Missed Miscarriage and OCD

Help_Me_2

Hello

I have created a new username to avoid being identified from my usual username. I really need someone to talk to or to hear from anyone that is going or has been through a similar thing.

Last week, my husband and I went for our 12 week scan for our first pregnancy and was told that I had a missed miscarriage weeks before. I have since had a natural miscarriage and passed the sac and baby and am still bleeding. And I feel so heartbroken and empty. My heart is aching like I have never known.

I have also suffered from OCD for the majority of my life and in the last few years it has got a lot worse. In particular, it has got significantly worse since we moved into our first home six months ago. My heart rate goes sky high and I get really frustrated and angry and stressed and upset. I'm trying to work out why my OCD has got so bad recently and the only thing I can think of is that my husband hired a handyman to do some work inside the house (putting curtain poles up) and I didn't like the guy because it felt like he had come into our home and was purposefully ripping us off (he told my husband it would take a couple of hours to do the job and he had other jobs in the afternoon, turns out his other jobs didn't exist and he was charging by the hour and dragged the work out) and insulting our new home (we bought a new build and the first thing he said when he came in was 'why do they build new houses so close together, they're awful'). He also left black shoe marks all over our new cream carpets despite me asking him not to wear them inside as the carpets were new and I told him I have OCD about hygiene and cleaning. He kept calling me my husbands 'lady friend' even though I had told him my name. He kept telling me how he was 'glad we didn't want to out blinds up as they are so dirty' as if he was taking the !!!! out of me for my OCD. He also put 80% of the curtain poles up incorrectly - wrong height, didn't shorten them where necessary, etc. Because of this ar*ehole, I feel so uncomfortable in my own home - to the point that I can't bring myself to touch the walls, doors or anything he may have touched while he was here, because it feels like if I do then something bad might happen to me or my husband. It also stops me from enjoying simple things like watching TV or cooking as it feels like that man has tainted the entire house. Does anyone have this same problem?

When I fell pregnant, I was prioritised to receive cognitive behavioural therapy which I have been going to for the last few weeks. Now I have to win against my OCD in order to honour my poor lost baby (as I was only able to get my therapy as I was pregnant) but also to make sure if/when I get pregnant again I am not so anxious and stressed all the time. My husband is convinced that I will win this fight as he knows I am very committed and driven. The problem is that I don't recognise myself anymore and I'm really scared that I can't win. I feel so low.

savingmummy

Sorry to hear of your loss.


I suffered a missed miscarriage and an ectopic within 3 yrs of each other totally devastating and may take time for you to heal.


I was diagnosed with OCD in 2006 (been suffering for years previous) and have had cbt on and off since then.
I have also been so bad I was put on meds to control my thoughts and to control my behaviour.


You need to go back to cbt and continue, if your feeling worse give them a call and arrange to see them sooner then your next appt.
It won`t work over night and unfortunately for me I still `go off the rails`.
Your going to need a lot of support, your husband sounds like his rooting for you which is fab.

whitewing

I found buying/moving in to a house was very stressful. I felt very exposed even having windows open when I first moved in and that chap sounds awful so I would have felt somewhat 'contaminated' in my house.

Can you have some kind of cleansing ceremony or sort of 'exorcism' type thing (even if you make it up yourself). I am not talking of making your OCD worse, but just something that draws a line under the workman incident and 'neutralises' it. Even if it is buying a plug in air freshener and imagining this to 'push' out the negativity as the smell travels round the house. Or, if your religious, getting a priest to 'bless' the house. Or having a house warming (but that may create more stress than it solves).

danih

I don't have OCD but I have always been a highly anxious person. My anxiety levels rocketed over the last few months, to the point where I became very frightened of how I was thinking.

I went to my GP this day last week. She prescribed me an anti - depressant that is also good for anxiety disorders. I am also on a waiting list for counselling.

I'm 33, and this my first time on this type of medication. For the first time in years I feel calm. I am still having serious physical side effects, but mentally its had a positive effect with in a few days.


for me these tablets are a short term fix, to calm my mind enough for me to explore my anxiety, replace bad habits with better ones that will help cope with life better.

Might be worth a chat with your GP

I'm not suggesting you go on tablets - just go to your GP and look at all available options

MICKIE

Wow, what a useless handyman-he obviously doesn't care about repeat business. I cannot believe someone, especially a tradesperson, could be so downright rude in another person's home.
Obviously your recent, unfortunate, experience regarding your first child was traumatising enough without adding, in your words-"that ar%ehole, to the mix.
Anyway, I have been dealing with anxiety issues for the past 20 years on and off and I can honestly only say that I have noticed significant improvement since experimenting with CBT.
I was referred to see a counsellor (for no specific reason-just general anxiety issues and panic attacks) via my doctor.
They spent several sessions taking me through the basics and gave me sufficient literature which would enable me to teach myself the exercises and experiments required in order to achieve a happy life through CBT. It was decided that I was capable enough to manage my own progress through the CBT regime rather than going to the next step and having the comprehensive, intensive one to one CBT sessions. With focus and drive, i really believe that you can steam ahead with CBT practices and find all the answers yourself-without relying on the one to one sessions.
I was on anti-depressants for 7 years before I felt comfortable to reduce them down to minimal doses and this was basically because I was able to get control of my issues.
I decided that I was not going to waste any more precious time of my life. Significant books which have helped me includes CBT for dummies, CBT for managing Anxiety and Mindfulness. I would advise that you take a look at the first one mentioned as this does include a comprehensive section on OCD.
What I am trying to say is that you can take ownership of the OCD and begin to banish it from your life. I know issues like these will always own a part of you-like my panic attacks, but it can be locked away and banished from the mind, which will in turn allow you to live a life which is happy & content.
I don't have any personal miscarriage experience, so cannot even begin to imagine how awful that must have been, but I am sure that eventually, when you feel ready, you will go on to have the family you desire and although you will always miss what you lost, you will be able to use the loss as something which turned you in to a better, stronger person.

Emmamumof2

I also had two missed mc's and opted for surgical treatment, for speed, and a further natural mc after before I had a full term pg with my third baby. I have several mh issues and part of that is OCD. When I was 6 months with my 2nd baby we moved to a new build and I felt like I had to go through and fully clean everything ceiling to floor, and after my 3rd I went even more overboard on the cleaning/tidying etc etc as my way of coping with my situation that could quite easily have slid out of my scope of control, to show to the outside world I was on top of everything, keeping kids sorted out, house sorted out, washing etc etc etc.


What would make you feel better? Could you/your partner take down the work done by the handy man and clean the poles over and re-position? I know this defeats the object of you hiring him but if it makes you feel better....


Could this be a reaction to the mc that you've attributed more to the OCD but that could be a control issue? You couldn't control the mc, what you can control is your home and whats in it, is that whats kicked off this spike? What can you sterlise that will make you feel more at ease? How understanding is your partner in terms of the OCD, is he empathetic? Would a lick of paint on the walls help?


Re the CBT surely the therapist wouldn't cease appts after the tragic event you have experienced, talk to your GP, tell the GP how your mc has affected you and how the OCD has heightened. Do you have a CPN? My CPN is amazing, she is very understanding and offers some practical help, although in our region CBT is as stretched as your region by the sounds of it! Is there any way you could afford to seek a CBT session once a fortnight or month if needed, when I looked into this it was £25 an hour? Just something to think about, I know its frustrating when you're getting this via your GP at present but in order for you to heal from the mc and improve the OCD you need the help and this must be a priority.


I wish you nothing but the best, this is a tough situation and having been there the only other thing I can offer is, that with time and support you can get through this and things can feel better than they do right now.

lilmissreading

Help_me

I don't have personal experience and I think the others on here have offered some really good ideas and resources that just made me think of a few more:

http://www.veale.co.uk/resources-support/public-information/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/copingwithmiscarriages/a/anxiety.htm

The 'overcoming series' is generally thought to be good and they have an OCD specific book. If you want a sense for what it might be like the author (first link) has a really good page that gives you more idea about the condition and extra resources.

I don't know if others who have received treatment would agree but a large amount of how well you do will be about the timing of your therapy. I can understand why you would wish to do well but I don't want you to feel that you have failed if you don't finish and find that you are a calm, zen like process. Quite apart from anything else you have been through a trauma so it may be understandably more difficult for you to fully engage with your treatment. Just remember this isn't your fault, the therapist's fault or the therapy but that life is TOUGH. At least you will know the principles to try later.

This might a time to look at medication to boost your chances of recovering. Again the Veale site shows that NICE guidelines recommend both (ie emds and therapy) being used so you can chat to your GP about the pluses and minuses.

As for this handyman, what an absolute **** I am sure you are right that this has exacerbated your feelings and Emma's suggestion that these are actions that help you feel in control sounds like they make sense but of course only you know that.

I think you are very brave. it takes courage to change. It will feel like forever but please be kind to yourself. This will take time because no one bounces out of OCD like it's a cold - if it were easy you'd have done it yourself by now. I wonder if it might take you longer too because of the mc. One day you'll look back and realise how far you've come.

Good luck and take care. If you feel able to let us know how you go.

PS So sorry forgot to say if you don't know but there is miscarriage thread on here and people say they find it helpful.

haybel19

I suffer from anxiety and OCD and have had counselling and CBT. I have also had treatment for Post Traumatic stress suffered after the birth of my beautiful daughter. Prior to my daughter I had two miscarriages which were heart breaking.


You are most welcome to PM if you want to have a chat- I will happily answer anything you want to know and be as supportive and helpful as I can be. Please rest assured you are not alone and you will come through the other side.

tillyenna

Go and chat to your GP about all of this


I did that for my OCD/anxiety, and she was great (and yes, I am medicated at the moment, but she's also prescribed counselling. Also the meds are awesome :-D - I can eat things in ANY ORDER I WANT... ok, I'm getting off track here)


Go and see your GP


WRT your house (and forgive me, because my compulsions are not super cleaning orientated, so my advice might be a bit off the wall) - would a really good spring clean help? Psycologically there's a lot to be said for a spring clean, take time off work if needs be, set days aside (without the OH... they just get in the way!) and have a full spring clean, get a clear out of things you don't want/need any more - treat yourself to a few nice things for the house (curtains, cushions, a new duvet cover or something) and you might feel more like it's been made your own again