Advice

malkyh

Hi all,

Much to my deepest regret and sadness the time has come where I am separating from my wife after only 5 years married.

We have 2 young kids and a house which the mortgage is in my sole name.

I have absolutely no idea what to do and would appreciate some pointers.

Thanks

InsideInsurance

Talk to your wife.

Until you have done this and know what things you agree on and which you disagree on then no one else can really help.

RAS

You need to read the wikidivorce web-site. Even if you use a lawyer later, it helps you frame the questions.

Check out www.turn2us.org.uk as that explains what benefits your wife can claim (for example help with the mortgage interest).

Also check the CSA/CMS web-site - basically it was 20% of your net salary was required to support the children.

In the short-term you need to pay the mortgage as she will get no help immediately. I would contact your provider and check whether you can pay interst only or have a payment holiday whilst you work things out.

Regardless of whether her name is on the house all assets and debts belong to the marriage and you will both be granted a percentage of each (or trade one off against the other). It may be best to sell up the house and go for a clean break.

You can do the divorce by downloading the forms and for the cost of the court fees but please get legal advice on the financial settlement as there arew far too many left in the ether which come back to bit people hard later.

malkyh

Thank you for your advice. It all seems so final but I need to put the devastation to the side and move on and look after the kids

lazer

RAS wrote: »

You need to read the wikidivorce web-site. Even if you use a lawyer later, it helps you frame the questions.

Check out www.turn2us.org.uk as that explains what benefits your wife can claim (for example help with the mortgage interest).

Also check the CSA/CMS web-site - basically it was 20% of your net salary was required to support the children.

In the short-term you need to pay the mortgage as she will get no help immediately. I would contact your provider and check whether you can pay interst only or have a payment holiday whilst you work things out.

Regardless of whether her name is on the house all assets and debts belong to the marriage and you will both be granted a percentage of each (or trade one off against the other). It may be best to sell up the house and go for a clean break.

You can do the divorce by downloading the forms and for the cost of the court fees but please get legal advice on the financial settlement as there arew far too many left in the ether which come back to bit people hard later.

Why the assumption that the wife will have residency of the children?

OP - I hope you are ok, you sound very sad that your marriage is over, is it final?
Have you tried counselling?

If you are sure it is over you need to come to an arrange with your wife regarding the children and the house, will either of you continue to live in the house?

Who will have residency of the children - is a 50/50 spilt viable?

What is your situation at present - do you both work?

You need to look at the marital assets and debts and decide a fair way to spilt them.

You should consider your current income and if you can afford the mortgage, or will sell up and both buy or rent elsewhere?

Is the break up amicable - the less need for lawyers the better as they are expensive but can be necessary.

Good luck

RAS

Check out family mediation as that enables you and your wife to sit down together and agree how things will be split. But I recommend that both of you also talk to a lawyer before hand so you understand the legal situation.

For your sanity, children and wallets, agreeing will be much better; even if you are divorced you will still be parents for the rest of your lives.

malkyh

lazer wrote: »

Why the assumption that the wife will have residency of the children?

OP - I hope you are ok, you sound very sad that your marriage is over, is it final?
Have you tried counselling?

If you are sure it is over you need to come to an arrange with your wife regarding the children and the house, will either of you continue to live in the house?

Who will have residency of the children - is a 50/50 spilt viable?

What is your situation at present - do you both work?

You need to look at the marital assets and debts and decide a fair way to spilt them.

You should consider your current income and if you can afford the mortgage, or will sell up and both buy or rent elsewhere?

Is the break up amicable - the less need for lawyers the better as they are expensive but can be necessary.

Good luck

My kids are better off with their mum. She is a fantastic mother. We have discussed that I will always be welcome to see them whenever I choose (unless they are doing something else that night).

I lived through a break up with my ex in that house, plus have seen my marriage fail in that house so I do not want to live in it anymore. Too many memories.

She will not be able to afford to stay there as she in not working (joint decision based on her staying home to bring up the kids) and I work full time plus part time as sole earner.

My dilemma is I can't afford to keep her in the house long term as I need to sort myself out, but I don't want my kids being brought up in some 'bad' area if she is housed with the council.

She can't afford to rent as she has no income.

RAS

malkyh wrote: »

She can't afford to rent as she has no income.

She can afford rent as she can claim Local Housing Allowance and top that up with some of the money from your maintenance payments.

This is why you need to check the benefits calculator www.turn2us.org.uk.

lazer

malkyh wrote: »

My kids are better off with their mum. She is a fantastic mother. We have discussed that I will always be welcome to see them whenever I choose (unless they are doing something else that night).

I lived through a break up with my ex in that house, plus have seen my marriage fail in that house so I do not want to live in it anymore. Too many memories.

She will not be able to afford to stay there as she in not working (joint decision based on her staying home to bring up the kids) and I work full time plus part time as sole earner.

My dilemma is I can't afford to keep her in the house long term as I need to sort myself out, but I don't want my kids being brought up in some 'bad' area if she is housed with the council.

She can't afford to rent as she has no income.

Be aware that a court could decide that you have to continue to pay the mortgage until the children are 18, but this would depend on your income, and if you could afford this while payin for your own accommodation etc

BitterAndTwisted

It's not her you would be keeping in the house but your children!

This is why you need family mediation. If both of your children are under school age it's not likely that your wife would be able to take work even if she wanted to. Even finding work around school hours and school holidays is very difficult indeed.

Meanwhile you should be paying her 20% (I think) of your take-home pay as an absolute minimum in child support.

PenguinJim

malkyh wrote: »

I lived through a break up with my ex in that house, plus have seen my marriage fail in that house so I do not want to live in it anymore. Too many memories.

It may not be the easiest thing to do, but is it possible for you to continue to live there for a time? Is there a room you could use for your bedroom?

Depending on your circumstances, even six months might make a significant financial difference, and you'd also get plenty of time with your kids. Some of the income you wouldn't be losing on buying/renting elsewhere could cover "weekends" away (sorry, I don't mean to assume you're a Mon-Fri worker) to give you some extra breathing space.

If you could manage six-twelve more months there, it may be enough time to consolidate your finances and find a wonderful place to live, and for her to find work.

But as logical as all of that may sound, of course it might be too difficult for you to continue to live there. I'm only offering a suggestion. Whatever happens, good luck!