Debt Help - Urgent

Anarane

Hi all.

I didn't know where else I could go to ask this. I need help. I've been signed off work for almost 12 months with severe depression. I wanted to die. I still do. Even with my meds, I don't want to be on this Earth anymore.
As if that wasn't enough to cope with, I am approx. £10,000 in debt (which my husband isn't really aware of). I'm not receiving any salary from work, not even SSP (as that ran out in February). I'm supposed to be on ESA, but I've received a form from Atos that needs completing and I genuinely don't know how to do it. I was supposed to return the form by April 4th, but didn't even receive the damn form until April 7th. I feel under a huge amount of pressure, becase I don't have enough money to even make my minimum repayments to my credit cards, or to pay into my joint bills account. Hubby will notice soon, and God knows what will happen then.
On top of all that, I tried to begin a phased return to work last week and was basically accused (before I had even completed 2 days over a 2 week period) of 'fiddling' my clock in sheet. I saw the doc, and he's refusing to let me go back ay time soon as he says the environment is exacerbating my illness. If I can't get back to work, how am I supposed to pay my bills?

I dont know how to cope. I have nobody I can talk to about this, and I don't know where to go from here. The only thing stopping me from ending everything is that my husband will end up being lumped with my debt, and I can't do that to him. Is there anybody out there who can advise me? Please? I'm at rock bottom.

DCFC79

Telling your husband is first thing you should be doing, come clean as he will find out at some point so why not tell him. Speaking to 1 of the free debt charities is your next step.

Danni-R

Please speak to your doctor again.

Money is money. Its not worth killing yourself over, in fact, nothing is.

The good thing with being at rock bottom, the only way is up :-)

Tixy

Hi

I am sorry you are feeling so down about things at the moment.

Regarding the ESA form, would your OH be able to help you with completing this? or perhaps a charity like MIND may be able to offer you advice on it?

Your husband is presumably aware you have no income at all currently? even if he doesn't know about the debts at the moment he surely must realise you don't have any money to pay anything in to a joint account at the moment.

I would really advise sitting down with him and talking this through and seeing if he can manage the essential household bills on his own in the short term. Perhaps you could help by spending some time looking through all the joint outgoings to see if you can find savings (not a the moment but when you are feeling a bit more on top of things -perhaps doc can look at your current medication again).

I would also recommend telling your husband about your own debts as well. You might want to speak to a debt advice charity first and get some information about your options first before you talk to your husband. It may be easier to tell him how you have been advised to tackle the debt at the same time as telling him about it.

What is your overall situation? are you homeowners or renting? do you have any joint debts? you've mentioned a joint bank account, is that the only joint account you have (these answers will affect what options a debt advice charity can suggest to you).

I'd try giving one of these a call - IMPORTANT - Where to seek professional impartial advice about your debts.

Anarane

Thanks for your replies everyone.

Danni-R wrote: »

Please speak to your doctor again.

Money is money. Its not worth killing yourself over, in fact, nothing is.

The good thing with being at rock bottom, the only way is up :-)

I'm seeing the doctor on a weekly basis because I'm at risk of suicide. He says I'm on the highest meds I can be on before they need to consider putting me on a hospital ward, which terrifies me - I'd rather die than go to hospital.

National_Debtline

Hello there,

Please do considering getting in touch with one of the debt help charities, there is a lot of help and assistance available. Calls are always free and completely confidential.

Given what you've said in your pots, you *may* qualify for a Debt Relief Order. This could allow you to become debt-free within twelve months. This is only likely to be an option if you live in rented accommodation; you can find out more HERE

If you are in mortgaged accommodation there could be alternative options. I can certaily appreciate that being in debt can cause a huge amount of concern and stress, I really want to point out that there are likely to be options open to you. We often speak to callers who have partners that are unaware of the situation, it's really quite common. There is a distinct possibility that your partner could find out about your debts, of course we cannot advise you on whether or not you should tell him - although it's usually the case that telling someone is better than allowing them to find out for themselves at some point.

As Tixy mentioned, charities such as MIND and Rethink are both incredibly helpful - and can support you if you need a hand in completing forms and suchlike.

http://www.rethink.org
http://www.mind.org.uk

If you have any further questions please feel free to ask as many as you need.

Very best wishes,

David @ NDL.

Anarane

Tixy wrote: »

Regarding the ESA form, would your OH be able to help you with completing this? or perhaps a charity like MIND may be able to offer you advice on it?

I don't think he could help - he has a lot on his plate with his own work at the moment. But I didn't realise MIND was an option - I didn't know they knew anything about Atos forms.

Tixy wrote: »

Your husband is presumably aware you have no income at all currently? even if he doesn't know about the debts at the moment he surely must realise you don't have any money to pay anything in to a joint account at the moment,

I have tried to broach this one with him already, but he has so many things to deal with that I think he genuinely just didn't take the conversation in. And bringing it up with him once was hard enough - I felt genuinely like I would rather just end it all than have to talk to him about it.

Tixy wrote: »

Perhaps you could help by spending some time looking through all the joint outgoings to see if you can find savings (not a the moment but when you are feeling a bit more on top of things -perhaps doc can look at your current medication again).

I've already done this - I have two dogs and two cats who I feed for free by asking the butchers for any meat and carcasses that they were going to throw out. We buy all our food at Lidl, the absolute cheapest available things. We don't go out, we don't drink, we don't go away. I don't think there are genuinely any more ways to save money short of just not eating (I'm only half joking there!)

Tixy wrote: »

I would also recommend telling your husband about your own debts as well. You might want to speak to a debt advice charity first and get some information about your options first before you talk to your husband. It may be easier to tell him how you have been advised to tackle the debt at the same time as telling him about it.

Actually, if I had some solutions rather than just issues, that would make the conversation easier.

Tixy wrote: »

What is your overall situation? are you homeowners or renting? do you have any joint debts? you've mentioned a joint bank account, is that the only joint account you have (these answers will affect what options a debt advice charity can suggest to you).

The house is in his name - he is solely responsible for the mortgage payments. We have a joint loan (we bought a car together). We have a number of joint accounts - one for our bills, one for our car, one for our grocery shopping. We have a couple of joint savings accounts too, but there's not much in them - we use different accounts to 'label' our money, so we know what it's for. Or at least, we did when I was working.

Anarane

National_Debtline wrote: »

Given what you've said in your pots, you *may* qualify for a Debt Relief Order. This could allow you to become debt-free within twelve months. This is only likely to be an option if you live in rented accommodation; you can find out more HERE

If you are in mortgaged accommodation there could be alternative options.

My hubby owns the house - it's mortgaged.

National_Debtline wrote: »

As Tixy mentioned, charities such as MIND and Rethink are both incredibly helpful - and can support you if you need a hand in completing forms and suchlike.

http://www.rethink.org
http://www.mind.org.uk

I'll certainly email them - I'm not very good on the phone, I'm much better at communication if I can get my head straight before I have to reply.

Thanks for your reply.

DanFish

You've taken the fisrt step by coming here where there are some extremely supportive and helpful people, i'm in around 6k of debt at the moment and have got in touch with Step Change and they have been extremely helpful and non judgemental.

You need to open up to your Husband and talk things through, although it may be difficult it is not productive to to keep piling on this pressure on yourself and opening up will lift a weight off your shoulders.

If you were similar to me then i reckon just the few resoponses so far from here have made you feel a little better to start with.

You are not alone and there are may people in the same situation and a lot worse. The support is here and it's with the Debt Advice Charities who not only help but they empathise with your situation and you've got someone you can trust helping you fight your corner.

Don't dwell on the debts thay can sorted out, concentrate on moving forward and getting debt free.

It may also be useful to do a diary on the forum not only to let people know how you are getting on but it may be quite theraputic, you're able to open up anonymously and you will get a lot of money saving tips and debt help tips from lots of different people in similar situations, this site is by far the most supportive and informative forum i have ever been on and i would be ignoring my debts still if i didnt sign up.

Chin up! Use the help and advice you receive and you will feel better in no time

Good luck

National_Debtline

Anarane wrote: »

My hubby owns the house - it's mortgaged.

So long as you are not on the title deeds you would be able to potentially explore the option of a Debt Relief Order:

https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/factsheets/Pages/37%20EW%20Debt%20relief%20orders%20%28DROs%29/Default.aspx

Best wishes,

David.

Anarane

DanFish wrote: »

If you were similar to me then i reckon just the few resoponses so far from here have made you feel a little better to start with.

It has helped - I feel less alone now...