Emotional abuse - any advice?

sarahlou1979

Hi everyone,

Regular poster but posting under an alias to protect my family member. My cousin has been in a relationship with a horrible man for several years. They have three children together. For a long time, our family and even his family have told her to get rid of him because he is no good. He would often speak to her like dirt he'd trodden in, in front of the family. Her being her, she's stayed with him until now. She has finally been strong enough to leave. We always thought he was a bully but some of the stuff that's come to light since she left is awful and just after any advice from fellow MSE'ers. The abuse she has suffered has always been mental/emotional and he's never hit her. She left their house with the children and with the help of police/social services, she is currently out of the area in a safe place. The advice i am after is ref their house and what happens going forward with the children. The house is rented from council in her name (she lived there before they got together and thankfully he's never become a joint tenancy holder) - council seem to think however that won't be an issue. Is this correct? I assume as he's been living there, they have a duty to find him alternate accomodation before they can get him out of the property? They said they can go and change the locks to protect the stuff in her property (she left with very little of hers/the childrens things) but he will just kick the door down so for now, till the council call us back, we've just let him stay there to keep the peace. I am also concerned ref the children and visitation rights. I am sure he's already been filling the oldest sons head with things as he's been saying some funny things the last few days. whilst we are waiting for the council / social services to get the ball rolling on everything, can people give me some advice ref what can / should happen? my cousin said something about she will be able to claim housing benefit for a limited time on where she is now and her old place but she thinks that's only for four weeks - is that correct? she also doesn't want to go back to the flat at all. could the local council/should they be obliged to re-house her?

thanks in advance for any advice

DKLS

sarahlou1979 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Regular poster but posting under an alias to protect my family member.
My cousin has been in a relationship with a horrible man for several years. They have three children together. For a long time, our family and even his family have told her to get rid of him because he is no good. He would often speak to her like dirt he'd trodden in, in front of the family. Her being her, she's stayed with him until now.

She has finally been strong enough to leave. We always thought he was a bully but some of the stuff that's come to light since she left is awful and just after any advice from fellow MSE'ers. The abuse she has suffered has always been mental/emotional and he's never hit her. She left their house with the children and with the help of police/social services, she is currently out of the area in a safe place.

The advice i am after is ref their house and what happens going forward with the children. The house is rented from council in her name (she lived there before they got together and thankfully he's never become a joint tenancy holder) - council seem to think however that won't be an issue. Is this correct? I assume as he's been living there, they have a duty to find him alternate accomodation before they can get him out of the property? They said they can go and change the locks to protect the stuff in her property (she left with very little of hers/the childrens things) but he will just kick the door down so for now, till the council call us back, we've just let him stay there to keep the peace.

I am also concerned ref the children and visitation rights. I am sure he's already been filling the oldest sons head with things as he's been saying some funny things the last few days. whilst we are waiting for the council / social services to get the ball rolling on everything, can people give me some advice ref what can / should happen? my cousin said something about she will be able to claim housing benefit for a limited time on where she is now and her old place but she thinks that's only for four weeks - is that correct? she also doesn't want to go back to the flat at all. could the local council/should they be obliged to re-house her?

thanks in advance for any advice

No advice but re-formatted before the self imposed forum stasi descend.

RAS

Hi

She really need help from Women's Aid about housing etc.

If you pm Housing Benefit Officer he could help re that side but I recall he posted recently about some situations where they pay up to 52 weeks when the tenant intends to return and some when it is 13 weeks.

4 weeks is the run-on period when she can have HB on two properties whilst she moves from one to another.

Bear in mind that if he lives in the existing property, she is liable for the rent.

sarahlou1979

RAS wrote: »

Hi

She really need help from Women's Aid about housing etc.

If you pm Housing Benefit Officer he could help re that side but I recall he posted recently about some situations where they pay up to 52 weeks when the tenant intends to return and some when it is 13 weeks.

4 weeks is the run-on period when she can have HB on two properties whilst she moves from one to another.

Bear in mind that if he lives in the existing property, she is liable for the rent.

I think women's aid are already involved, with any joy they will give her all the advice she might need?

Ref the property, she doesn't want him there and has informed the council of this and they are ringing her today i think.