Friends for the sake of the kids?

emily_jackson

Hi, just wanted to ask some advice about my situation with my husband's niece who lives in the next street. I've felt for a while now that she's not a true friend: when I was in hospital with depression she never even texted me, let alone visit, when I told her how much this hurt me her excuse was that she thought I had to be left alone, yet even when I came out she never got in contact, in the past when we've argued she's said on several occasions that I'm not real family because I'm not blood. I used to help her a lot with babysitting but I only help her now if she's desperate because she's now got four kids by four different fathers and I feel that by helping her, I'm encouraging her to have more, and I also feel like she's used me (I've explained this to her, but she didn't understand). She also borrows money off me most weeks. Me and her sister hate each other and in September when she was rowing with her via text, she was slagging her off in front of her kids and I joined in, and then at Christmas, she told her, but failed to mention that she was doing the exact same thing! At first I thought one of the kids had told her, but then someone told me that it was her that told her. So I don't trust her at all and do not class her as a true friend, but the trouble is I adore her four children. So if I don't go round there I won't get to see them, sometimes I do take them out for the day, but can I really offer to do this in future if I don't go round there every week? It's awkward with her living in the next street; when we were speaking, her sister told me she couldn't give a toss about her but she did about the kids, and she'll ask in the holidays if she can have them and she'll say yes, and that's the sort of relationship I'd like with her really, but as I'm not blood I've got no automatic right to see them. What would you do?

BitterAndTwisted

She's insulted you by claiming you're not real family because you're not blood but accepts you babysitting as a last resort and borrows money from you "most weeks"? I'd stop doing either of those immediately.

It might be possible to have a cordial relationship in order to have contact with the children you're so fond of without being in each other's pockets.

You're right, if you don't trust her she isn't a true friend, so stop minding her kids and bloody stop lending her money!

emily_jackson

shegirl wrote: »

I'm wondering,though,how babysitting encourages her to have more children

She doesn't worry about getting pregnant again because she knows that her family will pick up the pieces (only two of the dads are involved). So when she fell pregnant for the fourth time, I told her that I'd stop helping her and her grandmother stopped speaking to her

CH27

You should go on Jeremy Kyle.

emily_jackson

We've said that to her! I know what I'll have to do, it's just going to hurt because I love the kids