Tips welcome on avoiding meal out!!

blackangeluk

Seaxwyn wrote: »

blackangel, I think your best options are either to be completley honest with her - or to go for the meal and accept it means postponing your debt free date by a month or so.

Putting myself in her shoes, I would be hurt if you seemed to be trying to avoid the meal for no good reason. She may not comprehend the scale of your debt and be thinking that the 1k she gave you has left you quite comfortable.

Hi Sea - I do agree with what you say but I think I would rather be honest than spend money we don't have, particular as pretending to have money we don't got us into the situation (hindsight is such a good thing). I have had a look at the menu on the restaurant's website and the prices are about £15 - £20 a head for a main course alone :eek: I don't want her to offer to pay for us either, so I think I may suggest that either I or her can cook and resolve it that way.

Wish me luck!

backontrack_2

How much is meal costing approx?

backontrack_2

Sorry didn't see above (oops). I would tell her that you have been having money probs but didn't want to burden anyone. Say you wanted to go but can't afford it, and were so grateful for the previous money that didn't want to say anything. She will understand, especially if you offer to cook at home for her?

Seaxwyn

That sounds like a good approach to me, backontrack.

blackangeluk

Hiya, I'm not sure, cheapest main course is £15.00 so it will be at least £30 which will exclude drinks, but I suppose we could both say we are not drinking alcohol. The thing is I know she will want us to have puddings etc and it will seem like we are being killjoys not having that, aaaarrrrgggggghhhhh I am just getting myself in a muddle over a silly meal.

It must look like I'm so ungrateful and I'm really not I am so very grateful for the money she gave us and we have told her so, I suppose I have had such a huge setback with children's shoes (long story, another post) that I am stressing about budget etc as we are already going to go over for this month, we also have both kids birthdays this month.

Maybe I am being too rigid with the whole DFW thing and should just go? I just feel that the whole reason I got into this mess was doing/buying stuff I couldn't afford to buy and not saying no!

If I had been told 2 months ago a meal out would cause me this much stress about the pull between paying my debts off and enjoying a meal I would have laughed my pants off!!

blackangeluk

backontrack wrote: »

Sorry didn't see above (oops). I would tell her that you have been having money probs but didn't want to burden anyone. Say you wanted to go but can't afford it, and were so grateful for the previous money that didn't want to say anything. She will understand, especially if you offer to cook at home for her?

Gosh after all my babble and stressing you posted the answer :rolleyes:

I will ring her when I get home tonight and say that instead, after all it is the truth.

Thank you

smudgemanc26

Just an idea but why dont you try and convert her to a DFW way of life point out how much it would cost for the meal out and say look if we all stayed in as a family we would be able to have a feast for that much in the comfort of our own home.

Also the quality of the food and standard of service at some places today is not worth the amount of money you have to spend. At least if your at home you know its been put together with care and attention, you have bought the best ingredients and the service will be great. Also it will be a bonus if the weather is as bad as its been you wont all have to go out in the rain.

You can make it special by dressing up and having a nice table setting - who needs restaurants eh!

rog2

I totally agree with Smudge - in fact this is what we now do. Our Dining Room table has been used more in the last year than in the previous 25 years - we eat better, can drink without worrying about driving and we have had NO disappointed guests.:beer:

wherediditallgo

Seaxwyn wrote: »

Putting myself in her shoes, I would be hurt if you seemed to be trying to avoid the meal for no good reason. She may not comprehend the scale of your debt and be thinking that the 1k she gave you has left you quite comfortable.

My mother's the same - she's of a different generation, & can still remember £,s & d. She'd probably have had a cardiac arrest if I'd told her about my debts, which weren't outrageous by any means in this day & age. If she'd given me £1000, she'd have expected me to pay some bills, & save the rest. If only... If I'd subsequently said I couldn't afford to go somewhere with her (especially something she thought of as a special event/treat), she wouldn't understand, so I'd have to either tell her exactly why with all the gory details, come up with an alternative suggestion or go & live with the cost of it. I know I wouldn't want to discuss my finances with her, so it would be either grin & bear it or think feverishly of something else.