Benefits for a single teenage mother student?

sulkisu

OP, please listen to those who are telling you how hard it is going to be. Not 'might' be, but will be. You are young (nothing wrong with that), but you are about to do some of the toughest things that a woman/person can do, - have a baby/become a mum, be a single mother, study for a university degree, set up and run your own home for the first time - and you are going to try to do them all at the same time. I have a law degree - and it was bloody hard work, and if you want to get a training contract or place in chambers at the end of it, you will need a very good degree (2:1 minimum) with good grades through out. When my son was born, I barely had time to read my emails, let alone law books and cases. The sleep depravation, hormones, stress, is going to be too much. Forget student accommodation - no student will want to share with a screaming baby (sorry, but they won't).


Everyone is different and I'm guessing you are a bit of a tough cookie, but you are only 18, you have plenty of time, Why not take a year out, get settled and enjoy your baby for a bit? If you start your course and then have to drop out, you might not get fundng to repeat the year or restart the course. If you plan and take your time, you will probably succeed. Trying to do it all at once, is asking for failure.

whitewing

I dont know which uni it is, but this is from the ucl website:

You will be expected not to attend UCL during the four weeks immediately preceding birth and for one month after birth.

http://www.ucl.ac.uk/current-students/support/wellbeing/pregnancy

There is also info about finance and that doesn't look straightforward either.

I really think you need to find out exactly what the situation is with your uni's.

And congratulations. I had an unplanned baby in the year after I graduated. You are planning your future; I didn't have a clue. Whatever happens, you will work something out - it may take a bit longer than you'd want but you will get there.

pmd123

I sympathise with your situation, it sounds very difficult for you right now, but as a single father who works full time, it is extremely hard to find enough hours in a day to get things done. Remember a newborn will need feeding 1/2 times during the night, will not sleep when you want them to, and any illness will only exacerbate this.

As others have said, your mum is likely angry and shocked right now, give it a week or two, and she will most likely come around, you're her daughter and she loves you, and will love her grandchild when he/she comes along too. Hopefully this would take some pressure off your decision.

If it does not pan out like that, would you not consider taking a year out, going to live with your dad for support, and then maybe reapply to universities in Wales, so you could be closer to him. With baby one year old by that time, it would make life so much simpler for you than trying to do everything at the same time.

Whatever your decision, I wish you all the best, and hope it all works out for you.

sp1987

I fell pregnant whilst doing a law degree (my finals). My advice is 100% defer for one year so you start when your baby is 6m old. You won't be getting adequate sleep to be able to get the best grades in the course otherwise. That's assuming that everything else goes swimmingly eg childcare finances home life health etc. Even if everything is as good as it can be you will underperform. If you want a career in the law (considering how hard the job market is now to get a training contract) you can't have a lower grade on the form easily now...even a first year grade which doesn't count towards the overall result.

Pragmatic I know. I started my postgrad when my little one was over 6m. I also thought I could do it all straight after the birth until someone who'd been there and did it advised not to.

mountainofdebt

Lets throw this into the mix as well.

If you go to live with your dad (in wales) take a year out and then go to Uni would you not benefit from the Welsh Assembly's decision to help with fees -so instead of paying back £9K you pay back some where in the region of £3K?

Also I don't know where in Wales your dad lives but I hear Cardifff Law school is pretty good as well.

Personally I think to try have have a baby, start such a demanding degree and be on your own is madness

Bonniepurple

First of all, congratulations! Secondly, I agree with the others. Take some time out and get to know your baby. An employer is not going to think "kid got pregnant to get benefits" if you take time out before uni - they are more likely to think "good for her! She was motivated enough to go back into education, get a degree and did it with a baby as well - what can she do for me?".

I'm a married mum of 2, (5 and 7), and I'm studying part time with the OU. Even with children in school, it is tough finding time and energy to do studying. To do it with a new born, with no support and very little money would be very very difficult - and that is with a distance learning course (but at least you could study during the night feeds!).

You sound like a lovely mature young lady, and I wish you all the best in your future. Come back and let us know how you get on.

FBaby

Poppie68 wrote: »

I think you are totally under estimating how hard it is being a single mu,m providing a home for the baby, and attending uni. Babies are seriously hard work and demand 100% of your time, you dance to their tune not the other way round...your sister may of managed but it sounds if her situation was completly different to yours, she had an established home and a husband who could take some of the burden.
You would be very wise to establish your own household and routine first and look at uni next year.

Every situation/person is different. One of my friend from uni fell pregnant her 2nd year of Uni. The guy left her and her family was miles away. Of all of us, she was the one who said she would never have babies, didn't like them, didn't know what to do with them, didn't want to be tight down. She was very ambitious and hard working and I never imagined she would get pregnant then, let alone want to keep the baby. She did though, decided at the scan too and that was it. We all thought she would fail to cope, drop her course etc... and felt sorry for her, but I think knowing that's how we felt deep inside besides being supportive gave her the boost to prove everyone wrong. She had her baby and she continued with her course...and did brilliantly. Yes, she was lucky that her baby was a gem, never cried, slept through the night at 6 weeks, just a happy baby. She graduated with us.

She got a good job, got married and fell pregnant at 35. She was looking foward to being a mum again, but this time it was totally different. Her baby suffered from colic and cried all the time, didn't sleep through the nights, and she ended up with postnatal depression. She was constantly exhausted and anxious. She got better but was amazed how much harder it was the second time even though she then had all the stability to enjoy it.

OP, go for it and don't let people tell you you can't do it. If it does become too much, you can then re-adjust your plans. Take it as it comes and trust your instincts. Just try not to isolate yourself and don't ever hesitate to ask for help.

nannytone_2

your friend was already living independantly and , although her family werent near, she obviously already had her support in place with her friends.
there is a big maturity difference between the age of 18 and the age of 20.
to compare a 20 year old, already adjusted to living alone and with her friends supporting her....to an 18 year old that has never lived alone, moving to a new area with no support, and embarking on a difficult degree course ...
yes some people could do it, but realistically, very few would cope

GwylimT

I was a single parent when I was at university and I was working, my son wasn't a new born but he was 18 months old and his biological parents had neglected him, he was far far harder to care for than our two newborns.

As I was only his caret at that time I couldn't get grants for him etc so I just had my normal loan and my part time wage. Really, young children aren't expensive, the only thing you cannot control cost wise is childcare, but everything else can be done extremely cheaply. Many universities offer family/parent halls and most universities have childcare on site at a fairly reasonable cost compared to other local providers.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Yes, she was lucky that her baby was a gem, never cried, slept through the night at 6 weeks, just a happy baby. She graduated with us.

She was looking foward to being a mum again, but this time it was totally different. Her baby suffered from colic and cried all the time, didn't sleep through the nights, and she ended up with postnatal depression. She was constantly exhausted and anxious.

If the first baby had been like the second baby, the story would have been quite different.

When there is a perfectly acceptable, reasonable alternative to crossing your fingers and hoping everything will go smoothly with baby and uni, why not take it?

The OP wants to make something of her life but she's also going to be responsible for her baby and needs to factor in which option is going to be best for a new born - a mother who has time to be her child or a stressed-out student struggling to keep up her grades.