Need divorce advice

ninky_2

After being unhappy in my marriage for a very long time, I have finally called time on the relationship.

Husband has moved out to rented accommodation, which he can afford with the money he is no longer paying me for household expenses, since the rent (£500 a month) is the same he used to pay me. All assets are in my name, and I have also paid the lion's share over the years, but he has contributed in terms of DIY etc and I want him to be financially okay, so have offered him a 50/50 share of the profit on the flat since we bought it, which I can afford by drawing down equity since I have a flexible mortgage. He has accepted this. I really don't want to get into expensive solicitor fees, so was thinking about going to one of these online divorce facilities. But I'm not sure what it will involve, and how much it will still end up costing. They make it sound cheap and quick on the website blurb - but is that just a sales pitch?

We don't have children so nothing to sort out in that regard.

Any advice or experience gratefully received. I would like it to go through as quickly and painlessly as possible. Am I right in thinking that a 'grounds' has to be filed. He has been verbally abusive and physically threatening but I don't see why that should be anyone else's business. Also, I'm worried that if I have to 'blame' him for the divorce, it will throw a spanner in the works.

alwaysonthego_2

You can do the divorce yourself by downloading the court forms and you have to only pay a court fee. I think if you want to divorce you have to be separated for two years though otherwise if it is unreasonable behaviour than you can get a quick divorce. It might be worth speaking to a solicitor, you can often get 30 minutes free.

Reference the finances if you are in agreement then you could get a solicitor to draw up a clean break order. Talking from personal experience best to try and avoid solicitors as they are the winners usually. My ex was a idiot in polite terms and took me three years to get him to agree to selling the house with me bearing the brunt of legal costs.

CP26

The divorce and the financial element are technically two separate things...they just often get dealt with at the same / similar times.

You can do the divorce paperwork yourself. This will just cost you the court fees. You can download the papers from the .gov site.

To divorce now you will need to select either adultery or unreasonable behaviour. Otherwise you'll have to be separated for 2 years and divorce with his consent, or five years to divorce without his consent.

You can write the statement for unreasonable behaviour together and select reasons that aren't as bad, or that are mutually acceptable.

Mine included things like him not doing the housework, prioritising his hobbies over spending time with me and even dictating holidays. My ex saw my statement before I submitted it so he was ok with what was in it.

Also, the divorce paperwork won't effect any financial settlement so a court wouldn't look at the reasons the marriage broke down and decide who should get what based on that.

For the finance side you can do a consent order. As the name suggests this is an order that is done be through reaching an agreement with each other on how the marital pot is shared. You'll also want to include a clean break clause in there to make sure neither of you can make any future claims against each other.

You will need to get a solicitor to draft an order for you but, again, if you are both in agreement the costs can be kept low. A consent order is like a shopping list so you can put in almost whatever you want.

You can even cut costs by just getting the solicitor to draft the order based on your terms and you filling in the accompanying forms yourself, however if it was a marriage of several years and there are a few assets involved I would be safer rather than sorry and pay for the legal advice to make sure everything is done properly.

I did the divorce myself without any fuss. The wikivorce free helpline was very handy but I wouldn't have paid for their services as the forms are relatively straight forward. The .gov site also has useful information on both the divorce process and getting a consent order sorted out.

You can't do the financial settlement until you've had your decree Nisi granted at least though, at least not officially through the courts.

CP26

Also the time it takes will depend on your local court. I submitted my paperwork in August and had the decree absolute through in January. At each stage we were fairly efficient so the timeframe was mainly due to the backlog at our court.

alwaysonthego_2

Be careful that you tick the correct boxes on the divorce form though as I accidentally missed one out, even though it didn't make a difference to the settlement, it could have done.

ninky_2

So in terms of finding a solicitor, is there a way of getting a reasonable one? Will they offer advice that is for both of us? What I don't want is to get into a 'my side' / 'your side' situation. I would like us to be able to be in charge of the process jointly. I don't want to become his enemy, or him mine.

Mojisola

ninky wrote: »

Husband has moved out to rented accommodation, which he can afford with the money he is no longer paying me for household expenses, since the rent (£500 a month) is the same he used to pay me. All assets are in my name, and I have also paid the lion's share over the years, but he has contributed in terms of DIY etc and I want him to be financially okay, so have offered him a 50/50 share of the profit on the flat since we bought it, which I can afford by drawing down equity since I have a flexible mortgage. He has accepted this.

Once he starts talking to friends about the divorce, he may change his mind. He would be entitled to 50% of all marital assets.