no to best man brother-in-law

burnoutbabe

joint best men? with his brother organising stuff and doing a speach? Maybe you just reading out telegrams of who can't be there.

Would you not even be attending the stag do? or would you suggest a night of beers and currys locally and worry that won't be good enough?

Mojisola

morganedge wrote: »

I DO think that that is a part of it, at a guess.
Although I did state my reasons fairly clearly I thought.

Like I said, I think they also find it hard to understand me not wanting to do a speech and stuff, as they are all so confident.
I don't have ICT skills and I certainly won't do any kind of presentation.

I also get the impression that my brother-in-law still expects me to surprise him on the day with a kick-a$$, charismatic speech, despite everything i've said. ''He'll come good on the day'' type thing!! lol.

That puts you in a very difficult situation.:(

Is there someone who could mediate for you - tell you sister and her fiance that you'd hate the role and would be rubbish and you're thinking of them and don't want to spoil their day?

Are there any examples of when you had to do something similar and backed out or were forced to and it didn't go well?

morganedge

burnoutbabe wrote: »

joint best men? with his brother organising stuff and doing a speach? Maybe you just reading out telegrams of who can't be there.

I think that's where it's headed re. his brother (although I won't do anything like read out telegrams). I don't do public speaking full stop.

burnoutbabe wrote: »

j
Would you not even be attending the stag do? or would you suggest a night of beers and currys locally and worry that won't be good enough?

Another problem really. I already suggested that sort of night out, but everyone except me has lots and lots of money and they want to go to Prague for 4 nights. Another 'issue' for another thread at a guess, lol

Mojisola wrote: »

That puts you in a very difficult situation.:(

Is there someone who could mediate for you - tell you sister and her fiance that you'd hate the role and would be rubbish and you're thinking of them and don't want to spoil their day?

Are there any examples of when you had to do something similar and backed out or were forced to and it didn't go well?

I could get someone to mediate, but I've already said it myself to them anyway. I've said i'd be rubbish. I've said I don't do public speaking.

Other examples? I used to pretend to be sick in school when I had to do presentations, lol. On the rare occasion where I couldn't escape, I tried, but it always went awefully! Falling over my words, racing through the text to the point where nobody could understand me, dizzy feeling etc etc.
If like I suspect he's thinking that i'll do it on the day (and even worse has maybe told others this) then they're in for a shock, because it ain't gonna happen, lol

Mojisola

morganedge wrote: »

I could get someone to mediate, but I've already said it myself to them anyway. I've said i'd be rubbish. I've said I don't do public speaking.

Other examples? I used to pretend to be sick in school when I had to do presentations, lol. On the rare occasion where I couldn't escape, I tried, but it always went awefully! Falling over my words, racing through the text to the point where nobody could understand me, dizzy feeling etc etc.

People sometimes get so caught up in their wedding plans that anyone who doesn't go along with them is seen as being against them.

You (or someone on your behalf) has to make them understand that you are happy that they are getting married and want them to have a wonderful day and you don't want to have a frontline role because you just can't do it and would spoil their day if you tried.

Emmamumof2

My husband was best man for his best mate even though he didn't want to do a speech. We didn't have speeches at our own wedding so he certainly didn't want to do one for someone else! He is very quiet, doesn't like being the centre of attention etc etc. He is close to this friend though, childhood friends.

When he was asked he, like you, made it clear he would not be able to do a speech, he wasn't a terribly organized person (so any stag night arrangements couldn't really fall to him) and he wasn't asked to contribute financially to anything other than paying for his own portion of the stag night arrangements, if you see what I mean.


If your sisters fiance was to appreciate these things and accept that you wouldn't do a speech, can't afford 4 days in Prague (what is it with splashing out on weekends abroad for stag do's in the last decade!!!) etc etc and that you would be his 'best man' in a supportive role as a the mate you've been to him would you want to do it for him?

Im sure if you have so many friends around the pair of you one of those could take on the organization of the stag and maybe even one of them would do a speech if they wanted one, but you could still be the 'best man' - it is just a title of course.
There may be a nice half way house.

My husband didn't even sit at the top table when he was best man, he sat on a table with us (wife and kids) and one of the bridesmaid's husband took his seat at top table, and even did a little speech for the couple in lieu of my husband abstaining from doing a best man speech.


Clearly the decision on whether to do it is yours and yours alone. But all I am trying to say by relaying our little experience is that if you feel you might like to do it but these are a few, significant things, holding you back Im sure that if he wants you to be his best man that much he would be accepting of your 'terms' (for want of a better expression).

split_second

my best man doesnt like speaking in public, so he doesnt have to.

i've organised my own stag party

the wedding needs to suit the couple and those around them

i did a speech when i was best man for my best mate but i dont expect him to do one for me (plus most of our scrapes were my fault lol)

minerva_windsong

This is possibly a stupid question, but has he said why he wants you as best man? If he's known you for this long he must know that you're not good at organising things or public speaking. Is it something he feels he 'has' to do because you're his oldest friend/his fianc!e's brother?


But I agree with you - you said no and explained why, and if you and your sister's fianc! are happy with the arrangement you have then it's not really anyone else's business.