How do you keep things in perspective?

misskl

So after years of not worrying about money 'it's only money, more things are more important', 'it's only numbers on a screen' nor being too bothered about debt 'it's not much, I'll make loads of money soon and pay it off', I came down to earth with a bump at the beginning of this year with my LBM, realising I was approaching 30 with 12k of debt and had borrowed 22k in total over the last 12 years.


So I'm now not burying my head in the sand (pretending I can afford things etc). I have a money diary, and a financial goals spreadsheet, and am making headway, but the realisation of my errors has made me really depressed.


I can't believe what mess I've got myself into. Its going to take me a while to repay, as well as save up for my own home.


Plus, I really dislike my job and I feel very trapped.


How do you mentally put things in perspective (so you don't get too down), but at the same time accept the reality you are in?

newjam

Hi Misskl,

I am in exactly the same position as you. I hid away from my Dents for years and as i hit 30 it was like someone had smacked me in the face and said DEAL WITH IT!!!!

I have been finding it very very hard to deal with everything and due to this my relationship has broken down too so to top things off im also a single parent stuck with a lot of Debt.

There are 2 things which keep me happy

1. My daughters face when i can treat her with a toy from Poundland and she acts like i have given her the world (this is how i realise money isnt everything)

2. To realise i am a grown up and dealing with my problem head on and on my own.

I was in a DMP with would take me 14 years to pay off ( i was crying) but after around 12 months of looking at and trying different options i have found the best one to suit me.

Keep in mind you learn from your mistakes and that you dont need money to have a good time. I am 31 now and i am not worrying about buying my own house. I am worried about not enjoying my life. Alot of people have said but what will i leave my daughter as inheritance. I simply say i would have thought her up bringing would have taught her to be independent and not want or need inheritance.

You only live once enjoy it learn by your past mistakes don't relive them on a daily basis.

Sorry if i went on a bit there

Cheer up your doing the right thing getting straight.

hohum

'Just imagine if I hadn't had this realisation'. I think is the one I use. I look forward, so I think about how great it is I gave myself a choice to sort it out. And that shows some character, I think. Yes we got into a mess but we're also turning round, naming the monster and taking control. It feels a whole lot better than just running away!

Someone once told me 'rocks are hard, water is wet...whether we like it or not!'. So being sad about how rocks are hard and water is wet is not going to change how they are. I can't change that water is wet BUT I can choose whether I am depressed about that or accepting of the fact. We have the power to change our attitude, and that's what causes us the pain. Not the facts. The facts just are and the money has been spent!

I tend to feel better if I am taking small actions that make me feel at least like I am taking action and driving the journey rather than the debt driving it.

I also remind myself that it will not always be like this. Just because today is a bad day, doesn't mean that tomorrow will also be hard.

National_Debtline

Hello there,

I'm sorry to learn about the situation, it's very encouraging that you're on the right track about getting it sorted. I really just wanted to highlight that you're not alone. To give you perspective, our organisation helped in the region of 200,000 with their debts over the last year - and we're not the biggest debt charity!

Of course it's all relative, and being in debt can effect different people in different ways. I personally believe that you have come to the right place here on MSE. The amount of help, support and encouragement you'll receive really is incredible. In addition, you're always welcome to call our service (or one of the other fine debt advice charities) if you have any concerns, queries or burning questions!

For what it's worth, one of the key reasons I work here is that I got myself into all sorts of serious debt problems when I was younger. It was an absolute mess. I know first-hand how it feels, so I hope that helps me when I'm helping and supporting the folks I get to speak to either on here or via the telephone service.

Very best wishes,

David @ National Debtline.

Monkeyballs

Hi,

Small treats (little wins like a packet of Haribo on a Friday night) and realising that debt isn't a crime.

We're terrible in this country for hiding our finances and situation and trying to keep up with the Jones's when in fact... Who gives a carp? The Jones's are ducks anyway LOL

As soon as you recognise this you can stop worrying about everyone else and do your own thing oh, that and realising that looking at £10k of debt and saying oh well, another £200 won't harm is stoopid LOL

MB of G xxx

Karen777

Hi. For me, I still have bad days but nothing compared to the sleepless nights I had before I started dealing with this. My life is different in all sorts of positive ways. I look to the future with hope and optimism. I make plans for debt free life. I look forward to being able to quit my job if I want to knowing that I will have savings to fall back on (I dislike my job but the salary keeps me in it as it's allowing me to pay me debts off so every day is a step towards being debt free).

Look forward, realise you could have ignored this for another 10 years like some of us, you will be debt free by 35 and have learned to manage your money - that's to be celebrated. Be proud of how far you have come.

There will always be down days but try to remember with every day that passes you are getting closer to being debt free.

Kate_fixing_it

Stop beating yourself up! You can't change the past. It took me months to actually take this advice and accept that being in debt doesn't make me a bad person.

Like others I have lots of dreams for my debt free life but the biggest thing isn't the plans, it's the fact that I CAN make plans now. The end is on the horizon and I will be debt free one day.

I still have the moments of panic/stress/upset about the situation but I try to kick myself out of it as fast as possible. Debt has actually made me a better person - I'm more sensitive to others (I can now identify when they're feeling that way and sympathise) I've learned to tackle things head on instead of letting them fester or spiral and I'm teaching my children the value of money and budgeting.

If it wasn't for MSE I'd be in a very different place both mentally and financially. Each day I (genuinely) wake up thinking "I'm one day closer to debt freedom" and I may not do anything big to achieve it that day but I make my day count in another way. I refuse to crawl under a rock until the debt is gone (I am not wasting my precious time!) I'm taking care of the debt in a structured and responsible way - it may not be the way my creditors want but tough! They WILL be repaid but I'm not about to quit living while it happens or hide in shame because I made some bad choices IN THE PAST.

Kate x

Skinnylatte

Congratulations on your light bulb moment.:beer:
I threw myself into busting the debt and joined some of the challenges on here. The 1% challenge and make £10 a day. I started a diary, and reading other diaries helps immensely too, it all helps to keep me motivated and reaching every tiny milestone is a bit of a buzz. The day I found an absolute bargain on a facebook selling page that made me £350, the day I switched to a water meter which saved me I think £30 per month, and then they sent me rebate for about £150 too, winning £580 in a competition recently, £100s from flogging rubbish on ebay and facebook, phoning sky to tell them their landline rental was too expensive so they halved it and saved me £90 per year, sending off for a free energy monitor and finding ways to save power - £89 rebate from british gas, earning £600 through topcashback - I wouldn't have done any of these things if I hadn't had my LBM and got involved with the brilliant forums on here.
Why are you trapped in your job, can't you look for another one?
Don't get down, see it as a challenge...

Missko

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hoglet121

Like others have said I think about how much worse a position I would be in if I hadn't taken control and turned things around. I have also learnt to stop taking pleasure from shopping for shopping's sake and to control my money, not spend as much as possible.

The end is in sight and our debt is now manageable, it's a wonderful feeling to have.

tealady

Hi
The best way I found to get things in perspective was to set myself a taget each month of how much debt I wanted to clear. Then if I achieved more than that it gave me a buzz. Also like you I was in debt and in a job I disliked so I sat down and made a list of WHY I disliked that job, it helped me focus when applying for the next one.
HTH