I don't know what to do with my life. I'm in a quarter life crisis, any advice?

jobbingmusician

I also wondered if you had considered the Open University. You could do some studying which would count towards a degree (either a full OU degree or you could transfer credit to a bricks and mortar uni) - and the OU are great at supporting students with special needs - you could be upfront about your mental health status with them and they might also have some helpful suggestions.

morganedge

I'm in a very similar situation, and it's no fun! I feel for you.
Can't, therefore, offer any real advice.

I've never found anything 'work wise' that interests me in the slightest which lead to me losing 'direction' at a young age, I guess.
So whilst my friends who picked a career at about 16 are now all earning ridiculous salaries (80k+), I (when I can find a job) earn £6.50 per hour, lol
Lost my job a year or so ago, and with a lack of confidence/skills, and a patchy work history, i'm finding it difficult to land even another one of my typical minimum wage jobs.

Not that that is a solution in my mind. I guess I need to learn a skill that would qualify me for a better job, but after all of these years, I really can't think of anything. Certainly nothing realistic.
For example, I took one of those online career tests, I mention that I like animals, and then the test suggests that I become a vet!
I need something that someone who's not especially bright can qualify for, that won't take up a huge amount of time, and that I won't hate!

kingslayer

Wow, thank you every one who has replied so far. I really do appreciate the responses.

It's hard, because I really do want to make something of myself, but it's difficult when you have no idea what route to go, or no direction. I think i really need to just write up a plan and decide what I would prefer to pursue; not for the money, but for the happiness and well being it will bring to me.

Has anyone here taken a distance learning course? If so, how good is it? I have been considering looking into one of those online courses if I cannot decide on whether I want to go the traditional route, i.e. Access course and then university.

kingslayer

morganedge wrote: »

I'm in a very similar situation, and it's no fun! I feel for you.
Can't, therefore, offer any real advice.

I've never found anything 'work wise' that interests me in the slightest which lead to me losing 'direction' at a young age, I guess.
So whilst my friends who picked a career at about 16 are now all earning ridiculous salaries (80k+), I (when I can find a job) earn £6.50 per hour, lol
Lost my job a year or so ago, and with a lack of confidence/skills, and a patchy work history, i'm finding it difficult to land even another one of my typical minimum wage jobs.

Not that that is a solution in my mind. I guess I need to learn a skill that would qualify me for a better job, but after all of these years, I really can't think of anything. Certainly nothing realistic.
For example, I took one of those online career tests, I mention that I like animals, and then the test suggests that I become a vet!
I need something that someone who's not especially bright can qualify for, that won't take up a huge amount of time, and that I won't hate!

Absolutely agree with you; it can be terribly frustrating and yes, when you hear about friends or associates who are now earning really good money or have a career they love, it makes one feel envious.

What do your friends work as, if you don't mind me asking? I'm always interested (or nosy, depending on how you look at it lol) in other people's careers and how they got there.

Being a vet is a long degree, but what about a vet tech or nurse? Sorry, I'm not too knowledgeable on the subject of animals or veterinary work. It's an idea, though?

The thing is, I don't mind earning a lower wage at first, but I know I have the capability to earn more and work hard. I could never see myself on minimum wage for too long, because I would want to move up or earn more money somehow. The problem is, my motivation right now is really low and I need to get it back, so I need to look into voluntary opportunities in my local area. I was hoping that if I found some volunteer work, it may lead to paid employment after I've been there a while and they see I'm a competent worker.

kingslayer

ventjoran wrote: »

Hi Kingslayer,

Funny, I have not been on the site for a long while, and I don't tend to post much either, but somehow, I came across your post and thought I'd try and give you some positive help... Not sure if all of it will be useful, but hopefully, some of it will, and you may even find that trying the suggestions you do not find helpful now at a later date may change your mind about it! :-) Apologies if you find me too long also...

- Others have suggested you see your GP, so I will not expand on this - I have the feeling that you must have already sought medical opinion as you have used different words to describe your emotional difficulties (depression, anxiety, social anxiety...) which is not something people normally do unless they have discussed their issues with a professional who has helped them identify all these variations....

- First of all, a general point about intelligence-education-degrees.... I am sure you know this intellectually, but it is always good to remind oneself of this: it is not because you have a degree that you are neccessarily more intelligent than others; the reverse being true also, it is not because one has no school qualifications that they are 'less intelligent' than others!

Let me point two things in your post which show 'intelligence' (whatever you want to call it):

First of all, your post is clear, succint, well written, to the point! I have taught degree students who could not write a paragraph even remotely as articulate as yours despite years of study, private tutoring etc... - so obviously, you may not have a GCSE, but you have excellent literacy skills!!! A sure sign of 'intelligence'!!!

Second, you tell how you applied for a degree, were accepted and then, understood that you were doing the wrong thing by locking yourself in to three years of study, loans and debts, for something you were not convinced you liked enough. This is the most mature, the most reasonable, the most intelligent thing you could have done!!! Many students start on their university courses because of being pressured (by parents, friends, society in general or simply, by themselves) into 'doing like eveyone else'... only to drop out in the first year, after having drowned their sorrow in enough beer to mop up their student loans.... You are very clear that you quit because you 'it wasn't a subject i 100% truly wanted to study', and not something like 'I could not cope being in the middle of strangers' or even 'I felt I would not be good enough'... and you took the logical, and intelligent, step of taking a year out to find out if you could work out what you wanted to do. So again, I think you should give yourself credit for being very mature about this, and, even if it is unfortunate that the year out did not bear the fruit you were expecting, what would the alternative be? You could be at the end of you second year at uni, stressing yourself like mad and hating every minute of it because the subject you picked was not right!

- You now have been unemployed and losing hope; the most important in my opinion would be to take some step to prevent yourself from spiralling further down, some suggestions to help:

• make sure you exercise daily, take the dog for a walk, if you don't have a dog, maybe a neighbour may be grateful! Go for a walk, go for a cycle ride, leisurely, pleasant, try to walk in areas where there is green around, trees, birds, a small river... look at nature, admire its beauty for 1/2 hour a day, breather in fresh air! (this is not wishy washy, it is tested and recognised as helping with low mood!!!)
• make sure you eat well, I mean healthy fresh food, cut down on sugars, alcohol, sweet drinks, tea, coffee, any stimulants... replace with herbal teas (if you are a caffeine addict, you must do this gradually to avoid caffeine withdrawal symptoms which can be very uncomfortable!)
• try to create a routine for yourself; if you are so down that you do not get out of bed, and end up staying up all night on the internet, try to make yourself get up at 7 everyday, maybe you can chose a household chore to do for 1/2 hour in the morning, then go out (it sounds silly, but this helps create routine, and purpose, as well as structure to your day...)
• once you feel that your mood is slightly getting better after the food / exercise / routine creating activities (say a couple of weeks) try your hand at volunteering part time semowhere, maybe one afternoon a week, maybe a little more, but not a full time thing... you could feel overwhelmed! Try different volunteering opportunities, and remember that it is a temporary thing for you to discover what you enjoy doing, and what you dislike! This should give you some clues as to the type of work that could fulfil you...
• make a clear decision to postpone any thinking about long term plans until after say three months; have a little book where you can jot down questions now about your future then put the book away and answer your questions in the light of your three months of the volunteering, exercising, healthy eating plan.... you will be amazed how some questions will appear so irrelevant and how some have been answered through these experiences!

I have just re-read your post and note you say you suffer from dyslexia, so my apologies again, as this post is very long, maybe you could cut and paste and read in smaller chunks....


In any case, remember that it is only in the last couple of generations that people are understood as being 'intelligent' because they have degrees; a lot of geniuses from the past who we admire to this day did not even go to school!

Hope this helps and that things start to feel better, you seem to have the right thinking tools, it's just finding the right end of the thread to pull, the rest will follow!!!

Take care

Wowza! Thank You so much for writing all this out for me.

First of all, yes I have been and seen my G.P. I saw a counsellor last year, which, was okay and it did help, but I just felt lost after seeing her and a few weeks later I was back to negative thoughts again. I have stopped my medication as I wanted to try to not rely on pills to keep me sane any more. I have tried dieting on healthier foods, although i could probably eat more veggies lol.

I really appreciate the compliments regarding intelligence and my ability to write; that actually made me feel a lot better about myself. I think when I left school, I never really thought much about maths and english, but a few years ago I realised i had to improve this area and thankfully i have done. I might not be an expert at grammar and spelling, but i do try to write to the best of my ability.

I think I will take your advice and start going for walks/runs in the morning early. I used to go for runs & sprints early in the morning, but it all went out the window when I had my mental health issues. I might start going for sprints again, though, to help burn the calories! lol

You spoke about the volunteering and I'm definitely going to look into that. I may even get a chance of paid employment through it - you never know. I still haven't decided what kind of voluntary work i would like to do, but i should really start having a look around and find something i feel will be of interest to me.

I wish i could have some kind of direction, though. I know it's bad, but i actually feel jealous that people my age or younger know what they want in life and are in careers they enjoy or are in education to get there. If i could be that person it would feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, as i tend to stress too much over my future, which isn't good considering my mental health issues.

Like i said on another post, though, i really need to just go do something, even if i have a mild interest in that subject; it's just i need something to focus on, something that gives me a sense of direction, because right now i feel like i'm standing still and the world is moving around me. :undecided

I went to visit a friend today and he is in similar position, but he has no motivation at all, the same as his brothers. He smokes weed a lot and plays video games all the time; doesn't have a job and lives an unsocial life. I left there feeling less motivated than ever, but that's what it's like when I visit him. I can't stop visiting or having him as a friend, but I definitely think I need people around me who are positive & motivated, as it rubs on you and makes you want to better yourself. I might have to distance myself from him for a while, just so i can try get some positivity back into my life.

eastofeden

You have had some really good advice already. I just wanted to throw in my two pennorth. I know you are dyslexic, but have obviously read all the posts to date effortlessly, judging by your well composed replies. I want to recommend a fantastic book on anxiety called At Last a Life by David Paul. It has really helped me. He also has a good website and forum etc.

He talks a lot about deep thinking and being in your own head etc which resonated with me, and maybe you.

I wish you all the best. You will find a productive path I am sure. With all the new pension regulations, you will be a long time working!!! Don't pressurise yourself with additional anxiety about what to do; focus on getting well as others have suggested.

Good luck!

eastofeden

Paul David, not David Paul!! PM me about it if you wish!!:o

J_i_m

kingslayer wrote: »

Wow, thank you every one who has replied so far. I really do appreciate the responses.

It's hard, because I really do want to make something of myself, but it's difficult when you have no idea what route to go, or no direction. I think i really need to just write up a plan and decide what I would prefer to pursue; not for the money, but for the happiness and well being it will bring to me.

Has anyone here taken a distance learning course? If so, how good is it? I have been considering looking into one of those online courses if I cannot decide on whether I want to go the traditional route, i.e. Access course and then university.

You need to find your strengths, and focus on developing those for a career. I find once you know your own strengths and attributes, confidence follows and more certainty about what you want to do.

I'm now in my thirties, and I only recently really focused in on my strengths and found the career path that feels right for me. There's no shame in not quite finding your way in your teens, and trying different things in the meantime will give you a broader experience anyway.

Depending on your learning style, distance learning courses can be good. I've done a few and I found them very much to my liking because you can organise your time any time you want and there is no class room to go to (as a dyslexic/Dyspraxic I always found a classroom environment challenging). So you can learn in your own way in your own time (as long as you complete it before the maximum time period).

morganedge

kingslayer wrote: »

What do your friends work as, if you don't mind me asking? I'm always interested (or nosy, depending on how you look at it lol) in other people's careers and how they got there.

Pretty much all of them went to university and graduated about ten years ago. I know some of their job titles and roughly what they earn, but not got a clue what some of them actually 'do' in their day to day.
According to their facebook accounts, they spend a lot of time having fun at functions and dinners etc, at their works expense! Some have pool tables and big screens for playstation gaming in their offices!
I'm so Jealous. It's a different world to what I know when it comes to work. (supervisors cracking a whip at me in a warehouse)

One a director of Marketing for a large retail firm
One is head of the human Resources department for a big conglomerate
One is a programmer who works for financial institutions
One is a software developer working in the oil industry
One works for facebook. (I think in marketing)

They all earn 4-8 times my salary.

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7_week_wonder

kingslayer wrote: »

Has anyone here taken a distance learning course? If so, how good is it? I have been considering looking into one of those online courses if I cannot decide on whether I want to go the traditional route, i.e. Access course and then university.

I have studied both at conventional Universities and with the Open University and in my opinion the Open University is much much better. The materials are great and you can put in as much effort as you want, it's much easier to read well-written course books and the various e-resources they provide than to try and reconstruct scribbled notes from a lecture. Also the Open University is fantastic in terms of the level of support available, they seem much more used to taking people from different educational starting points and helping them achieve.

One other good thing about the Open University is the first year courses are pretty broad. So if, for example, you did Science you would cover bits of physics, biology, chemistry and geology so that might help you find what really interests you.

I should say I have no connection with the OU other than being a huge fan!

Good luck whatever you decide to do.