In Need of Some Support

michael1983l

I am not the most articulate when it comes to the written word so please bear with me but I was hoping I could get some support from those of you that have been there before and understand.

I am so stressed right now and I am now worried because the stress is bringing out symptoms of Bi-polar which I have been managing to self control quite well for the past year or so without medication.

Well I have obviously taken advice and decided upon bankruptcy being the best option for me but I am a little bit concerned it is too much for me as I am going through a divorce also. I am supposed to be going to mediators but I get charged and cannot afford to pay and they will write to the court to say I didn't take up the option of mediation, which will look bad for me when getting shared custody of my kids.

As well as all of this I have an attachment of earnings on my wages of £200 a month which has meant I have no money left for food or Petrol until the 25th when I next get paid. I have had to take a couple of days leave at work, not because I wanted it but because I have no petrol left to get to work and no other means to do so.

Borrowing is not an option, first of all I can't afford to pay it back and secondly as someone that has had servere gambling problems in the past, not too many people are keen on lending me money anymore, not because I never pay back but because I have in the past relied too much on them.

Ok so I get a visit from the Royal British Legion yesterday, as an ex serving member they can help me.

I found the whole thing very stressful, the nice lady was looking around my flat, saying you havne't got this you haven't got that and she said she could get for me. But this made me feel really bad and really guilty, first of all I gambled in the past so it is my fault so I don't want to take from charities where other more deserving people could have in my place. And secondly it felt like I was begging and I can't do that. I said to her thank you very much but I cannot accept because I don't feel right in doing so. She had good intentions but the whole thing upset me and it did not make me feel good.

Then we have the more immediate problems at hand, having no food and no means to obtain food and the remote location I live in means I cannot even have meals at a family members because I got no petrol left.

I am stressed out to the max and I feel as though my head is going to explode. Not sure I can handle much more of this and none of my family seem to be understanding because they all think it is my own fault and I have had chances in the past.

Just had enough and feel like giving up.

Mykidsrcool

Michael, i really feel for you and have been in a similar situation myself. I have been through the divorce, sectioning, having nothing and wanting to give up so many times.

I never thought that two years on i would be where i am now, it has been a very hard 2 years. I am lucky in that i have met an amazing woman who understands and supports me, i still have nothing to my name like a tv, fridge or washing machine.

I have my court date for BR at the end of the month and am stressing to the max about it, but reading the forums has helped to ease my fears and there is some real good advise.

I was taught just to look at one issue at a time, be open and honest and it will all start to come around. If people genuinely want to help you, let them and if you are worried about paying them back, its not all about money. Maybe you can do odd jobs for them or help the charity?

mumofronnienreggie

Im a total lurker on this page, but I coudnt pass by your post without saying something. I've also been in the position of having nothing, literally, and really struggling with asking for help... accepting it was even worse.
I don't know that I can say anything to help other than to do what you can, action what you can and let go what you cant. Communicate honestly with people ( like the courts over the mediation etc). You can't do any more than that. Things wont be as they are right now, forever and if you have made the decision to progress positively with your life then you will. Even the tiniest steps forward are still moving you in the right direction.
Fantastic support on here , even for ppl like me that just read rather than comment and there wont be a thing you can mention that one of us hasn't already been through.
You are only human. Don't beat yourself up. Life is tough enough without kicking the c##p out of yourself.
Big hugs.

michael1983l

Thanks, I guess there is not much anyone can say, hence the lack of replies that can make anything any better. There are no magic wands that can fix my situation. I am only a couple of days into not having any food and I am already just constantly thinking about it. Got 9 more days to go too. I have some scraps left but saving them for when I get really hungry.

I suppose just hearing that I am not the only one to be through this and that it will get better helps. Thank you for your replies.

macbabypam

Sounds like you are in a really tough place right now Michael. I got help with my BR fees from the Royal British Legion and this was a godsend for me as like you I had nothing and no way of getting the fees together. My advice is take the help that is offered to you, you may be in a position to help them out in the future.

Most of the people on these boards facing BR have been in severe financial difficulties. It doesn't matter how you got there, what matters is that you are facing up to your problems and finding a workable solution. It's easy to beat yourself up when you're feeling low and wish you could go back in time to change the mistakes and decisions you made. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and is really great at making you feel guilty.

Look at the hear and now Michael, be practical and do what you need to in order to get through this difficult time. Things will get better slowly but surely. Just a suggestion, but why not check out if there are any food banks in your locality. They are there for people in your situation, you shouldn't be going hungry, that won't help your physical or emotional strength. Ring your local advice centre and they will be able to give you information.

michael1983l

I know what you are saying about food banks but it is just such a draining thing to do to have to tell a stranger they details of your problems, especially after you have already done that a few times already. I am not sure if I have the strength to keep going through that. I suppose it might be inevitable, I wouldn't even know about how to get a refferal as from what I understand you need one first.

egrescrimp

michael1983l wrote: »

I know what you are saying about food banks but it is just such a draining thing to do to have to tell a stranger they details of your problems, especially after you have already done that a few times already. I am not sure if I have the strength to keep going through that. I suppose it might be inevitable, I wouldn't even know about how to get a refferal as from what I understand you need one first.

You can get a referral from your doctor

michael1983l

egrescrimp wrote: »

You can get a referral from your doctor

hahaha will take me about a week to get an appointment

Seriously though, what do you do, book an appointment to tell them you are starving? Seems a bit of a waste of a doctors time? Is that ok to do?

egrescrimp

michael1983l wrote: »

hahaha will take me about a week to get an appointment

Seriously though, what do you do, book an appointment to tell them you are starving? Seems a bit of a waste of a doctors time? Is that ok to do?

Does your local surgery do Emergency appointments? You could go in on the basis of feeling down and depressed, explain your situation to them and that you aren't eating right (not eating can play a role in feeling down).

You can also get a referral from your hospital, your local church, Job Centre etc.

tomtontom

Given the number of contradictions in your posts, it does sound like a visit to your GP about your mental health would be warranted.

michael1983l

tomtontom wrote: »

Given the number of contradictions in your posts, it does sound like a visit to your GP about your mental health would be warranted.

I do not really know what you mean by that.