My daughter won't make new friends

dandy-candy

My daughter is 15 and recently moved school as the old one was closing down. 4 girls from her old school moved with her, and the new school is very nice and the staff and girls are kind.
She's been there a term now and has started to pull sickies. This morning she rang me from the bus stop begging me to let her come home because she had found out her friend wasn't going in today, and she would have no one to talk to.
I'm certain it isn't a bullying issue as she doesn't talk to any girls besides her class mates, but only one of them is in her actual class.
When I tell her she must make new friends with the other girls she says "no, they're weird/boring" or "if I just go up and talk to them they'll think I'm weird" I don't think that the girls are weird, it just she is really shy and uses that as an excuse not to even approach them.
One other thing is it is a religious school and that makes her a bit uncomfortable, although it is completely happy to take all religions (or atheists) as pupils. It was her choice to go there as she wanted to continue at a single sex school and be with her friends
I'm not sure how to approach this as I can't make her make friends but she is really unhappy, hides in the loos etc when she is on her own. Has anyone had similar problems?

BitterAndTwisted

I think you need to do two things and the first one is to not pander to her pulling any more fake sickies. The other one is to have a chat with the school and see if they can find a way to make her feel more comfortable about establishing new friendships. Hiding in the loos is completely unhealthy behaviour and rather odd coming from a 15 year old.

z.n

No solution to offer- but sympathy. Teenage girls can be horrid. I am very shy and can only imagine how awful it is for your daughter to face all those new cliques every day. It might not be bullying in the traditional sense but it sure feels like it.

My DD is younger (13) and has had some problems in the past (she reckons she is the least popular girl in the class and her teacher raised concerns on her last school report about not being 'settled in the form')- however she tells me she is happy enough and not to worry. She has a small but reliable group of similarly 'less popular' girls, some of whom are in other classes but who meet up at lunchtime at a specific spot. They are agreed that any girl who gets pushed out elsewhere can join their group for as long as they like-no one is pushed away. ie they try not to be exclusive. I cannot believe that this arrangement is unique to her school so I would suggest your dd tries to identify these people in her own class. Trying to rely on friends from her old school might not work- dd found that the other girls decided to fit in with the popular people and then it becomes harder for them to be seen with the less popular ones. It is a minefield. I have no such problems with DS.

If the problem doesn't resolve quickly then have a word with the class teacher- or maybe your daughter could brave a club or two. Also, try looking at a book 'Queen bees and wanabees' which explains girl clique dynamics-I found it very helpful. Good luck.

Just thought- things got better for my dd when she decided not to bother trying to fit in with the 'popular' crowd. Accepting she was not willing to put the effort into that relationship (eg pretending to like One Direction/fashion/acting older than her age etc) freed her up to find the others of dissimilar mind. Your daughter thinking some are 'weirdos' suggests to me that she yearns to be part of the popular group-maybe her friend from her old school is managing to join and your daughter struggles thus leaving her isolated. Being judgemental about it will only make matters worse.

Ps Bitter and Twisted- disagree about hiding in the loos. Quite normal- but a good indicator of problems that need sorting.

CH27

Talk to her year head & see what advice they have.