Adopting a relative

Worried_Sister

Hello

Apologies for my new user name, this is such a delicate matter, I really think its best to protect identities

I am looking for some advice on adopting/ taking care of my niece

A little background info - My niece was born in February of this year. She was not allowed to go home due to various concerns. I have spoken to her social worker today and she has finally admitted the plan for my niece is to be adopted.

My niece is currently with the her mothers step sister. This person has only came into the mothers life in adult life so she does not consider her to be a family member. Social services placed the baby with her telling my brother and his girlfriend I lived too far away to be considered. They live in Scotland, I live in the south of England.

Social work are now beginning their assessment on myself and my husband to be considered to care for our niece.

Unfortunately every time I speak to the social worker she reiterates how settled my niece is where she is etc. We have a child of our own so I understand that babies generally are happy as long as their needs are being met. I feel as if she is trying to fob me off by consistently telling me she is settled where she is.

The person my niece is with has several children of her own and is extremely overcrowded in a council house. She has no job. Her lifestyle to me seems unstable as her kids all have different dads and the man she is currently with is not a father to any of them.

I am married and we have a lovely home which has a spare bedroom, Both myself and my husband work ( I work from home in evenings), She is my biological niece. I feel that we are the obvious better choice.

I'm really looking for advice on what generally happens when there is more than one person looking to take the baby on. Will the court look at both of our circumstances and what we can provide the child with realistically or will they favour the non family member purely because according to social work she is already settled?

I said to the social worker today that i don't think just because the baby is settled that is cause for her not to come and live with us but the phone went quiet, then i was cut off and she hasn't called back.

Apologies if this doesn't make sense. My head is such a jumble of thoughts, I'm finding it really difficult to explain clearly.

My priority is for my niece and what's best for her, I am just worried that this will not happen

Any advice gratefully received

Kayalana99

For saying a baby is 2 months old you can hardly say they are 'settled'...babies don't care where they are as long as they are loved and fed...have you spoken to your brother about what they want? Perhaps they want the baby to stay with the step sibling so they can still see the baby? (Assuming they are allowed)

FYI: I don't think it's fair to judge the step sister based on her life style - I know someone who was in the same position as you describe and on the outside it looked bad but when you heard what happened you could understand, she was a lovely person and would of been more then capable of caring for an extra child should she of had to.

Worried_Sister

The social worker has advised me the plan is for adoption with no contact. The person who has the baby now lives about 2 minutes walk from where the parents live. I cannot see how this would work either.

I understand it is unfair to judge, it's just hard not to given the circumstances

my brother and his girlfriends wishes is for me to have the baby if they are not able to have it back.

jammy26

until a placement order is granted by the court the parents must be able to have regular contact with the baby (anything from daily to weekly) this is probably why they said you live too far away. However once the court orders the adoption the distance will become irrelevant and a placement that can best meet babies needs will be sought (often a greater distance is considered an advantage).

Kayalana99

If that is what the parents want and your happy for that to happen then I hope that's how it ends up, hopefully someone will come along and explain the legal side and how it works when they choose who the baby will go to :-)

LEJC

Do you think that part of the problem is that the social workers are unwilling for the adoption to go ahead to a direct family member...


I have no experience of adoption but I wonder whether there is a reluctance for you to be considered because of the direct family link...so however unsuitable you may feel the other family is...unfortunatley you are also seen as unsuitable in the eyes of social services

Worried_Sister

I completely agree it is best the baby is kept locally at the moment as they are having regular contact its long term if the baby is not going back (which sounds likely) I think the baby would then be best to come and live with us. I am struggling to find any information on more than one person wanting the child, it seems to be they are lucky to find one person nevermind two

listerinspector

Your suitability should be assessed and considered.

If an adoption order is granted then the matching process will begin where you'll have all sorts of background checks (DBS, employment, medical etc). You will also go to panel for this but I'm not sure if it HAS to be in scotland where the baby currently lives.

If courts deem baby's birth parents a potential risk then distance of adoptive parents will be taken into consideration as would your address (as you being a aunt, the parents will know where you live).

It is up to panel to decide what is in the child's best interest when it comes to multiple people coming forward to adopt.

Worried_Sister

LEJC wrote: »

Do you think that part of the problem is that the social workers are unwilling for the adoption to go ahead to a direct family member...


I have no experience of adoption but I wonder whether there is a reluctance for you to be considered because of the direct family link...so however unsuitable you may feel the other family is...unfortunatley you are also seen as unsuitable in the eyes of social services

Hmm.. I don't understand why this would be the case, if it was then I am the better option as I live extremely far away and before now have had little contact with my brother for quite a few years. Everything I have read seems to indicate they would prefer a child to be placed with a family member if it is at all possible. The whole thing is so complicated. My heart breaks for my niece going through this, I just want to be able to have her so we can give her a secure and stable childhood

Worried_Sister

Kayalana99 wrote: »

If that is what the parents want and your happy for that to happen then I hope that's how it ends up, hopefully someone will come along and explain the legal side and how it works when they choose who the baby will go to :-)

Thank you, I really hope so too

listerinspector

Worried_Sister wrote: »

I completely agree it is best the baby is kept locally at the moment as they are having regular contact its long term if the baby is not going back (which sounds likely) I think the baby would then be best to come and live with us. I am struggling to find any information on more than one person wanting the child, it seems to be they are lucky to find one person nevermind two

The social worker should explain to you and answer your questions. It's a bit unprofessional to keep you hanging.

Also, are you and your husband both wanting this and is he able to take on the baby as his own?