Looking to get Therapy for Social Anxiety

richdeniro

Hi All,

Bit of a random thread and I wasn't sure whether this would be the right forum but I was looking for some advice as to what type of therapy I should look for.

I guess you could say I have mild social anxiety whereby I can function relatively well in terms of holding down a job, seeing friends, etc but always have a feeling of anxiety about me. I lack confidence, have low self-esteem and generally don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

I know that I come across as a timid and shy person. I get negative thoughts and dwell on things throughout the day and they do bring me down. I am absolutely useless with women in that they always see me as just a friend or 'sweet' - I know that this is down to lack of confidence.

The trigger for me seeking therapy is that I have just turned 34 and I guess seeing all my friends moving on with their lives whereas I seem to be stuck in exactly the same place I was 10 years ago.

I have done a bit of research but it just seems like such a minefield - I spoke to a Jungian Analyst earlier today but wasn't 100% such looking into dreams, etc would be for me. There seems to be so many different types of therapy too - CBT, etc.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone might have any advice? Thanks in advance.

aggypanthus

Start with your GP, perhaps ask him to refer for CBT, but you will prob see a psychologist first.

http://www.nopanic.org.uk/ this is a charity helpline set up about 20 yrs ago and recommended by NHS. I phoned them years ago when it was new and it seems to be a major resource now.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/ Dont know much about this one, I just randomly found it.

Sniggle_2

I agree with the above poster. There are lots of different things it could be as well as different types of therapies. My partner has Body Dismorphic Disorder so his anxiety is about himself and his appearance.

BigAunty

Obviously you need to find a style of therapy that suits you that you are sure will bring results and one where you have a positive trusting relationship with the counsellor. Looks like even if you don't know what will work, you are rapidly finding out what you don't like, so that's good.

Consider looking into things to complement counselling, like mindfulness, meditation and so on as they promote personal transformation by showing you techniques that help you anchor you in the present moment, rather than get swept away by thoughts, especially ones that leave you fretting about the future and full of regret about the past, that will challenge your automatic comparisons with others.

Suggested reading - The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Mindfulness in Plain English (forget the author but it's available as a free pdf online if you search for it).

Suggested cheap online meditation programme - Headspace (free initial sessions) and free guided meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn can be found on youtube posted by admirers.

Try some free/cheap apps relating to Hynotherapy for social anxiety and confidence for your phone.

If you build up a regular practice for meditation, consider going on a 10 day Vipassana retreat. They welcome novices but it's a very physically and mentally gruelling course and I think those that have never tried to meditate, think its an easy practice which results in instant bliss, so they will be especially shocked by joining a Vipassana course. They do screen out some candidates with mental illnesses, though, which I think is very fair considering the course can release hidden traumas and they don't want people to come on them with unrealistic expectations of an instant cure.

lostinrates

richdeniro wrote: »

Hi All,

Bit of a random thread and I wasn't sure whether this would be the right forum but I was looking for some advice as to what type of therapy I should look for.

I guess you could say I have mild social anxiety whereby I can function relatively well in terms of holding down a job, seeing friends, etc but always have a feeling of anxiety about me. I lack confidence, have low self-esteem and generally don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

I know that I come across as a timid and shy person. I get negative thoughts and dwell on things throughout the day and they do bring me down. I am absolutely useless with women in that they always see me as just a friend or 'sweet' - I know that this is down to lack of confidence.

The trigger for me seeking therapy is that I have just turned 34 and I guess seeing all my friends moving on with their lives whereas I seem to be stuck in exactly the same place I was 10 years ago.

I have done a bit of research but it just seems like such a minefield - I spoke to a Jungian Analyst earlier today but wasn't 100% such looking into dreams, etc would be for me. There seems to be so many different types of therapy too - CBT, etc.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone might have any advice? Thanks in advance.

I'd just like to say that you say quite a few things about how you appear. In writing you appear composed, sensible, intelligent and ready for progress. I'd also say as someone around your age I have noticed women DH and I know are now appreciating the lure of 'nice' 'sweet' men and DH is starting to have to fend women off. Nice men are great.

I applaud you for seeking to resolve other issues, but just wanted to say...not many come across very well on the board. Its good to balance your self critical opinion with the knowledge that some one at least thinks you 'read well'.

tillyenna

Talk to your GP, they might surprise you. I fought for months to go and see my GP about my anxiety (was anxious about going to see her about my anxiety... it's a freaking stupid illness sometimes LOL) - she gave me some really great advice, put me in touch with counsellors, and has put me on some medication for the next few months (only a temporary thing) - I've always been against taking medication for my mental health issues, but I've really found this one to be ace! I feel so much more relaxed about everything now.


So yeah - GP, start there, it's what they're there for! Make a list of all of your symptoms and issues before you go in, means you can refer to the list if you freeze up!

Ozzuk

First of all realise everyone has some level of anxiety, labelling it as 'my anxiety', giving it a face and blaming it just adds fuel to it. It is your ability to deal with your levels of anxiety that can be key. Sure you have it (we all do), accept it and try not to let it stop you doing stuff. If you are really struggling then the doctor can prescribe tablets which help. You can also take propranolol to help in anxious situations (they are amazing) which help reduce the physical symptoms. Many musicians take it before performances. Its prescription only and nothing like pseudo calming pills like Kalms.

I used medication for several months until I felt I was more in control and now just use propranolol for things like presentations. The more you deal with anxious situations positively the more 'your' anxiety will reduce.

So don't be so hard on yourself, recognise its normal, we all have it, some are better at hiding it/managing it than others and its fine to have help. People tell me I'm one of the most confident, outgoing people they know - life and soul of the party, love being in the spotlight. Internally I feel its completely the opposite - and that is something counselling can help with.

Good luck!

thx1138

As a fellow Social Anxiety sufferer I have every sympathy for you, although mine is severe and has turned me into a virtual recluse. I used to see a private therapist who was excellent (she diagnosed me) but she moved away so I went to my GP who prescribed me anti depressants which would help with depression and anxiety. They haven't solved the problems but help to a certain extent. She also offered me local counselling which I have yet to find the courage to attend so, I agree with others here, your GP would be a good place to start.

I wish you all the best and hope you are able to overcome your anxiety.

Izadora

I know therapy's a very individual thing and what works for some people is useless for others but, from a purely theoretical point of view, CBT was the only one which ever made sense to me when I was studying psychology.

Whatever you decide to go for, good luck and I hope it gets you to where you want to be.

SailorSam

lostinrates wrote: »

I'd just like to say that you say quite a few things about how you appear. In writing you appear composed, sensible, intelligent and ready for progress. but just wanted to say...not many come across very well on the board.

I suffer from SAD, i find it easy to 'speak' here on a forum, the difficulties start when i haven't got a computer to hide behind and i'm out in the real world.

picklekin

I have social anxiety disorder, I did CBT and found it very helpful. It was hard work, and involved challenging lots of behaviours and thought patterns I took for granted. My therapist got me to do some things I feared, like falling over in public etc, and see if anyone DID laugh (they didn't). I told my friends what I was doing and everyone was very helpful. I wouldn't say I'm "cured", but I'm better. The GP could also give you some medication, like beta blockers to help control any physical symptoms you get.