a different thing entirely!

Takeaway_Addict

meritaten wrote: »

mindfulness? you have managed to turn that around so the OP is the one who has to be 'mindful'. so YOU can march in and say 'OH you look well today'! and the OP who feels like carp, has to say 'yes, thanks very much'! to make YOU feel good?
that is NOT 'mindfulness'! and if you think it is - you are deluded.
mindfulness means something totally different I cant go into here.
we are talking about being 'sensitive' here. a different thing entirely!

I know what mindfulness is thanks. It can be used for the OP to understand the position of the person telling them they look well.

Rather than just presume everyone is being insensitive from good intentions.

jaylee3

meritaten wrote: »

mindfulness? you have managed to turn that around so the OP is the one who has to be 'mindful'. so YOU can march in and say 'OH you look well today'! and the OP who feels like carp, has to say 'yes, thanks very much'! to make YOU feel good?
that is NOT 'mindfulness'! and if you think it is - you are deluded.
mindfulness means something totally different I cant go into here.
we are talking about being 'sensitive' here. a different thing entirely!

:T The OP is not at fault at all!

Takeaway_Addict

jaylee3 wrote: »

:T The OP is not at fault at all!

What ever? So people should tread on eggshells at all points for fear of being 'insensitive'?

Surely if the OP did learn mindfulness they would appreciate the situation better?

meritaten

I cant be bothered explaining 'mindfulness' to you. or how to be 'sensitive'. you obviously don't understand. and if you did - you wouldn't have to 'walk on eggshells'. or perhaps just saying 'its about the sick person - NOT the person enquiring to their health?' would that give you a clue?

Takeaway_Addict

meritaten wrote: »

I cant be bothered explaining 'mindfulness' to you. or how to be 'sensitive'. you obviously don't understand. and if you did - you wouldn't have to 'walk on eggshells'. or perhaps just saying 'its about the sick person - NOT the person enquiring to their health?' would that give you a clue?

mindfulness
ˈmʌɪn(d)f(ʊ)lnəs/
noun
noun: mindfulness

1. 1.
   the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
   "their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition"
   
   
   
   
2. 2.
   a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique
   
   
   
   

Are you saying the OP would not benefit from this?

jaylee3

Re this ^^^

It just that you make it sound like the OP needs to take responsibility for what people say to her. Almost like you're implying it's her issue; when that is not the case. It's just an unfortunate state of affairs that cannot really be helped. And in some cases, it IS the other person(s) at fault; even if they don't mean anything by it.

But SHE isn't in the wrong and SHE doesn't need to change herself.

Takeaway_Addict

jaylee3 wrote: »

Re this ^^^

It just that you make it sound like the OP needs to take responsibility for what people say to her. Almost like you're implying it's her issue; when that is not the case. It's just an unfortunate state of affairs that cannot really be helped. And in some cases, it IS the other person(s) at fault; even if they don't mean anything by it.

But SHE isn't in the wrong and SHE doesn't need to change herself.

She is responsible for her reaction to other people, mindfulness would help her in accepting people may say positive things with good intentions without having a go at them.

Her reaction is 100% her responsibility and IMO she does need to change herself on this point.

pol-zeath

May be the OP was looking well, and, the person was being genuine.

ME is NOT a terminal illness. Many people make a recovery and live a full life
I have to agree with Takeaway_Addisct, a little more positivity and less treading on eggshells
.

.

jaylee3

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

She is responsible for her reaction to other people, mindfulness would help her in accepting people may say positive things with good intentions without having a go at them.

Her reaction is 100% her responsibility and IMO she does need to change herself on this point.

We will have to agree to differ. I think you're coming across as a bit insensitive tbh, and I don't think you're aware how mental illnesses and chronic illnesses affect people, and how they feel from day to day.

She can't help the way she is, and the suggestion that she is at fault is not helping tbh. And I don't see her 'having a go at anyone,' she is just asking for advice on how to deal with people saying 'you look great' when she feels dreadful, and especially when they KNOW she has M.E.

I am sure they mean no harm, but none of this is her fault.