Thoughts....

AnxiousMum

FBaby wrote: »

I agree that there are extra costs that needs meeting but that should come from the additional benefits OP gets to claim fully as if she had the children full time rather than 50% of the time so getting these AND expecting additional maintenance is to me having her cake and eating it. The fact that he earns more doesn't mean he had to agree to pay for the big chunk of school trips. Our household earns well but when DD asked is she could go on an expensive school trip I said no (because I rather spend the money on a family holiday).

Regardless of the right and wrong of it OP had angered her ex and he is now doing the same thing she decided to do and that is to try to get the most of what he can of the system which ultimately will mean losing out.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3104888

FBABY - you seemed to agree a couple of years ago that some help from your ex would be helpful for the kids extras - as he too, didn't buy them things that were needed. As you said, you didn't need the money.....you could support the children on your own.....but you still felt it right that he should contribute towards them.

RuthnJasper

AnxiousMum wrote: »

Thank you
It was mid February when the kids were at his house on the Wednesday of half term, and they left his place, walked to mine and called my mobile when they found I wasn't home, asking me to come home as they had left dad's stating 'he won't be happy till we hate you', as he had been infuriated at some mail he received, and told the boys I was 'stealing all his money'. That was the last time that two of them have been there despite trying to encourage them to go see him. He does not try to contact them. (He teaches at the school two of them attend, and he lives at the end of our street), so two see him every day at school in passing, the other isn't in high school yet and so hadn't seen him since half way through February until this last weekend where I literally dropped him off for the day.

I can handle his attitude toward me, what I cannot abide by is the behaviour and treatment towards the kids.

Thank you for the link above about shared care/day to day care - I shall have a read of this.

This fool is a teacher?!? Sorry to hear of your troubles AnxiousMum; hope things will be OK for you and your boys. x

AnxiousMum

RuthnJasper wrote: »

This fool is a teacher?!? Sorry to hear of your troubles AnxiousMum; hope things will be OK for you and your boys. x

Yep - and (according to my 15 yr old) is going away on school camping trip this weekend and leaving the 15 yr old alone in the house from this evening until Sunday afternoon! Livid? Can't be livid enough. This kid has never been 'street smart', is certainly NOT emotionally capable or responsible enough for that. His 11 yr old brother would be more responsible and capable! Of course the 15 yr old thinks it's great......until he hears that first strange noise in the night!

FBaby

In my case, I had the children full time AND paid for absolutely everything. I even pay for their transport to go and visit him every single week-end and more during the holidays, so yes, some contribution would have been nice. I still don't get one penny from him for the children, but I have given up hoping he would realise one day that he has a financial duty towards them too. The kids are not suffering from it and that's what matters most.

I understand what you are saying about the agreement you had when you were together, but the fact is that you are not together and he has no responsibility towards you any longer. Many single mums have to increase their hours once they separate/divorce to increase their income. I don't understand why it would take two years for you to go back to working full-time if your income is limited. Clearly your children don't need childcare after school any longer.

Saying that, I don't think it is black or white, as it might very well be that all the things you are buying as extra are more costly than what you receive in benefits, but if that's the case, I think you would have had a much better chance to get him to contribute if you'd showed it to be the case. Ultimately, you couldn't force him to contribute, and going to the csa was the way to do it, but again, it is now backfiring if he can start claiming for one of your children, in which case, what will you do to afford these extras?

I totally agree though that his taking it out on the kids is appauling.

AnxiousMum

It would take me a couple of years to get my income toa place where I could support the kids properly as I have up my career and will need to upgrade training to get to where I should be had I not switched jobs to be there as per our agreement.

Yes. ... One does still require childcare before and after school if I were to increase my hours and go back to different job.

What will I found? Well he leaves no choice but to go for 100% of the child support for the two that are now with me 100% of the time. So. .. He gets the c b for one. .... £80 per month. ... About £130 in child support o'er month from me when he then will gave to increase his cs for the two from £280 per month for 50 % shared care for two, to an increased amount of 560 per month for 100 % care as he doesn't have these two at all.

Remember the 'extras' are all things we agreed the kids would do. Unfortunately he refuses to communicate in any way so csa is the only way to ensure money goes on kids rather than scratch tickets. He is currently off at camp with other people's children on D of E trip and has left the 15 yr old home alone from Friday night to Sunday night.....yep he's got the safety and wellbeing of our kids as oriiority
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