I don't know what to do with my life. I'm in a quarter life crisis, any advice?

kingslayer

Hi, i will be incredibly grateful to anyone who reads this and replies.

Basically i'm in a big dilemma at the moment. I have no idea what i want to do with my life. I have suffered from depression, general anxiety, and social anxiety over the last 3-4 years and it's been difficult in my personal life.

I have been unemployed for over 2 years due to my mental illnesses and I've lost a lot of motivation and self confidence due to this. I started college at 18 (later than a lot of 16 year old's) because i was working full time at 16. I had to start on the foundation course as my GCSE's were not good enough; then after the foundation course i progressed onto a BTEC Diploma (equivalent to A levels) and finished college at 21.

After I left college i was undecided on what to do and as i didn't have my GCSE qualifications, i decided to study for my GCSE equivalents at the local adult community college. I then finished that course about a year later and decided to apply for University. Anyway, the Friday before, i travelled up to the university and set up my things in the accommodation, then i took a walk around the city with my friend (that drove me to the Uni) and during that walk i just decided that the degree i chose wasn't for me; it wasn't a subject i 100% truly wanted to study. I actually felt like i had pressured myself in to going to university. I decided to come home and cancel my student loans, accommodation, everything.

I thought that a year out to decide would help, but it just made things worse. I started to suffer from bad anxiety and panic attacks, which after a few months led to severe depression and i was put on medication. The medication only really helped reduce my anxiety, but my depression stayed for a long while.

To cut a long story short, i still have depression and anxiety and it's made me feel awful. I have no motivation any more, not like i used to have. I feel like a shadow of my former self, which is a really hard pill to swallow because 5 years ago i was confident and motivated, but forward on 5 years and I'm in a huge rut with no discernible qualifications. I studied a Sport course at college that has no use, and i'm just lost on what to do with my life.

I also feel less intelligent than others as I struggle due to dyslexia, so a lot of times i have to constantly re-read things to comprehend what they mean. My maths is not very good either, which worries me as I have considered returning to education.

Any advice would be really helpful, thanks.

bevanuk

Get up and get out there is the only thing you can do.
Nobody else can help you but yourself.
Go and do something with your life, even if it's not your "dream" it's a start to normality.

DomRavioli

Hi OP,

I would suggest you show this post to your GP - sounds like the medication isn't working too well. Don't worry though, I had to try 19 medications before I found one right for me (it is annoying to keep changing though!).

You will get there, you might want to ask for some CBT to help you cope and move on from the things you struggle with - it isn't guaranteed to help but you have to try these things

I've had anxiety for around 14 years; I worked for 13 of those, and have taken 6 months out to spend some time on me and get myself into a place where I can go back to work with the help of my GP and therapist.

Hope you get some support

cherryblossomzel

I'll second the comment about seeing your GP. Have you had any therapy? I am by no means an expert but it seems to me that you need to tackle the anxiety and depression first. There is help out there.

kingslayer

cherryblossomzel wrote: »

I'll second the comment about seeing your GP. Have you had any therapy? I am by no means an expert but it seems to me that you need to tackle the anxiety and depression first. There is help out there.

I did see a counsellor last year and it did help, but the problem is, i am still stressing so much over my future. Once i start stressing, i start becoming anxious and the depressed, it's like a roundabout in my head. On top of general anxiety, i also suffer quite bad with social anxiety. when I am around too many people, i start getting mini panic attacks. It is really frustrating and I just want to be "normal" so to speak.

I have been looking at access courses to start this year, though. I need to do something otherwise my life will waste away and I'll end up with a mediocre job, with a mediocre salary and nothing much else to show.

Jobseeeker

Why not decide what job you would like to do then start the necessary qualifications.

It seems like you're going round in circles studying random things

ventjoran

Hi Kingslayer,

Funny, I have not been on the site for a long while, and I don't tend to post much either, but somehow, I came across your post and thought I'd try and give you some positive help... Not sure if all of it will be useful, but hopefully, some of it will, and you may even find that trying the suggestions you do not find helpful now at a later date may change your mind about it! :-) Apologies if you find me too long also...

- Others have suggested you see your GP, so I will not expand on this - I have the feeling that you must have already sought medical opinion as you have used different words to describe your emotional difficulties (depression, anxiety, social anxiety...) which is not something people normally do unless they have discussed their issues with a professional who has helped them identify all these variations....

- First of all, a general point about intelligence-education-degrees.... I am sure you know this intellectually, but it is always good to remind oneself of this: it is not because you have a degree that you are neccessarily more intelligent than others; the reverse being true also, it is not because one has no school qualifications that they are 'less intelligent' than others!

Let me point two things in your post which show 'intelligence' (whatever you want to call it):

First of all, your post is clear, succint, well written, to the point! I have taught degree students who could not write a paragraph even remotely as articulate as yours despite years of study, private tutoring etc... - so obviously, you may not have a GCSE, but you have excellent literacy skills!!! A sure sign of 'intelligence'!!!

Second, you tell how you applied for a degree, were accepted and then, understood that you were doing the wrong thing by locking yourself in to three years of study, loans and debts, for something you were not convinced you liked enough. This is the most mature, the most reasonable, the most intelligent thing you could have done!!! Many students start on their university courses because of being pressured (by parents, friends, society in general or simply, by themselves) into 'doing like eveyone else'... only to drop out in the first year, after having drowned their sorrow in enough beer to mop up their student loans.... You are very clear that you quit because you 'it wasn't a subject i 100% truly wanted to study', and not something like 'I could not cope being in the middle of strangers' or even 'I felt I would not be good enough'... and you took the logical, and intelligent, step of taking a year out to find out if you could work out what you wanted to do. So again, I think you should give yourself credit for being very mature about this, and, even if it is unfortunate that the year out did not bear the fruit you were expecting, what would the alternative be? You could be at the end of you second year at uni, stressing yourself like mad and hating every minute of it because the subject you picked was not right!

- You now have been unemployed and losing hope; the most important in my opinion would be to take some step to prevent yourself from spiralling further down, some suggestions to help:

• make sure you exercise daily, take the dog for a walk, if you don't have a dog, maybe a neighbour may be grateful! Go for a walk, go for a cycle ride, leisurely, pleasant, try to walk in areas where there is green around, trees, birds, a small river... look at nature, admire its beauty for 1/2 hour a day, breather in fresh air! (this is not wishy washy, it is tested and recognised as helping with low mood!!!)
• make sure you eat well, I mean healthy fresh food, cut down on sugars, alcohol, sweet drinks, tea, coffee, any stimulants... replace with herbal teas (if you are a caffeine addict, you must do this gradually to avoid caffeine withdrawal symptoms which can be very uncomfortable!)
• try to create a routine for yourself; if you are so down that you do not get out of bed, and end up staying up all night on the internet, try to make yourself get up at 7 everyday, maybe you can chose a household chore to do for 1/2 hour in the morning, then go out (it sounds silly, but this helps create routine, and purpose, as well as structure to your day...)
• once you feel that your mood is slightly getting better after the food / exercise / routine creating activities (say a couple of weeks) try your hand at volunteering part time semowhere, maybe one afternoon a week, maybe a little more, but not a full time thing... you could feel overwhelmed! Try different volunteering opportunities, and remember that it is a temporary thing for you to discover what you enjoy doing, and what you dislike! This should give you some clues as to the type of work that could fulfil you...
• make a clear decision to postpone any thinking about long term plans until after say three months; have a little book where you can jot down questions now about your future then put the book away and answer your questions in the light of your three months of the volunteering, exercising, healthy eating plan.... you will be amazed how some questions will appear so irrelevant and how some have been answered through these experiences!

I have just re-read your post and note you say you suffer from dyslexia, so my apologies again, as this post is very long, maybe you could cut and paste and read in smaller chunks....


In any case, remember that it is only in the last couple of generations that people are understood as being 'intelligent' because they have degrees; a lot of geniuses from the past who we admire to this day did not even go to school!

Hope this helps and that things start to feel better, you seem to have the right thinking tools, it's just finding the right end of the thread to pull, the rest will follow!!!

Take care

J_i_m

kingslayer wrote: »

I also feel less intelligent than others as I struggle due to dyslexia, so a lot of times i have to constantly re-read things to comprehend what they mean. My maths is not very good either, which worries me as I have considered returning to education.

Any advice would be really helpful, thanks.

Intelligence (or lack of) is absolutely not linked to dyslexia.

Firstly, some very sucessful people are known as dyslexics, Sirs Jackie Stewart and Richard Branson. I don't think that any sane or reasonable person would describe them as untelligent and yet they struggled academically.

With regards to the social anxiety, I wonder if it would be worth being referred to an occupational therapist, as your anxiety 'might' (but not neesacarily) be linked to symptoms of other neurological disorders related to dyslexia such as dyscalculia, dyspraxia, aspergers, autism etc.

As all these overlap to some extent, the diagnosis can be difficult and it's not unusual to be dual diagnosed. For example, I was diagnosed with both Dyslexia and Dyspraxia.

Remember, intelligence is where ever you can find it, you don't have to be professor of physics to be clever.

Also the advice of regular exercise is very good, it's good for your physical health, and the release of endorphins into your body can help lift your mood. Whilst that in itself is not going to take your depression away, it may go some way to helping you cope with it.

slenderkitten

hi i have had severe depression myself, i chose not to take medication as it was because a situation i was in and i didn't want to go down the drugs route with it.

You talk about doing this that and the other courses, but have you considered working for a charity go to the http://www.do-it.org.uk/ website which is the national site that all charities advertise their jobs through.

At least you will have some working experience you can pick a part time or a full time vacancy, even try and do something completely different you would not have thought have doing before at least you are free to walk away from this compared to a formally arranged paid job or course.

The main thing is to DO something about your situation to make that change.

Good luck.

[Deleted User]

kingslayer wrote: »

Hi, i will be incredibly grateful to anyone who reads this and replies.

To cut a long story short, i still have depression and anxiety and it's made me feel awful. I have no motivation any more, not like i used to have. I feel like a shadow of my former self, which is a really hard pill to swallow because 5 years ago i was confident and motivated, but forward on 5 years and I'm in a huge rut with no discernible qualifications. I studied a Sport course at college that has no use, and i'm just lost on what to do with my life.

Any advice would be really helpful, thanks.

I can understand how you've felt on the down side, I don't know if your aware but the Sports industry is a booming one right now so I wouldn't say your qualification there is really in vain please don't say that! if you tell people you're rubbish of course there is the very real probability they are going to start thinking that way of you, if I could swap places with you I think I would as would really appreciate your knowledge if you get my drift ;)but once I've studied it no way am I going to say that was a load of junk, so your calling can be out there - I found my current job in sports supplements originally advertised through the Jobcentre/totaljobs so nothing special but boy they would have preferred someone with some sort of vested interest any day of the week! :eek: In another job of late I had to learn to love iphones and get with the times in modern tech gadgets having no personal previous interaction or interest so quite an embarrassing moment as old fashioned hehe - both though could be absolutely worked on and overcome as knowledge is power

FBaby

How old are you now? The problem is that you have no work experience at all (or very little when you were 16) and although it is ok up to a certain stage, no qualification/degree is going to get you a rewarding job if you don't start getting into the job market. Also, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to adapt to it socially.

Unfortunately, you will only deal with the stress/anxiety you are experiencing by jumping head first in and then taking in step by step, until you start to realise that it's not as bad you stressed about and you can go to the next step.

I would recommand that the first step you take is to try to take on a part-time job, one that doesn't involve dealing too much with the public and ideally that you find of some interest. Take it one day at a time, then one week after another. Once your confidence start to grow and you realise that you are as capable as anyone else, you can consider going full-time, going on the next step career-wise, or taking on studying part-time if you know for sure then what you want to do.

Don't let the stress of what could be stop you to even see if it comes to it, when in most likelihood, it won't at all.