What can my son do during uni break?

Miss-spent_2

I am worrying over nothing i,m sure but could you give some words of comfort?
My eldest son is 19 and home from first year at uni. He has passed all exams so that o.k.. He is fit and well, helps me around the house and is no trouble. what worries me is he never goes out or has any thing to do.
He does not have a great many friends (never has had) and those he has are working. He has tried for lots of jobs-supermarket, clothes shops, signed with temp agencies but nothing has happened.
I am worried that he is becoming more and more down. He just spends all day watching TV or on his lap top.
I have approached a reletive who has an office and asked if he can do work experience (for no pay) but they havn't got back to me.
All his pals are going away with new uni friends but he is holidaying with us.
How can my son get a life?

pboae

Does he want a job or would he be happy with voluntary work? What sorts of things does he enjoy? What does he want to do when he finished Uni?

bristol_pilot

Having done some paid employment during the hols will make a huge difference when he graduates and is looking for a career - ideally work related to his degree, but otherwise any PAID work. Even if it is just for a few weeks.

Miss-spent_2

He would do voluntary work. The thing is he needs someone to take him under their wing and encourage him. He is not very practical but will keep trying till he gets things right.
He is quite good around the house, not a bad cook (though slow) He prefers indoors to out.
His skill is in Maths which he is excellent at
Doesn't know what he wants to do after uni
I feel he desperately needs some life experience and something to make him grow up a bit.
He can drive and enjoys it

tanith

Miss-spent please don't worry about your son, he might just like his own company some people do.. My own son was very similar in fact at 30 he is still comfortable spending time alone. He did the uni thing and then got a job he loves, is doing very well , travels all over the world for his job and has the odd night out with colleagues but he still spends the majority of his evenings and weekends alone , he listens to music , runs websites and plays games , loves to spend time in the gym always alone , he's answerable to no one and likes it that way.. I used to worry myself silly but now I realise that he is happy as he is . Voluntary work would teach him a work ethic if thats what he wants....

Miss-spent_2

bristol_pilot wrote: »

Having done some paid employment during the hols will make a huge difference when he graduates and is looking for a career - ideally work related to his degree, but otherwise any PAID work. Even if it is just for a few weeks.

I absolutely agree but how?. He has tried but is not very confident and has had so many knock backs.
Before he went to uni he worked in a shoe shop on Saturdays for over a year and enjoyed it. Prior to that he did two sessions as a waiter in a big venue when he was 16. I never got to the bottom of what happened but it really upset him. I made him keep ringing but they never had any more work for him. To be honest i think he was a bit of a disaster and he doesn't want to try that again.

Oldernotwiser

What is he living on if he's not working? If you're not only keeping him but giving him spending money, he has little incentive to get a job.What about contacting companies he's worked for in other holidays or old Saturday jobs?

Miss-spent_2

Thanks very much Tanith. My husband says similar but i'm just not like that you see. Perhaps its a female thing but at his age i was always out, had loads of friends and did things i would never want him to do!

I just want him to have a girl friend and friends and be one of a crowd. I think he would like that too but it never happens. I just worry he will become depressed.

Re voluntary work, how do you go about finding any? (sorry to seem dim)

reehsetin

ive just signed up for some volunteer work because im insanely bored at home over the summer, apart from that working full time and trying to teach myself graphic design and photography...and im still bored
any interests he can teach himself?

Miss-spent_2

Oldernotwiser
Had one Saturday job as mentioned before. They have filled that now.

I do give him board and lodging obviously but not spending money. He has quite a lot of his own saved up. He is not that money driven so money isn't his main insentive

garbadine

If there's a particular area he's interested in working in, the best thing to do is write/email/phone every company he can find. I spent my first summer after uni working in a warehouse peeling stickers off books - it was really boring and an early start to boot, but it meant I had money over the holidays - and the most valuable thing for me was it made me determined that I wanted to do a job I was interested in, so I wrote endless letters to companies I was interested in once I got back to uni, asking if they had any work available (paid or unpaid). It was really disheartening as the vast majority never even bothered to send a bog-standard 'thanks but no thanks' email - but I struck lucky and got some work with one company. And I really believe that it's having that work experience on my CV from while I was at uni (after my first year, I worked every holiday and held down a part-time job during term-time) that meant I got a job almost immediately after graduating (while many of my friends couldn't).

Perseverence is the key - and also a phone call or letter from him personally to the company. My job means I get lots of enquiries about available work, and a call/email/letter from 'Mum' doesn't really convince me that the person concerned is particularly interested in working for my company, or that they have self-motivation.

I hope he finds something to occupy himself, and doesn't get too down-hearted about not getting responses from enquiries he makes.