Divorce and separation thoughts

maxwd

Hi all, I am new here, so please don't judge harshly.

I've been married for many years now, no kids. I started to feel that our relationship is going nowhere, and I would like to think aloud here to clearly understand my alternatives.

We don't fight or argue, but I can't say we are good friends. Just people who live together. We have few if any common interests, and we tend to spend spare time separately. Can't really say this is a happy relationship.

Other couples would probably separate in this situation. For me - two concerns.

Firstly, I have no clue of how the divorce works and how property / savings / income would be split. Can you think of any good stickies or links to read on how time and costs involved and how the decisions to split assets are made?

Secondly, if I have to look for another partner I feel reluctant/underskilled going back into the dating business. By the age of 40 most candidate partners would have a family, right?

Thank you.

VestanPance

maxwd wrote: »

Secondly, if I have to look for another partner I feel reluctant/underskilled going back into the dating business. By the age of 40 most candidate partners would have a family, right?

Thank you.

Many people will be in the same position of not having dated for a long time having come out of a long term relationship/marriage. Yes, the majority of single people in their 30's/40's will have children from previous relationships.

philb120

As there are no children involved and you have been married many years I think everything would be 50/50. Most solicitors offer a free 1 hr consultation to discuss things like this. The question would be on what grounds the divorce would be wanted. By the sounds of it you would need to separate and seek a divorce later as there is no abuse/ adultery/ unreasonable behaviour ? although the finances could be agreed and sorted separately with a consent order.
I am sure someone else with more experience and knowledge will be able to help better.

pinkshoes

The best thing to do is discuss it with your partner. Perhaps you'll either agree to inject more energy into your relationship to revive it, or go your separate ways.

Relationships require continuous hard work.

Mattygroves2

All assets and debts (including pension) will be considered and the normal assumption would be 50 / 50 but it can be whatever the two of you decide. Some people trade equity in the house for pension rights or cash for equity in the house etc. The cheapest way is for you to agree amongst yourselves rather than start communicating via solicitors.

Morglin

A solicitor would establish establish your (and husbands) financial rights etc.,

Cannot comment on dating sites, as I found my DH when I wasn't even looking, but although we both have adult kids and grandkids, the two families have all sort of meshed, and we are now one large family!:T

Life is too short to stay in a marriage that is over, so good luck with starting again, if that's what you choose to do.

Lin

CP26

If you both agree that divorce is what you want it can all be done very simply and with minimal need for solicitor involvement. However money and assets does unfortunately tend to bring negative feelings up and it's not always that straightforward.

Wikivorce and their free helpline was great for me. They don't offer legal advice but can explain the processes to you and give you a clearer picture of your position.

The divorce itself is separate to the financial part although both are normally done in the same timescales.

1) complete the relevant court forms...these can be found on gov.uk site and you can do them yourself without a solicitor if you feel able to and your spouse is amicable.

One of you will be the petitioner (they do most of the leg work in the process and instigate the divorce) and the other is the respondent.

The petitioner will need to select a reason - adultery, unreasonable behaviour, 2 years separation, 5 years separation. In your case you'll be looking at unreasonable behaviour or you'll need to wait for 2 years and ensure you have your spouses consent to the divorce.

If you go for unreasonable behaviour you'll have to evidence it with around six good statements. They don't need to be horrendous but this bit can cause upset, particularly if neither of you have really done anything wrong.

With 2 years separation you'll only need to demonstrate that you've lived apart for 2 years or that you've lived separate lives within the same property (e.g. Separate bills, separate accounts, separate social activities - a little trickier to prove but doable). Plus you'll both need to agree to the divorce.

2) once complete you submit your forms to the court along with the fee

3) the court will consider your application and hopefully grant the decree Nisi.

4) you then have to wait a minimum of 6 weeks and 1 day before you can apply for your decree absolute. If this is granted you'll then be divorced.


Financially most judges will take a starting point of 50/50, however if you are both in agreement you can do a consent order. This will need to be drawn up by a solicitor but essentially you can decide between you what happens to everything you own. There are also a few forms to fill in, again you can do these yourself or get a solicitor to help you.

You'll need to wait until you at least have your decree Nisi before you can submit an order to court for the finances. Normally you'd apply for your absolute and the financial order at the same time.

If you don't agree then you'll need to attend a mediation appointment and employer a solicitor to apply for one of the other types of financial orders. More information is available on wikivorce and the .gov.uk website.

You can have the whole thing managed by a solicitor and many do 'fixed fee' options now if things are fairly straightforward when it comes to assets and children.

My ex and I decided we weren't making each other happy any more. It has been largely amicable but not completely smooth as this type of thing does tend to cause arguments and stir up bad feelings. However we're both happier now and have been able to do it all at minimal cost and hurt.