Thoughts....

AnxiousMum

hi all,

Last year, I moved out of the family home with the kids. I tried having discussions with the ex as to how to split the 'extra curricular' costs of things the children needed, and the ex would have no communication other than 'I'll do what I can when I can'. Well, when I have to make commitments months in advane for school trips (expensive ones that had we been together still, they would have been able to go on), I needed more of a commitment from the ex before I could commit to them going.

Given that the ex refuses to communicate with me on ANYTHING to do with the boys, let alone finances - I felt I had no choice but to involve the CSA. We then agreed that the boys would have 50/50 care, but this did not resolve the communication regarding finances for things needed outside of the day to day care. So I filed for Child support and was awarded 50% of the full amount due to the 50/50 care.

I was advised by CSA that the ex ignored any communication, would not respond to telephone calls, messages etc. and so in February, they started a deduction of earnings, taking current pyments as well as arrears until October, and then it will revert to bout half the amount which will just be current CSA payments.

At the time, I felt that this was the ex's fault for ignoring their correspondence and requests for communication.

The ex has now stopped seeing the boys claiming there is no money to feed them, nor money to put in petrol to take them to school on their days with the ex. This is really sad - and I have offered to pay back to the ex the amoutn of the arrears so that it's not as bad each month. This has been refused as in I have been told to give the money, but unless I cancel CSA altogether, the kids cannot stay overnight, cannot be driven to school etc., as the ex won't do that AND pay any CSA. The ex doesn't understand that the 50% reduction is because those costs are being (or supposed to) met when the kids are there.

Fast forward to today - I am told by the Ex that a complaint has been filed against CSA formally, and this will go to court. I;m told that CSA have admitted telling him in September that as it's 50/50 care that nothing would be payable, and that there was no further communicationf rom them. He found out about the deduction of earnings apparently when payroll dept. told him.

If that is true - then this is really unfair, but I've offered half the money back (arrears amount) but he refuses it. The cost is being paid by my children in terms of not being able to spend teh time with their dad, and by me too, in that I now have 100% of the costs which is hard to do each month. It has created (obviously) lots of animosity, verbal abuse etc. from him which I've had to endure, has created hostility from the kids towards me and I'm really not impressed.

Could this be the case from the CSA do you think? Do you think he's telling me the truth? They had told me they hadn't heard bck from him, that they had tried calling him, etc., and tehy said they checked everything had been done/attempted before sending for an attachment of earnings.

I know he never answers his landline at all - so if they were calling that, they would never get him. I did provide his mobile number too.

HoneyNutLoop

Your post indicates you might have applied for maintenance in October 2013, so would be under the 2012 scheme administered by the Child Maintenance Service, rather than the CSA. Is that correct? It's important to know which scheme your case is under, as it impacts the potential answer to your query.

AnxiousMum

Hi - sorry yes - I guess it is the CMS - the newest system? Thanks

Caz3121

If 50/50 care and two children do you claim child benefit and tax credits for one child each or do you receive for both children?

iammumtoone

If its 50/50 care does he not claim his share of CSA (or whatever its called) from you? You may find you also owe him money for arrears :eek:

thebadger2001

I'm sorry I'm new here and I haven't the foggiest how to post so I have replied to an existing one.

I am at my wits' end. I applied to the CMS in November of last year. They immediately wrote to me to tell me they had set up my payments and they would let me know when they would actually happen. I heard nothing for months so I telephoned the helpline. I was told that they had contacted my daughter's father who had not (as I suspected he might) denied paternity. They said they were having trouble with the HMRC interface so they could not get hold of his income details (he is Operations Director of a very large construction company). This went on for several more weeks and then when I tried to ring again they told me that my log in details were incorrect and they could not talk to me. They told me someone would ring me back to reset my details. This did not happen. I have written twice to complain but nobody has got back to me. I don't understand why it is taking so long if the father is supposedly co-operating. I have had no communication at all. Can anybody advise?

AnxiousMum

iammumtoone wrote: »

If its 50/50 care does he not claim his share of CSA (or whatever its called) from you? You may find you also owe him money for arrears :eek:

Apparently he is trying to now......but CSA is still necessary even with 50/50 care - at least in our case! I did call him to see if he could contribute towards some school field trips, and he wouldn't commit to being able to contribute towards them. Nor would he discuss who would be responsible for buying the things that they only need one of etc., (boots, jackets etc., gifts for friends birthdays - that typeof thing) so as he earns three times as much as I do per year, I did file for maintenance so that I could ensure that the things that needed to be paid for as 'one offs' could be paid for, by me, with the help of his child maintenance at a 50% discount to him. As I said in my original post - had he been willing to come to an arrangement about that type of thing, maintenance would nto have been required.

AnxiousMum

Caz3121 wrote: »

If 50/50 care and two children do you claim child benefit and tax credits for one child each or do you receive for both children?

I receive the CB and CTC for all - I'm the one who purchases everything they need - and pay for school trips, recreational stuff, sports activitie - registration and kit, and all that type of thing. He won't so much as drive them to a football game.

I'm working the same as I did when we were together - 30 hrs per week but term time only. This of course, reduces my earnings as it did all the time we were together. But, I was there, and still am there, to tend to their needs, drop them at school, be at home after school etc. Youngest starts high school in September, so i will be able to increase my income/work hours then.

he is currently trying to claim CB - not because he feels he is entitled to it - but becuase it will then stop the CTC that I receive - which he doesn't qualify for due to income. As he says - he'll do it just to screw me over....but hey ho - back to my original question - I'm wondering if the CMS has messed up - as I do hate to think that he had arrears adn current payments deducted from earnings without warning and knowledge that they were going to do this. He claims he was told no payments would be necessary and never heard from them again until salary was reduced. Coudl that be right? As I said above, I have offered him the arrears amount back which his pride won't allow him to accept - I'm not trying to screw him over, but I'm not about to let him do that to me and the kids either.

Kayalana99

AnxiousMum wrote: »

The ex has now stopped seeing the boys claiming there is no money to feed them, nor money to put in petrol to take them to school on their days with the ex. This is really sad - and I have offered to pay back to the ex the amoutn of the arrears so that it's not as bad each month. This has been refused as in I have been told to give the money, but unless I cancel CSA altogether, the kids cannot stay overnight, cannot be driven to school etc., as the ex won't do that AND pay any CSA. The ex doesn't understand that the 50% reduction is because those costs are being (or supposed to) met when the kids are there.

Fast forward to today - I am told by the Ex that a complaint has been filed against CSA formally, and this will go to court. I;m told that CSA have admitted telling him in September that as it's 50/50 care that nothing would be payable, and that there was no further communicationf rom them. He found out about the deduction of earnings apparently when payroll dept. told him.

If that is true - then this is really unfair, but I've offered half the money back (arrears amount) but he refuses it. The cost is being paid by my children in terms of not being able to spend teh time with their dad, and by me too, in that I now have 100% of the costs which is hard to do each month. It has created (obviously) lots of animosity, verbal abuse etc. from him which I've had to endure, has created hostility from the kids towards me and I'm really not impressed.

Could this be the case from the CSA do you think? Do you think he's telling me the truth? They had told me they hadn't heard bck from him, that they had tried calling him, etc., and tehy said they checked everything had been done/attempted before sending for an attachment of earnings.

I know he never answers his landline at all - so if they were calling that, they would never get him. I did provide his mobile number too.

Why are you feeling bad? He is just being a stubborn *** trying to get you to cancel CSA ~ as for CSA not telling him about his wages well they even said he wouldn't answer letters phone calls emails...what else were they supposed to do?

If he is no longer having the kids ring up CSA and update them of the 100% care agreement.....and tell your ex as well.

If he cared that much about the boys he wouldn't be not seeing them in spite...but I am sure once you update CSA he will be seeing them shortly....

It sounds like he is just being a total idiot where ever he can to cause as much trouble as possible for everyone (including CSA) ...bet your glad your shot of him!!

AnxiousMum

Thanks......I guess when I say I'm feeling 'bad' about it - I feel bad for my kids losing out on the emotional side of things, and them losing out on building and maintaining the relationship with their Dad.

I've spoken with CSA / CMS this morning and they have confirmed their procedures with me, and there's no way that he didn't get informed, he just chose to ignore. But again, it's the kids paying the price. It sucks.

xoAmyox

Hi Anxious mum,

I used to the feel this way when my son didn't see his dad. But over time I've come to the realisation that anyone who uses their children as emotional/financial blackmail is definitely not one that my child would benefit from being around.

Please contact the CMS and inform them that you have 100% care and that his assessment needs to be updated - you AND your children deserve better from him.