Every Loquacious Idiosyncrasy Treated Equally - 11+ ELITE Thread

Claire1972

Sunshinemummy wrote: »

Borrow from FB... for after the watershed

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:funny x

David.

Claire1972 wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:funny x

For the woman :eek:

Sunshinemummy

Enterprise_1701C wrote: »

How do you know they're male?

David. wrote: »

cos there isn't a constant whining noise

Because they have a little pimple... aka a p*n*s!

and they cannot tame a woman ('s hair)

David. wrote: »

For the woman :eek:

What is good for the goose is good for the gander!!

:D:D:D

purpledonkey

EMMAP wrote: »

Awww has everyone had a wicked day today? Certainly seems like it. Happy elite.

I did until some random blonde bint got into my car earlier

David.

purpledonkey wrote: »

I did until some random blonde bint got into my car earlier

Dolly P

Sunshinemummy

purpledonkey wrote: »

I did until some random blonde bint got into my car earlier

I love this word!

:D:D:D

aau1

Quavers still not working in scotland. They come back n/a now

I figured i'd give it a punt just in case

David.

Sunshinemummy wrote: »

Because they have a little pimple... aka a p*n*s!

and they cannot tame a woman ('s hair)



What is good for the goose is good for the gander!!

:D:D:D

Female chauvinist sow

purpledonkey

David. wrote: »

PD http://www.hotukdeals.com/deals/domestic-goddess-apron-asda-reduced-1-20-from-4-asda-can-click-collect-free-local-1942684

I have 4 aprons and I always forget to wear them when I'm baking

scamps1966

aau1 wrote: »

Quavers still not working in scotland. They come back n/a now

I figured i'd give it a punt just in case

No booze deals and now no crisp deals, how do you cope uo there? You ought to move down here. :)