Anyone with experience of PTSD?

carrielovesfanta

Hi all,

My OH has been diagnosed with PTSD. He is on the referral list to get help for this, which is good but in the meantime I'm wondering if anyone has any experience of supporting a partner with PTSD and could give me any hints.

It's not combat related if that helps.

Thanks in advance

clf x

GwylimT

My wife had it after a very serious car accident which left her paralaysed , however she got a lot of psychological support as she lived in an nhs rehabilitation centre for eight months and as part of her rehab she saw a therapist three times a week.

Almost nine years have now gone by and it doesn't effect her that often now, I know for quite a few years she didn't drive as she was getting flash backs and she was worried what might happen if she had one while driving.

I don't know if charities like mind can offer you any assistance.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am so sorry to hear about what your OH is going through, I have PTSD myself.

I am sure you have noticed that he will feel anxious and panicky, depressed at times and possibly angry. It is the result of a severe trauma that was so awful that he hasn't been able to process it. There will be certain things that trigger a negative emotional response, but you might not always know what these things are. For example someone might have seen a black mug while the trauma was happening and forgotten about it. However, the subconscious remembers that so that seeing a black mug again may cause a panicked response without the sufferer realising why.

There is a lot of treatment out there for PTSD and it can be very useful. Therapists will work on helping him process the memories so that he can feel safe again and gradually the anxiety will ease. He may need to talk about what happened repeatedly for a while, or he may feel slightly more distressed while he works on it but if he sticks with the treatment it will help him a lot.

Be understanding of him (which I can tell you already are), let him talk as much as he needs. Reassure him that he is safe now and that you understand how awful what happened was for him. Understand he might find it hard to do things that others can for now, and don't push him but do support anything he wants to try. Also, remind him that he isn't alone with this, lots of people sadly have PTSD for a lot of different reasons and they can learn to process and control it.

Post here as much as you need for support for yourself, you need people to understand what it is like for you, too.

paddy's_mum

I had it following a traumatic house fire. It took me five years and a lot of help to recover. My recommendations?

1. Be prepared to listen, over and over again if necessary.

2. Believe the person and make it clear that you do, since part of PTSD is being uncertain whether what you have in your mind is a true memory or flawed perception.

3. Be willing to adapt the family dynamic a little to accommodate the problems but don't allow it to force a whole unhealthy situation eg allowing a wakeful sufferer to use the tv quietly in the early hours is one thing. Being told you may not go to bed before midnight "don't leave me alone!" is quite another. Normality is part of the healing process, in my opinion.

4. Do your own homework so that you have a clearer idea of what's going on in his head. For me, it was the realisation that my life could be snuffed out in a moment that shook my very foundations.

5. Seek all the help you can get and if it seems sparse, make waves until you do get the help he needs. Remember it's the squealing wheel that gets the oil.

Good luck.

marywooyeah

Hi, sorry to hear that your OH is going through this, but well done on taking such a supportive and practical approach.

I suffered from PTSD for about 6 years before it got any better. The only advice I can really offer is to be patient as it is a long lasting disorder and it can be very "up and down" - some days you're ok and others you can be incredibly low. Try to bear with him.

It can also be made worse by seemingly inconspicous things which trigger memories of the event which has caused the PTSD.

For example if someone suffered PTSD as a result of dental negligence, the sight of a dental procedure on TV could trigger memories. I know that's not a great example but hopefully you get the gist - try not to overly expose your OH to anything which will trigger such memories, but over time as your OH has counselling and begins to come to terms with the traumatising event he may feel ready to be gradually reintroduced to such things.

I fear I may not have explained things very well, but I really hope your OH manages to come through this with you by his side xxx

z.n

PTSD here too. Agree with the other posters completely. Be prepared for some apparently disproportionate and unexpected expressions of anger or distress. The triggers can, as other posters say, be pretty much anything. In my case it can be particular tones of voice, looks or phrases spoken among other things-can make social situations interesting. Also, anything that makes me jump can set me off. It can take a few hours to reel myself back in on a bad day. Sometimes i have to give it up as a bad job and just go to bed knowing I can start again tomorrow.

At the onset it was impossible for me to identify the triggers- I would leap straight into the panic reaction and not know what had set me off. The distress would be extreme and could last a few days. Extensive therapy and very patient DH meant that I leaned to 'rewind' and identify the triggers so generally now I can spot them within a moment or two and then talk myself down before I go completely down the rabbit hole. CBT was the particular therapy that gave me the immediate tools to manage the more extreme reactions. Medication was part of the package but I remember I tried four or five different drugs before finding a combination that worked- so it can take a few months to get the balance right.

I can remember standing for about 30 mins trying to decide what brand and size of baked beans to buy and walking out of the shop with nothing. I found it almost impossible to drive anywhere and information overload would occur anywhere crowded or loud. Whether ptsd or depression I don't know but decision making was almost impossible right down to whether I wanted tea or coffee. So make life easier and quieter where you can. It might be impossible to socialise and ptsd is not something you can be 'jollied' out of. It has to be worked through in as much time as it takes.

Seanymph

For me PTSD and depression went hand in hand. It was a very dark time for me, and cost me my marriage.

I didn't get much help, and am surprised at the number of people who say there is a lot of help available, I didn't find any, but then some days I couldn't find my way out of the house.

My husband (the new one) also had it - although I met him five years after the event, so by then it was just shades of it sometimes.

I dont' know what would have helped me from my partner. To be honest I was so busy trying to breathe in and out and deal with the internal storms despite all the medication that for me it wasn't about him at all. He barely figured.

I came through though, as did my OH - for both of us time wore away at the enormity of it until there wasn't enough left to show.

dizziblonde

I have it - CBT's starting to work, counselling did a little bit but only scratched the surface somewhat, and it's starting to clear a tiny bit now but with a long way to go. Round here you can self-refer for talking therapy like CBT and counselling - the waiting lists are awful of course but it's something possibly worth looking into.

It can be daft things that trigger a flashback - not stuff you'd anticipate... a jacket potato of all things started me off on one recently (there's some logic in why this did so which is too long to explain really)! I think it's just realising that no one is choosing to feel like this, or wallowing, or just not wanting to move on or any of the other charming things my mum's accused me of over the years!

nlj1520

I was diagnosed with it and refused to believe that I had it. However now, 6 years on, I recognise the doc was right. I have had some CBT for depression and been on and off anti depressants (mainly on). recently it has reared its head again in the form of general anxiety (at crippling levels). I have researched it, been to the doc and am back on the pills. Now that I am analysing what is going on in my head (panic reactions out of all proportion to the trigger) I am beginning to calm down a bit. Also on the waiting list for more therapy.
~I can't tell you how much reading this thread has helped. I know the OP was looking for advice and I don't want to hijack the thread, I just wanted to say thank you to the people who shared. It has helped me to understand that it is just in my head, I am safe now and just need to work through this and find some coping strategies.

To the OP......acknowledging what is wrong has helped me, the anti depressants help, supportive friends help (mainly by listening sympathetically and not letting me obsess), being in an environment I feel is safe and secure helps, time alone (but not too much) helps, keeping my brain occupied on stuff helps (stops the panic having time to get in), physical exercise helps (burns the stress chemicals in the body), beauty (nature, music, art, etc) helps and I am hoping the CBT will give me some coping strategies. We are all different, but perhaps some of these will help your situation. All the very best

Errata

MIND has some excellent information on PTSD http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-(ptsd)/#.U9DAAeNdWSo

marywooyeah

dizziblonde wrote: »

I have it - CBT's starting to work, counselling did a little bit but only scratched the surface somewhat, and it's starting to clear a tiny bit now but with a long way to go.

It can be daft things that trigger a flashback - not stuff you'd anticipate... a jacket potato of all things started me off on one recently (there's some logic in why this did so which is too long to explain really)! I think it's just realising that no one is choosing to feel like this, or wallowing, or just not wanting to move on or any of the other charming things my mum's accused me of over the years!

I only had counselling and like you say it scratched the surface but there was a lot more underneath. I gradually came through it using everything I learned in counsellng and with the support of my husband but it was a very long and dark time.

Your comments re your mum really struck a chord with me - people can be very insenstive and those kinds of comments actually hinder your recovery as they make you clam up more.

z.n wrote: »

PTSD here too. Agree with the other posters completely. Be prepared for some apparently disproportionate and unexpected expressions of anger or distress. The triggers can, as other posters say, be pretty much anything. In my case it can be particular tones of voice, looks or phrases spoken among other things-can make social situations interesting. Also, anything that makes me jump can set me off. It can take a few hours to reel myself back in on a bad day. Sometimes i have to give it up as a bad job and just go to bed knowing I can start again tomorrow.

I can remember standing for about 30 mins trying to decide what brand and size of baked beans to buy and walking out of the shop with nothing. I found it almost impossible to drive anywhere and information overload would occur anywhere crowded or loud. Whether ptsd or depression I don't know but decision making was almost impossible right down to whether I wanted tea or coffee. So make life easier and quieter where you can. It might be impossible to socialise and ptsd is not something you can be 'jollied' out of. It has to be worked through in as much time as it takes.

I also identify with this very much too - I tend to have quite extreme reactions to things even now, so what may be disappointing to a "normal" person can be devastating to me to the point where I cry uncontrollably, feel depressed for days on end and/or feel very angry which affects my judgment and decisions.

Over time I have found that although I still react this way to some things I'm quicker to recover from the reaction now and can start to think logically again.

OP I hope this thread is helping you gain some insight into PTSD. Although it is quite a mentally debilitating disorder there is a way through it xx