Pressing charges

butterflylady

Hi,

I'm not really sure if this is the right place to put this so if it's in the wrong place please delete.

Firstly I'm a domestic violence survivor, I parted company with my ex 2.5 years ago, at the time of the last incident the police were called I gave a statement and he admitted to police what he had done but I did not press charges, how I wish I had now!!

But kind hearted me thought I'd give him a chance didn't.

Well after having to miss yet another school event due to his presence I'm fed up of being the victim and want to know whether I can now press charges for what happened 2.5 years ago?

I've tried to google but I can't find anything

TIA

Yorkie1

Generalised opinion coming up.

When you report a crime to the police, they investigate and part of that is taking a witness statement from you and finding out whether you'd be prepared to go to court if required to do so. Another part of that is interviewing the offender.

Depending on the level of the injuries (if any), and his previous record of convictions (if any), he might be offered a caution if he admitted the offence. If he accepted the caution, that would be the end of it.

If he was not charged, and was not cautioned, then I imagine that he will have been told that he would not be proceeded against for the alleged offence. Generally speaking, that decision to end matters cannot be undone if there's no significant changes to the situation.

You wouldn't be able to insist on resurrecting matters if he hadn't been charged or cautioned, because it's the state's decision to prosecute and not yours. That's unless you choose to start a private prosecution, which could be taken over by the CPS anyway.

There's nothing to stop you contacting the police to find out what happened and whether there's a possibility of re-opening matters, but I'd be surprised if they went for it.

Edit: Also, depending on the level of injuries he caused at the time, it may be that the case is too old in any event - the least serious assaults must be started within 6 months of the event.

bargainbetty

Why are you missing events because of his attendance? Do you still feel at risk from him? Do you think he might harm you in public? Or do you just not want to see him again?

If it is the latter, then you are allowing him to control you by not going. Go to things, and ignore him. Or be polite but distant, don't invite more contact than needed. You can stop being the victim by showing him you re not afraid of him by turning up. You don't need to press charges to show him that he has no control over you anymore.

If you are genuinely scared that he might assault you in public, then speak to the Safer Neighbourhood Team about having him cautioned. However, if he has done nothing in two and a half years, you'd struggle to get a restraining order etc against him.

Tiddlywinks

You could call here for advice:

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk

The police can charge without the victim's permission if they feel it is appropriate (if injuries, actions warrant it)...

Charging does not necessarily lead to prosecution:

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330003

I do think that you have missed the boat though - particularly as the police did not progress the case themselves.

You need to take control of your life. Why are you avoiding school events if your ex partner is there? You will be safe in the public space.... unless you feel he might be armed and not care about the consequences of his action - in which case you should already have sought an injunction etc.

Could you get a taxi to and from the event so you have company door to door?

Is it a threat of violence that you are worried about or just meeting your ex. If it's the latter then thousands of women every day see their ex partners (who may have cheated, lied, been addicts etc) because they share parenting.

If you are worried about violent behaviour then speak to the helpline and do something about it.

How do you manage your child's contact with dad?

butterflylady

I will always feel threatened by the man who was violent to me over a number of years, his intention on the last occasion was to kill me!!

He has only started to attend school events since he was verbally abusive to me in March which meant that my partner is now present at all collection and return of my children.

There is no need for him to be at the introduction event it is for parents with custardy the ones who will be taking the children to school, doing homework etc, none of things he actually does!!

It's just another form of control, the distance from school to my home is to short for a taxi but is long enough for him to attack me.

I have spoken to the police this morning and am waiting for a call back and arrange an appointment.

I have contacted the csa this morning to open a case against him as the next form of control will be his maintenance!!

Toto

You can contact the police and report any contact from him which leaves you feeling vulnerable. This could be text messages or phone calls, and of course, face to face contact. There are systems in place to deal with domestic abuse, this is not just physical violence from current partners. Please, do not hesitate to take control and seek help to deal with the situation.

barbiedoll

How does he know about the school introduction events? Do your children tell him? Does he see the kids?

I would consider having a word with the school in any case. If he turns up to take the child(ren) out of school, for instance, do the school know not to let him take them without your consent?

You shouldn't have to feel threatened in your everyday life, do you really think that he would attack you on the way home from school if you had the children with you? If so, you should consider an injunction that would keep him away from you at all times, the fact that DV has been reported and dealt with by the police, would strengthen your case.

Can you make sure that you can walk home from school when there are other people present (I understand this may be difficult if you live in the sticks or on a vast estate etc) I hate the thought of you having to miss out on your day-to-day activities because of this a-hole, you need to let him know that you are carrying on with your life and that he doesn't control you any longer.

Maybe you should think about some lessons in self-defence. There's nothing sweeter than taking back some control after DV, and it may make you feel a little safer when you go about your business.

VestanPance

Pressing charges for his past actions wouldn't actually resolve your issue of him attending events that both your kids are at. The chances of a jail term I'd imagine would be low, so at best he'd get a criminal record but still be free to attend what ever events he chooses.

If he is threatening you in the present then you'd need to press new charges against him.