Separation Anxiety as an adult...

liz105

Hi all

I want to ask, does/has anyone ever experienced separation anxiety as an adult, perhaps from your partner, close family or even your home and pets?

I dont mean just 'missing' someone/thing, I mean to the point that you cant eat or sleep or function normally. You try to find ways around the separation issue.

I thought I was over this (on the very very rare occasion my OH has gone away for work). But he was away monday night (said goodbye 5.30am monday and said hello middnight last night). Sunday night I didnt sleep a wink, hot sweats all physical symptoms, monday morning I coped but was quiet and because I cant eat when he's away I feel faint and therefore worse. I only felt better when I was talking to my mum in the evening at her house (my 'safe' place, where I dont have to put on a front of being 'ok').

He is going to be away mon-tues thurs-fri for the next three weeks. Back on wednesdays.

Early on in the relationship OH had to travel to a different country for his job (we both work for a bank, it was outsourcing) for all of april then all of august, it was catagorically the worst 2 months of my life. But I was 20 then. That was 3 years ago.

I have actually arranged to join my OH (its simply a case of working in a different office, the main one instead of our satelite one) for the days he is away from home.

I have never lived alone so a night in on my own seems very long and daunting, I dont 'enjoy' time to myself. We do have a very close relationship, evenings and weekends spent solely together. Its how we like it.

I know this is pathetic, but I really feel like its something I've just got to live with. Its that or counselling.

(Reading through this myself I must come across as a wimpy push over with no confidence or personality . But Im the total opposite. Talk to anyone, head held high, strutting around at work all confident.)

Any thoughts?

Errata

It's clearly giving you a big problem. My SIL didn't like being on her own when her OH had a night away, so she had sleeovers at her mums. Would this be a solution for you?

liz105

Errata wrote: »

It's clearly giving you a big problem. My SIL didn't like being on her own when her OH had a night away, so she had sleeovers at her mums. Would this be a solution for you?

mum has offered, but I dont want to go back there, its a psycological sp? thing, y'know, I've got this far (I moved out 3 years ago, and OH would be disappointed too I think) (plus Im allergic to her cats now! & I do like my flat a lot more than her house too!) I slept ok on my own, but then again I was exhausted!

I really hope its something I can grow out of....its just taking that gamble, staying here when he goes away for a night.......I might be ok, but then again I might be a state, I can mask it at work, but its when my routine gets broken (ie cooking on my own etc) that I go a bit wobbly

daisy_doughnut_2

hi there

you have a form of anxiety that a lot of people have i my self being one of them

try posting in the depression board in the sub board of this one in the health and beauty

you will find many similar people there

otherwise go and have a chat with your doc

good luck

daisy xxx

daphne_descends

Liz I think I know how you feel. I am overall a confident independent person but can't bear the thought of being separated from my partner.

He works in London and it doesn't take much for me to worry... as ashamed as I am to admit. There have been occasions where his phone battery has died and I'm here, 40 miles away frantic and checking news websites to see if 'something' has happened near to him. I hate it. I always think something will happen.

I can't think of any situation where I'd feel okay about spending the night apart - silly really. We're very close like you say you and your partner are - we don't have a big circle of friends and are content with each other for company. We're far from reclusive, we are always talking and laughing, it's not a case of 'stuck in a rut' - I'm sure you'll know what I mean from what you've said

I also worry hugely about our two cats, when they don't come in at their usual time or follow their usual routine, I always think the worst.

Sorry I can't offer any advice but I can relate to how you feel. I would just focus on getting past those three weeks - probably not good advice if you want to work on overcoming this

TheWaltons_3

You aren't alone with this one - I used to stay with MIL when hubby was on continental shifts as I wouldn't sleep a wink without him and would be in a right state - would drink myself to sleep!

It's very common. I am just over it now, I don't mind when he does a rare night shift - I just sleep but I am uneasy with him not being here.

In time you can get out of this. But you can take comfort knowing you aren't alone with this.

liz105

thank you thank you thank you

Its very comforting to know Im not alone, my thinking is why should we be apart especially for the benefit of our employer who has just made the two of us redundant (and HE is helping THEM fix their screw ups!!!!)

TheWaltons_3

liz105 wrote: »

thank you thank you thank you

Its very comforting to know Im not alone, my thinking is why should we be apart especially for the benefit of our employer who has just made the two of us redundant (and HE is helping THEM fix their screw ups!!!!)

Well that's not fair.

BUT use this as a positive thing... look forward to spending the time apart and getting stronger and less reliant on him being around... and look forward to the time you will get to spend together, and how much you will be glad to see him when he gets back!

You will overcome this. You will find your own methods to control this anxiety, whether it be now or in 6 months, but control it you WILL xxxx

belfastgirl23

Okay I'm taking the other view a bit. But believe me I know how you feel

My DH works away sometimes. It isn't predictable and isn't always arranged in advance but I'd say somewhere about 1-2 nights a month, more when he's working on certain things. When he started this arrangement I was DETERMINED not to be the kind of person who had to go and stay with friends etc. So what I do is have a plan for when he's away. Normally we would spend every evening etc together so I try to figure out something I wouldn't get to do if he was there - get engrossed in a book, watch a DVD he wouldn't like, eat something I like but he doesn't for dinner. If I am feeling stressed I usually pick a biggish household job that needs done periodically and get to work on it (cleaning windows, cleaning out cupboards). I find that it keeps me distracted pretty well and tires me out physically too which helps me sleep. I also get a sense of wellbeing cos these are jobs I put off a lot!

It's also important to be comfortable in your home - we have a burglar alarm which helps as well.

I think you just have to force yourself to do it personally. It does get easier...by now I quite enjoy when he's away one night. It only starts to grate if it's towards a week or particularly if it's over a weekend.

Good luck. You might find if you keep yourself distracted it isn't such a big deal.

aurora_borealis_2

It will wear off

I used to be a bit like you. Now 24 years later I welcome the break

TheWaltons_3

aurora_borealis wrote: »

It will wear off

I used to be a bit like you. Now 24 years later I welcome the break

I'll bet.............. :rotfl:

In fact, the more I think about it.. the more I realise that this separation anxiety is diminishing with each year we've been married.