good evening lovely dfw's..:-)

blue_pixie

Hello everyone. So tonight I'm wondering how everyone stops obsessing. You are on the path to being debt free, monthly payments in place creditors at bay etc, how do you stop thinking about the debt all day every day, I feel like it consumes my every waking thought. I need to figure out how to put things in perspective and relax until its done and I can enjoy life again. I feel upset and on edge all the time, despite trying very hard to be positive... anyone else in the same boat? I'm guessing so!

Imbroglio

I know exactly how you feel! It's amazing though because I successfully brushed it under the carpet for a couple of years. Now I've faced up to it I don't have that niggling feeling in the back of my mind which is nice but I spend a lot more time thinking about it.

I see the thinking about it as a positive thing because it means that the problem is being dealt with head on. With big things that are playing on my mind (generally, not just with debt) I set myself a MIT: Most Important Task. I write it down, along with other bonus tasks, every day or week or whatever I feel is appropriate. And once the MIT is ticked off I draw a mental line under it and make sure I do something different for a break.

blue_pixie

Yes imbroglio I too managed to completely avoid it for a long time, and I mean not think about it at all... but there were always other things going on. Now life had settled down I feel more on edge and panicked about the debt than I did about other more stressful things, if that makes sense.. :-) anyway thanks for your response I will certainly give your MIT idea a go.. and best of luck with the journey. :-)

Newyorkdreams

Hi Blue Pixie - firstly, well done for your LBM and embarking on your debt busting journey!

You haven't been debt busting that long so my view is that it will settle down after a bit more time. Of course, each of us are different but it's like anything brand new, it takes a bit of time to figure it out, get used to it, learn the ropes and for it to become comfortable. Think of a new job, it takes at least a few weeks if not months for those initial nerves to settle a little and even longer (at least a year or more) for it to become second nature. Your mind is on high alert all the time, learning new skills, meeting new people, absorbing new information. I think debt busting is the same. There are 4 stages of learning a new skill - unconsciously incompetent (not being aware of the fact we can't do something or in the case of debt are in deep), consciously incompetent (being aware of the fact that we can't do something or that we are in debt), consciously competent (understanding that we can do the new skill and actively learning and have reached a stage of competence or in the case of debt, dealing with it positively) and unconsciously competent (becoming naturally skilled and not having to think about it, living a debt free life but naturally budgeting, choosing the right products for the right reasons, watching the pennies, being financially sensible without having to think about it).
Before too long, you'll move to being consciously competent and things will relax for you!

I've been debt busting since Jan 13 after spending way beyond my means for at least 10 years. It took a long time for it to become more comfortable.

Keep smiling and be assured that you are dealing with it head on and that things will get better.

NYD x

blue_pixie

Hello New York dreams and thank you for a thoughtful response... I cannot wait to be consciously competent and soon ;-) wish I had discovered this forum 10 years ago.. well done on on your achievements so far NYD.. and good luck for the rest of your journey. :-)

Newyorkdreams

blue_pixie wrote: »

Hello New York dreams and thank you for a thoughtful response... I cannot wait to be consciously competent and soon ;-) wish I had discovered this forum 10 years ago.. well done on on your achievements so far NYD.. and good luck for the rest of your journey. :-)

Hiya Blue Pixie - you are very welcome. I'm sure you will be CC soon I agree, I wish I had seen this forum a long time before I did. I might have nipped the debt in the bud before it got to close to £60K!!! :eek: Never mind, we can only go forward from here and not back.

Take care and good luck!

NYD x

Bublin1

I think about it all the time too. I'm obsessed but in a good way!

I see the positives whilst on the path to debt busting. Never before have I had a proper budget and know exactly what I have coming in and out. I'm now never in the red, always in the black and have spare to throw at debt.

As well as online 'envelopes' I also have cash envelopes at home. I get a buzz out of going to the bank once a month and asking the teller for £300 in specific denominations and then going home and stuffing my envelopes. I have about 10 categories and I'm always counting my cash!

Because of my budget I'm actually achieving more and strangely enough, treating my kids more.....because I now have a budget for treats! I've just re-decorated the kids room, ordered new wardrobes, will be buying my dd a bike for her birthday and am organising her bday party all paid for in cash that was saved up in my envelopes.

I'm cooking alot more and get a thrill out of actually using my slow cooker and having a stock of 'ready meals' in the freezer which I also use for lunch at work.

I'm not down about it, I'm buzzing. It'sall about how you want to look at it.

blue_pixie

Thank you bublin1 you sound like you have this debt busting thing sussed.. well done, I hope to be able to say the same very soon. :-)

FireWyrm

As Bublin says, the trick is to turn your desperation and depression into something positive. I dont have any spare money, by all accounts, I am broke and it is only the 5th of the month, but that isnt really true since I do have budgeted money available for the purpose it was intended. I cant go and buy a new mobile, but I have today, bought a little over £100 worth of food and the fridge is full. I reconciled YNAB against the bank on Friday and it tallied to the penny. I have accounted for most eventualities and I trust my budget. Yes, I analyse the spending patterns, but the bottom line is I already know how much I spent because I now have structure and control with a realistic budget. Like Bublin, I can safely treat the kids because I have money in hand for that. I have envelopes with cash in them (electronically speaking - mine arnt physical as such). We have food in the house, fuel in the cars, the house is warm, everyone entertained and for the first time in a very long time, I know exactly, to the penny, what the balance is on my accounts. There is no longer anything to worry about. It is all taken care of.

Trust your budget. If you budget is sound, there is nothing to fear or worry about. If your belly is full, your mind occupied with something interesting and your basic bills paid - what more do you want or need? Ask yourself whether your unease has more to do with the fact that you are told on a daily basis by media that you need to be able to buy this and that whether you really did need it or not? Are you uneasy because you dont have a sound budget, or because you have simply stepped off the consumer ship after a rough day at sea and you havnt yet got your land legs back?

The_Boss

I'd say don't look at your bank account/credit card accounts etc more than once a week.

Bublin1

FireWyrm has touched on important point - the media and society tell us that spending our money on stuff we don't need = happiness. You know I have gone from spending £100 every weekend on tat to spending next to nothing or if I do spend it is 'planned spending'.

You really do need to change your way of thinking. It's a second Light Bulb Moment - an appreciation for NOT spending and when you do the buzz you get is from the discount code you found/the fact you paid cash/you found the best price/it's something you actually need.

Also focus on somethig else. I'm now cleaning and organsing mad. I've just started my new project - a Home Management File....it's very American!!!