Told wife I want a divorce and her to buy me out of the house!

sdoherty1000

Me and the wife have agreed to separate and I am now looking for some advice. We have about £60,000 equity in the property so I have asked her to buy me out with £20,000 so I can put that towards living expenses or a down payment on a new flat. She has flatly refused to pay me out of the mortgage and I dont know where to turn! We have 4 kids in total but only one is mine so she is claiming the courts will side with her over the house. I am happy for her to remain in the house but I cant afford to move out of the family home without her buying my share! Today I have told her I want a divorce but she has again refused to give me one without a reason why. We dont get on anymore! 4 years ago I found some text messages on her phone which led me to believe she was having an affair, she denied it all and to this day I have no idea how far it went with this guy! We have been separated about 6 months but we live in the same house and it isnt an easy situation by a long shot. I found out 2 weeks ago that she went out and pulled another bloke so why wont she divorce me? If I apply for a divorce and she declines it it will cost me £1000's

Horace

As there are kids involved you need the services of a divorce lawyer. A lawyer will give you a free half hour.

She should remain the house with the kids - that is the marital home and that is what the court will decide as the kids cannot be disrupted.

Why have you suddenly decided that you want a divorce? She must be quite surprised if the request has come out of the blue and I can see why she has refused.

You shouldn't have been reading her text messages in the first place. So you don't get on because of this? Why not go to Relate and see if you can both sit down and try and save your marriage?

thorsoak

Does your wife have an income of her own that would allow her to take on a re-mortgage of £20,000+ more than the present mortgage?

How long have you been married - have her children been treated as children of your marriage, and how old is your youngest child?

Until these points are clarified, we cannot advise you any better than to seek out a solicitor.

sdoherty1000

I am not saying i am innocent in all this, in fact I am probably more in the wrong than she is. We havent had an easy few years and its time to move on with both our lives. I want to move out but I cant afford to at the minute so I was hoping to use my share of the house to fund a rental flat and clear the debts we have together. Regarding the reading of the text messages, I had suspected for a while that she was hiding her phone, getting messages late at night etc so 1 day I came home early from work and she was acting strangely. I decided to read her messages and found the texts to this other guy! I was able to move in with my dad for a while and after a month or 2 we decided to try again at the marriage so I moved back in. Things were fantastic for a good while until my workload dropped down to next to 0 and I possibly fell into depression. So when the money problems started our relationship problems grew also (there was other circumstances as well) and we didnt to split up again. Only this time I wasnt able to move back to my dads and I am left in limbo. If she is seeing other people and we dont want to be together then why delay the inevitable by not divorcing? I still love her...I just dont like her and I know there is no going back, nothing to save! As I have never been divorced before I am looking for people that have been through it to help me move forward. She says She doesnt want a divorce and cant afford to pay my share, I want a divorce but cant afford to move out so we are in a bit of a pickle

sdoherty1000

thorsoak wrote: »

Does your wife have an income of her own that would allow her to take on a re-mortgage of £20,000+ more than the present mortgage?

How long have you been married - have her children been treated as children of your marriage, and how old is your youngest child?

Until these points are clarified, we cannot advise you any better than to seek out a solicitor.

Yes she has her own income and she is claiming working tax credits and child benefit so she can cover the additional mortgage payments. We married in 2005 and all kids have been brought up equally. My child is 13 at the end of this month.

thorsoak

If her income includes working tax credits, then it is going to be fairly low. Child benefit will not be included in a mortgage company's calculations of her income in working out whether she would be able to afford a mortgage, nor, I believe would be child maintenance (you are aware that CSA will expect you to pay 15% of your income for maintenance of your child, I expect).

It is usual for a court to grant the parent with custody of child/children to stay in the marital home until the youngest attains the age of 18 - so another five years or so for you, with an order to sell at that time, and the non-resident parent keeping an equity in the property until it is sold.

You need to consult a solicitor, as does your wife.

meer53

Where do you expect your wife to magic up £20k from ?

BitterAndTwisted

"We haven't had an easy few years and its time to move on with both our lives".

That's nice dear, but how do you propose she'll be able to move on with her life with a limited income and four kids in tow, never mind magic up twenty grand from nowhere?

Caz3121

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

Yes she has her own income and she is claiming working tax credits and child benefit so she can cover the additional mortgage payments.

What is the current mortgage amount? It is not a case of being able to make additional mortgage payments, she would need to be able to receive a mortgage as a single applicant for the current mortgage + £20k.

duchy

You are aware the courts are likely to say she can stay in the house until the youngest is 18 -and only then can you "get your cut". Sounds like she is fully aware your proposition is based on fantasy rather than any realistic financial proposal as she has a low income and you also mentioned joint debts.

It seems to be all about what YOU want- Have you asked her what she wants ?

BigAunty

I appreciate that only one of the 4 children is biologically yours but through marriage, does it or does it not mean that they are legally yours? I don't know, that's why I thought I'd ask.

The child support forum will give you an idea of your child maintenance obligations if you don't agree between yourselves and it goes to the CSA (whether you will be classed as having 1 or 4 children, so whether or not you might be obliged to pay either 15% of your net income or 25% depending on this).

The Shelter website has a relationship breakdown section that will outline your rights, obligations and options (and give you an idea of hers), including the likelihood of her securing an occupation order until the youngest turns 18.

You could also research the feasibility and expense of forcing a sale through the courts but I don't rate your chances of being successful where children are involved. Even besides this issue, I get the impression on MSE that it is a long-winded and expensive process.

As it's a joint mortgage, you have the right to take up occupancy there unless she has a court order in place, not ideal when parents are separated.

As others have repeatedly indicated, it isn't up to you (or even just her) to take over the mortgage in a sole name but the lenders. You can forget it unless she earns sufficient to service the mortgage under the usual loan to income ratio (find a mortgage affordability calculator). By the sounds of it, she's not interested so I can't see how you can proceed. Ask on the housing forum.

You could look into the cost and feasibility of a DIY divorce when the spouse resists accepting the paperwork, if you still stand a chance of it succeeding if you don't involve a solicitor.