£55k in debt due to gambling

back2square1

I don't really know where to start....

My husband has had a gambling addiction and I have recently found out he has amassed a debt of £55000. He shall be attending Gambling Anonymous this week. He has been to see GP who said the only help available would be the Gambling Anonymous and nothing for addiction therapy.

We currently have a car on lease hire which is over £500 a month and been back to Audi garage to see if we can swap for a cheaper lease hire but they weren't overly helpful. Ideally it would be better if we could lease hire a different car such as Vauxhall or Ford which would be a lot less a month.

My husband earns £3700 a month nett pay and our mortgage is £1000 a month. He has been in touch with Stepchange but because he earns so much they didn't want to help him as much.

We have 2 young children (20 months and 3 months old). I am a full time carer to my sons.

Any tips, advice or recommendations for where we can get help would be most appreciated.

Thank you.

Muhren

Hi back2square1. I understand this must be a very difficult time for yoiu having found this out but you have come to the right place for advice and support.

As you can see from my sig I have debts that are all down to gambling. I'm not sure about who he could go and see about the addiction other than GA but others will be along with suggestions. I found GA extremely helpful but it isn't for everyone but that should definately be his starting point.

I'm not sure what type of gambling he did/does but her eare some tips to actually help him physically stop;

Self exclude from the bookies.
Put a gambling blocker suh as k9 on all computers in the house.
Get a basic phone that has no excess to the internet.
Only carry the cash that he needs for the day, take control of all of his cards.

If there are anymore I can think of I will let you know.

It might seem like the end of the world at the moment but things will get better with time if he stops gambling. It will be tough to start with but you can recover from this.

Also if you post a SOA (hopefully someone will help me with a link) people will come along to help show you where you can cut back on areas of your spending.

Monkeyballs

Hi,

Try contacting Gamcare, I went to them and they were able to put me in touch with a local addictions counselor (they were 3rd party but can't remember the name sorry) who gave 1:1 support every two weeks and it was free.

MB of G

asparagus1968

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php




that's the link for your SOA.


Gosh, I feel for you.
could you try another charity? national debtline or Christians against poverty? Is OH on board with getting sorted out? are you absolutely sure there is no other debt he hasn't realised about? is everything for the household paid up to date? (only asking ask my friend found out OH had stopped paying house and car insurance to use money for gambling!)
once you have an SOA up more will be along to help advise you am sure.
best wishes, hope GA will help and support the both of you

bugslet

Just to back up what muhren said. I know someone who got into massive debt as a result of gambling, he found Gamblers Anon very very helpful and he's done really well in the last three years.

Best of luck OP.

KILL_BILL

do you have a joint bank account ?

which account does his pay go into ?

if you dont have a joint account would he be agreeable to his pay going into your account and then you dish out his pocket money in small sums

Seanymph

What a relief for you that you know now and that you are able to work with your husband to sort this out.

He earns a nice salary, and obviously has been spending beyond his means anyway, so once he stops that and all the money is available to the household you should easily be able to start making tracks.

The guys here are brilliant - post up your SOA, keep a close eye on your guy, and roll up the sleeves - it can be done so don't worry - it'll just take a lot of changes.

Karen777

Agree - get SOA done and start looking at repayment options. And good luck with it all. People on here have a lot of experience. GA is a great start I think.

back2square1

Thank you everyone, husband went to first GA meeting last night. He's yet to do a SOA but will tell him to get it done ASAP.

Thank you for all of your advice, it's much appreciated.

leicestersq

I am not sure that a SOA will help here.

I am not a gambler, well, maybe the odd lottery ticket and a losing bet on the Grand National each year, but luckily for me that sort of gambling is OK because I have fun, I dont spend much and none of it is spent with borrowed money.

Your husbands gambling is different, compulsive, on a massive scale, and despite his very large income, done with borrowed money.

It seems to me that your only solution here is to find a way to stop/greatly reduce his gambling. I can offer no solutions. All I would suggest is putting all your efforts into that. I doubt if you would have any issues at all with the rest of your household spend. Saving money by buying cheap brand baked beans isnt going to help one jot here, so I wouldnt waste much effort in that direction, all it will achieve is divert your efforts and attention away from the real issue.

Good luck, this is a difficult problem for all of your family.

Monkeyballs

leicestersq wrote: »

I am not sure that a SOA will help here.

I am not a gambler, well, maybe the odd lottery ticket and a losing bet on the Grand National each year, but luckily for me that sort of gambling is OK because I have fun, I dont spend much and none of it is spent with borrowed money.

Your husbands gambling is different, compulsive, on a massive scale, and despite his very large income, done with borrowed money.

It seems to me that your only solution here is to find a way to stop/greatly reduce his gambling. I can offer no solutions. All I would suggest is putting all your efforts into that. I doubt if you would have any issues at all with the rest of your household spend. Saving money by buying cheap brand baked beans isnt going to help one jot here, so I wouldnt waste much effort in that direction, all it will achieve is divert your efforts and attention away from the real issue.

Good luck, this is a difficult problem for all of your family.

Nah, I have to disagree here although I can see where you're coming from...

Problem 1 - Gambling husband.

Problem 2 - Big debts.

Each need to be handled separately, we can't do much more re. getting help or pointing in the direction for gambling help but we can help by looking where money can be saved to reduce those debts.

Good old fashioned money saving will help bring those debts down while the husband gets professional help - this will help the Op do something proactive as she will have limited influence on the addiction (sorry but it's true, if he's he not "in it" then you might as well be banging your head against a brick wall).

The other side of it is that the husband can also get involved, if he's anything like I was then numbers and lists are very appealing and debt busting is addictive in itself, just a more healthy one

Husband needs to both get help and not feel sorry for himself and the Op needs to not feel like a bystander watching her life unravel, posting and getting help here makes her feel like she's not on her own as she possibly doesn't want family and friends to know for shame.

Or at least, that's my opinion.

MB of G x