PTSD,at last I know whats's wrong with me!

MARKA

Seperated from my partner last week and in the letter she wrote to me she said she felt as though she never knew me,felt no passion,no commitement.
We'd been together 10 years and these thoughts had been troubling me since before then,the distance I put between us sometimes,my inability to sleep,I can't remember when I had a full night's sleep,my irritability sometimes,snapping at her,never shouting or violence thank God.
In my sane moments I'd sit and weigh myself up and think what is it about me that is causing all these demons,this turmoil? I wasn't like this before I met L.
This weekend I couldn't take it anymore I needed help,I went to see my Dr,he asked me some questions and turned round to tell me I had PTSD, and explained it, I felt a weight come off my shoulders, it stems back to my first marriage,that my wife was a controlling verbal bully,who on occasion would lash out at me if I didn't see her point of view.
She ended our marriage but blamed me totally for its failure and I had years of belligerence from her,even though she had someone move in four months after I left,I lost my house,my business,the lot,but thankfully not my boys, who I saw and still see all the time.
I felt ripped apart,hollow. Felt as though my head would explode. Eventually I picked myself up and changed jobs,I do something now I adore and get well paid for it,I'm so lucky but not entirely fulfilled the robotic nature of my emotions will not leave me,the only time I feel intense pleasure is when I cuddle or am with my grandchildren.
This is not fair on L**,but I can't help it she feels no passion from me,something I always had before,blames it on the fact the relationships not right,but I know it is,we talk constantly,are never bored,share the same ideals,plus she's wonderfully attractive.
To know what it is finally wrong with me is a blessing,but I have one fear it may be too late to get her back even now I've a diagnosis,she may think its just a ploy,something Ive trawled up on the internet to get her back.
She returned the ring I'd bought saying there was no sincerity in its purchase,there was but not shown I admit from me,I feel terrible about that,my treatment of her.
And even now as I await to start treatment,to relieve me of these demons I fear I'll never have her again so she can get the real person not some hologram.
Her eldest has PTSD so hopefully she'll have an understanding of my troubles,though far worse than I have it,it must be said.
I keep my fingers crossed.

FBaby

I don't want to sound unkind, but if I was in her shoes, knowing that you have a diagnosis (especially one that was given after a 10mns consultation with a GP) would in no way change my feelings and mind about someone I've been with for 10 years.

So what if your GP has said that you suffer from PTSD? What difference does it make? You want her to think that it isn't your fault and therefore it is ok? The issue will remain in the short term whatever the cause especially if the issue with commitment is because she had expected a ring on her finger by now.

What you need to focus on is what you can do for yourself to get better, ask to be referred and see a counsellor, work on yourself. Whether it is PTSD, or the way you are, or whatever other reason, if you don't feel right inside, then you need to understand what you need to do to feel better about yourself.

I do hope that your partner shows you sympathy as a result of your diagnosis, but if she doesn't, don't give up and do it for yourself rather than just to get her back.

tomtontom

Is this what we call a bad breakup now, PTSD? If I was your (ex) partner I'd be telling you to man up!

HPoirot

Are you sure he said PTSD or some other acronym! It may be something else?

pleasedelete

Were you and her eldest involved in the same trauma? What was the trigger?

dandelionclock30

You have had years to sort yourself out but have chosen now because your wife is sick and fed up with you. Its pretty definate her giving you the ring back. It sounds like shes had it with you.
If I were you I would leave her alone and let her meet someone without all your difficulties and let her have some happiness.
Like whats already being said work on yourself before you even think of being with another person.

MARKA

FBaby,I am being referred and have made an initial appointment to a psychotherapist and the reason I went to my GP was that that's the first port of call for anyone I expect,he made an initial assesment using the guidelines but has referred me on.
I understand what you're saying about the diagnosis not absolving me of my responsibility and you're correct and I didn't say it should and I'm aware that it can't.
As for the working on myself,well that's why I took the intial steps and decided to do something about it after years of feeling as I do.