In sickness and in health: Study suggests divorce is more common when WIVES fall ill

System

I think my being Ill was the catalyst for my ex cheating on me and subsequently leaving me (well that and he was a !!!!!)

I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with when ill but when he was ill, despite being ill myself, I put everything into supporting him (on top of the fact he blamed me being ill for causing him to be ill-though I gather after he left me he still had the same issues so not sure how that worked)

I recall one time whilst being started on new medication and not feeling well from the effects his response was "why don't they think of me when they put you on this !!!!ing medication?"

System

I don't think my husband could cope if I became seriously ill. In fact I'm sure he couldn't.

Pyxis

Interesting thread, this.

What's the difference between:
"Give me a ring if you need anything"
and
"Right, I'm coming later with a light lunch for you. I'll pick up a few bits for you on the way. No argument."

What's the difference between:
" It's all about YOU, isn't it!"
and
"You're not too well, you use the bathroom before me, please!"

In each instance, the first remark was directed at me, when ill with a chest infection, by a female, (friend and close family member respectively).
The second remark was what I needed to hear, but didn't.

Interestingly, neither female had experienced much in the way of illness themselves, nor had either of them had children.

Maybe that's the secret; if you know only too well what it's like to be ill, or if you've had hands-on experience looking after children, (as was stated in a previous post), maybe that increases empathy in either sex.

lostinrates

I feel very lucky that my ill health has not hampered my relationship, though it does add stresses, they are ones my husband and I overcome. I became unwell not long after we met, and nobody could have expected loyalty such as he showed from the length of our relationship initially.

There are huge emotional and practical stresses people just don my really think about. Time off isn't 'holiday" if your partner is too unwell to travel or you use your time off to attend consultations with them. If your family are overseas and you cannot use that holiday to visit them, its a stress

Practically, trying to do as much as possible, but not too much to 'unnecessarily ' disable your unwell partner is a difficult balance. DH and I often fall into the habit of him trying to do do much, and me relying too much.

This is besides any direct emotion of fear/sadness/ frustration that is inevitable I think.

Emotionally......the burden can be huge. I some times feel 'guilty' DH is stuck with me, which makes him a. Bit frustrated too. I know there are things he does cut like happening to me in hospitals, and to think of pain etc.

I can see a strong burden on partners of the unwell, harder by far sometimes I think for him than for me.

I do think DH finds it harder to juggle tasks than I would, ( or do) but he makes a bloody good go of it.

Morglin

Yes, I think the stress on a partner of someone suddenly very sick or suddenly made disabled is underestimated.

So many, previously simple, things become a major operation!

Just going on holiday needs so many phone calls to check suitability, a major palaver packing equipment, and then the sheer effort of ust getting there.

But, it does very much depend on the people involved, as I can organise/bypass/get around any amount of physical problems (sometimes by paying outside help), but I know I couldn't cope with anyone feeling sorry for themselves, or a depressive.

I am very much a 'shut up and get on with it' type and I find it hard to deal with anyone that isn't.

Lin

lostinrates

Morglin wrote: »

Yes, I think the stress on a partner of someone suddenly very sick or suddenly made disabled is underestimated.

So many, previously simple, things become a major operation!

Just going on holiday needs so many phone calls to check suitability, a major palaver packing equipment, and then the sheer effort of ust getting there.

But, it does very much depend on the people involved, as I can organise/bypass/get around any amount of physical problems (sometimes by paying outside help), but I know I couldn't cope with anyone feeling sorry for themselves, or a depressive.

I am very much a 'shut up and get on with it' type and I find it hard to deal with anyone that isn't.

Lin

In my case I am not allowed to fly at all any more. I'd been finding it increasing ly hard and then a situation two years ago revealed ATM it is extremely dicey for me to fly, and I am no longer fit to. So, while I often feel WELL enough to travel! I'm not safe to! Its ridiculous. Some physicL problems cannot be surmounted.

But As you say, there are two ways of dealing with it. To day I am not well enough to help with much physical work in the garden so DH has helped me outside and I'm sitting out here with two of my dogs and one of the cats enjoying helping from the 'visionary' perspective .

Better than moping.