divorce advice please

thequietone

Hi
My husband and i have been separated since january 2013,we had been married for 19 years. He moved out then and into another relationship. Now I'm happily in a relationship and wish to proceed with a divorce. I wanted to keep costs down and wait for the 2 year separation. But really want to get things moving now. He is happy to divorce too but doesnt want any costs! Could we say that our marriage was over before jan 2013 when he left the family home? and say we lived separately but in the same house for a few months? I've read a bit about this but unsure how leniant the courts are? what proof they are likely to want and if anyone else has been through a similar situation? We have no assets to sort at all and our children are now adults. Advice please

flossy_splodge

Why lie? Never a good idea. If you've already been separate over a year, suggest you just wait til the 2 years is up then do a DIY divorce which is as cheap as it can get.
Personally I'd expect him to pay half, after all, he left.

monty-doggy

You can still do a DIY divorce but you will need another reason. Unreasonable behaviour? If one of you is willing to take the blame?

prowla

Unreasonable behaviour doesn't have to be a damning criticism of the other party; if simply needs to show that you are no longer really in a marriage.

When you say there are no assets, what is the marital home?

lexington013

Totally agree with flossy, best not to lie, the DIY route is circa £107 and relatively straightforward. Ideally he will go half on the cost.

monty-doggy

£107??? The court fee is a standard £430/£435

poorlittlefish

Technically you can be separated from someone but still live in the same house as them for up to 6 months of the 2-year separation. However, you have to lead completely separate lives - eating separately, doing your own washing, no joint anything. This, of course, is very difficult to prove. We went down the 2-year separation route, despite having only been living in separate houses for 18 months. The court didn't ask us for any evidence, but they do have the power to reject such a claim, so although things went through OK for us, it won't always be the case.

As I wanted to get divorced asap I originally was going to cite my husband's unreasonable behaviour, but he got all uppity about it and said he wouldn't agree to it. You can't apply for divorce on the grounds of your own unreasonable behaviour, so either your husband would need to agree to it being his or he'd need to be the petitioner and cite yours. You need about half a dozen reasons. Your husband would be a fool to try and defend the claim or refuse to agree to it because it would just prolong the inevitable and end up being more costly.

I did my divorce myself, although I did get a bit of advice first from a solicitor who offered an initial free 30-minute session. You just download the forms, fill them in and send them to the court with the fees which are, as monty-doggy said, circa £430. With regard to the costs, in my case we paid half each, but initially I said I'd cover them as long as my husband agreed to consent to me divorcing him for his unreasonable behaviour. As he wouldn't, I made sure I got his half of the costs up front, lol.

pmlindyloo

Have a read of this:

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/overview

If you click on all the links you will find the form and the notes plus how to find out about court fees.

If you are both in agreement on which route to take then it really is very straight forward.

Tigsteroonie

For more guidance on the procedure and good advise, take a look at the Wikivorce website. Although it would increase costs, you might want to consider finalising the division of those non-assets with a Consent Order.

CP26

As other have said there's no point in telling fibs, better to just go down the route of unreasonable behaviour.

One of you will need to write a statement about the others behaviour but it doesn't have to be anything too serious. You'll need about 4-6 reasons and you can agree them together so nobody has to feel put out. It's not nice but if you don't want to be together any more there's no point dragging them out.

Here's a few examples of mine (note if you focus on your feelings this can help as your ex can't dispute how you felt) (and yes reading them back does make them all seem a bit trivial but they got me a divorce)

The respondent worked opposite hours to the petitioner and had a time consuming hobby. When there were opportunities to spend time as a couple the respondent preferred to spend time doing said hobby rather than spending time with the petitioner. This made the petitioner feel unwanted and isolated.

The respondent preferred to go on holidays that had a connection to his hobby and would not consider other destinations. This made the petitioner feel that her needs for a holiday were not being met.

The respondent did very little work around the home and the petitioner often completed the majority of household cleaning and maintenance tasks whilst also working full time. This made the petitioner feel unappreciated and unequal in the relationship.

End the statement with something like...

As a result of the respondents unreasonable behaviour the petitioner left the martial home on xx January 2013. Both parties have been leading completely separate lives since.


It will cost you the court fees. I agreed to pay on the understanding that he didn't contest anything, although you could come to some other arrangement.

Once you do get your divorce don't forget to get a clean break order to finalise your finances. If you don't there is a risk of making future claims against each other e.g. If one of you came into some money. The order can include almost anything you want e.g how the marital home is dealt with, or it could just be very simple and have a 'no future claims' clause. You will need to speak to a solicitor to get something drawn up but again if you both cooperate and agree you can keep costs relatively low.

suze200

As you are both with other people one could divorce the other on the grounds of adultery. As long as you are still married it is adultery if you have sex with some else even after you have separated.

The "other party" does not have to be named, the one who is the party "adulterer" just needs to sign the form to confirm that adultery did in fact occur.