Feeling hopeless about the future

ja89

I'm 25, have suffered with depression and anxiety since I was a teen and I really struggle to make friends and socialise. I'm shy and really quiet and I don't like to go for nights out, it's my idea of hell.

I worry about my future, especially now when all of my old friends and my sister are having families and children. I always feel like i'm on the outside looking in, even when I was a child it was the same. I feel like i'm being punished because I can't have what those around me have.
All I want is somebody to accept me and to share my life with and have a little family, the family I never had as a child. Everyone around me seems to have this but me and I don't understand why I can't have it either. I've struggled to have a normal life and tried so hard but I feel like I'm being punished. I fear I will die alone when I'm older surrounded by my dogs.

tesuhoha

Maybe you should get some hobbies, join some clubs etc so that you meet more people.

serious_saver

I also hate nights out and always have done. Do you enjoy reading? Try looking for a local book club. One of the great things about a book club is that the topic of conversation is already decided before you go so you don't have to think of lots of things to talk about.

susieq87

OP I totally understand how you feel about your friends going off and having kids and getting married, I am two years older than you and this month four of my friends have gotten engaged, a few have babies and one got married last year and I just broke up with my long term S/O. I understand how that feels, trust me!
Like advised above join some clubs that allow you to interact with like minded people. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone you won't find them in your house neither nor will they come knocking on your door.

susieq87

Also, since you have a history of depression have you tried exercising either gym, yoga, netball they are really good for alleviating stress and have been known to combat depression. I particularly found yoga and gym quite helpful this last month

DomRavioli

Hi OP,

Don't worry about being "left behind"; I'm 28, have anxiety and all my friends are married and most have kids - you need to be secure in yourself first before you go down the road of being with someone and committing for a long time (learned that one the hard way).

Have you approached your GP for some help? There are group CBT classes in some areas which can help with the health problems whilst meeting new people which might be worth a look - I found they weren't for me but they are good!

You have to learn to love yourself and deal with the emotional side of things first, and then you can get on with life a little more You will get there, I believe in you and know you can do this!

dancingfairy

I think if you looked a little further than maybe your immediate family you'd find that a) not everyone is happily settled at 25 and b) there are many people that are with someone who is not the right person for them.
I don't see what it's not possible for you, it might just take a bit of time to meet the right person (especially if you are not a clubbing/pubbing kind of person). Do any of your friends enjoy going out for a drink and a meal (rather than a full on getting drunk evening)? maybe a pub quiz? I think you do have to obviously try and meet new people somehow if you want to meet 'the one'. What do you enjoy doing? Maybe you could join a sewing club if you like sewing, or a baking club if you like baking etc etc (even if they are just virtual clubs to start with).
df

jenand8285

I second what has been said about joining a exercise club. I joined a cardio kick boxing club about 5 years ago just for something to do. I met a friend there and we have since become really good mates I met many more friends through her even though we gave up training years ago. She is probably a friend for life, so you never know who you might meet where.

Also what about a local college course? I also met people there too.

ja89

Thanks for the replies, glad I'm not alone.

I have tried various therapies but I think i'm just an anxious, shy person by nature. I have been thinking about joining some clubs/groups or something will have to look into that.

PenguinJim

When I was 27, I helped someone online who was 19 and lived with their parents and was miserable about life and the future. I researched their options for working holidays in Canada, Australia and New Zealand. I was surprised to learn that the upper limit was generally 29/30 years old for working holiday schemes, as for some reason I had thought it was 25.

Later that month a redundancy became available in my office, where I expected comfortable uninspiring work until I was 65, and I asked for it to be given straight to me instead of them appraising both me and my (underperforming!) counterpart. With a degree and without a criminal record, I received an email response accepting my application for an Australian Working Holiday Visa with an hour of applying! I sold most of my possessions, including my car, to pay for the plane ticket. With only 20kg of stuff (and I'd previously been a pack-rat!), I set out on perhaps the first courageous thing I'd done in my life.

Usually avoiding uncomfortable situations and challenging RL scenarios, I decided to say "yes" to events that were outside my comfort zone. Within three months I was managing a restaurant and had met my wife. After dating for eight weeks we drove thousands of kilometers around Australia in a month (and I was certain that four weeks in a car together would end our relationship!).

That was a few years ago, and I've only popped back to the UK for a month-long visit since then. I've been travelling around Asia with my partner, doing some very strange things indeed, including being on National Chinese Television praising the God of the Sea in mandarin during a Taiwanese religious festival that featured some of the country's biggest celebrities on-stage with me!

So... ermmm... yes, you could join a gym. Or GO NUTS AND ABANDON THE UK! DO IT! DO IT! :j

Pyxis

Here comes a suggestion, but I don't want you to freak out until you've heard it all! :rotfl:

Is there a rock choir in your area?

(I said, don't freak out!!)

If not a rock choir, then there's bound to be several community choirs of one sort or another.

(Stop freaking out, I said!)

The thing is, you DON'T need a good voice to be in one of these choirs!
You don't need ANY singing experience!
You DON'T need to know about music!
You DON'T need to be able to read music.
There's NO audition involved! You usually just say whether you want to sing high, middle or low

I've heard choirs where the chorus sound is good, but individual voices ranged from good, through bearable, to awful! A 'choral' voice is not the same as a 'solo' voice.

All you need is a liking for music! Rock choirs sing pop, rock, gospel etc., all exhilerating upbeat songs.
There's an energy about singing with a group of people. You'll come away feeling empowered, uplifted, appreciated and with a great sense of achievement! :j
Plus, you get to make good friends and have such a laugh!:grouphug:

Add to that the physical benefits of singing - increased oxygen intake, endorphin release, improved concentration - and what's not to like? :):)

There's usually a number to ring or email address where you can have a chat and find out what's involved.

You see? No freaking out necessary! Go enjoy! :j