Lost friends and alienated people. I have been a cow for a long time

LeeLoo_2

Lost friends and alienated people. I have been a cow for a long time and don’t know how to fix it.

I have suffered from depression and when that happens I just go into a ‘cave’ and don’t talk to people.
After my wedding five years ago I sent out thank you cards and after that switched off my facebook and have not been in touch with anyone who attended apart from my parents and siblings, his parents and siblings and about two close friends. We had about a hundred people there, all of whom I am fond of or at least like. I do not know why I do this.

This is not the first time. For example I left one job (on good terms). Had a going away party etc. then as soon as I left I have never spoken to the people. I really liked them, we had lunch together and spoke about ‘real things’ so I can’t for the life of me explain why I have done that. A few have tried to make contact, but I have just ignored them. I am really lonely and wish I could form meaningful connections with people. I make a good first impression and am all chatty and friendly, because I genuinely want to like them and for them to like me back, but I can’t keep it up and go back to my sullen moody self.

The only person I can really connect with emotionally is my husband. Everyone else has a wall I can not climb. I like to read books so that I can experience having emotional intimacy with people.How can I get back in touch with these people? Can I write them a letter, apologize for ignoring them and then try and be friends.

Tahlullah

Hello. You need to start with yourself.

They don't have walls you can't climb. You do. You have a huge moat that no one can swim across. You have to start with you and why you dug the trench so wide and so deep, no one can cross it.

Good luck with the self analysis.

savingmummy

I think it may be an idea to get some help regarding how you feel and how you handle things.
Are you over your depression?


I think contacting people who mean a lot to you would be a good idea, if they care for you they will understand.

trailingspouse

Just do it - write a breezy letter/facebook post/e-mail, whatever, say 'Long time no see, how's things?' Some will get back to you, some won't - if they get back to you, get back to them, if you see what I mean. Keep it light, you don't need to make apologies, suggest a meet up, and take it from there.

I'm not good at keeping friends - in my case it's due to moving around the country such a lot. My step daughter has literally 100's of friends - and she spends a lot of time keeping in touch with them all. She treats everyone as if they are the most important person in her life at that particular moment, and she does it genuinely. I've learnt a lot from her, but at the back of my mind there's still a feeling of 'Why would they want to be friends with me?' Well - why wouldn't they want to be friends with me? Just make contact and see what happens.

Good luck.

Person_one

What treatment and support do you get with your depression? Any kind of talking therapy?

ska_lover

I think after five years, you may find that people have moved on etc, but it might be worth concentrating on making new friends, and putting in a real effort to retain those relationships.

To be honest, if a friend from five years ago tried to come back into my life, I probably wouldn't be interested in making that much effort as so much has happened over the last five years, I am not the same person I was five years ago, and I would expect, if someone wanted to be in my life, for them not to take five years to realise it

But having said that, I do not understand a great deal about depression or how to deal with it - and I do hope that you get what you want, and recover fully x

Mojisola

LeeLoo wrote: »

I make a good first impression and am all chatty and friendly, because I genuinely want to like them and for them to like me back, but I can’t keep it up and go back to my sullen moody self.

Can I write them a letter, apologize for ignoring them and then try and be friends.

I wouldn't try to contact them until you have sorted out why you do this otherwise there's a good chance you'll stop contact with them again.

Yolina

trailingspouse wrote: »

Just do it - write a breezy letter/facebook post/e-mail, whatever, say 'Long time no see, how's things?' Some will get back to you, some won't - if they get back to you, get back to them, if you see what I mean. Keep it light, you don't need to make apologies, suggest a meet up, and take it from there.

^^^^ that ^^^^

Please do seek help if you are depressed but there's no reason to apologise.

I'm an introvert by nature and fairly useless at keeping in touch with people, other than with a small group of close friends. My "wider" circle of friends know me well enough to not get offended if I don't see them for yonks. There's people I've known for 15 years + and we sometimes lose touch for a couple of years at a time (or even longer :rotfl: ), then we'll go out for drinks or whatever and just pick up where we left off