Qs about wording on will and probate

TomsMom

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

They would say that, wouldn't they? But just because they wrote it doesn't mean they got it right ...

TomsMom, I'm sorry for your loss. Has the funeral taken place yet? Can you go and stay near your brother for a week or so and try to reach some understanding?

I did probate for my dad with one of my siblings a few years ago. Neither of us lived in the same place as our parents, or each other. It was not a problem:we divvied up the work, and I went into branches of Dad's banks near where I live with a death certificate and a letter stating who the executors were, they took a copy and sorted out the accounts.

You have to get some of the information 'on the spot' from Mum's house, but the rest of it can be done remotely.

Thank you SS. Funeral has not taken place yet, still waiting to hear the details, I'll get them when it's convenient for my brother to contact me! I wont be ringing him because all I'll get is "I told you I'd let you know". In his (rather snipey) words he's had a very stressful month and despite the fact that my mother was in hospital I didn't know until I rang him wondering why I hadn't been able to get an answer when I'd been telephoning her at my regular times, and then I was told she was "very poorly" but he didn't indicate that her death was imminent, apparently I was supposed to know that very poorly meant that although she has rallied round in the past. My belief is he is resentful of the fact that her care has fallen on his shoulders as he lives in the area and I live a four hour drive away (and I no longer drive). Unfortunately, due to his priorities, his grown up family and his friends come first and his mother was way down the list! I lost a lot of respect for him after he told me that.

My circumstances would make staying in his area for a few days difficult so I wont be trying to arrange that. I shall be offering to do anything I'm capable of, as an ex-secretary then communication is no problem for me and as I've done probate before that wont be difficult either. I think the problem will be him allowing me to do anything. He is very forceful in his manner, advice is not welcome nor acted upon, and he is quick to take any question as criticism.

I tend to walk away from confrontation so unless there's anything I really object to then he can get on with it. Once this has all been settled and probate granted then because I appeared nowhere on his list of priorities I'm happy to leave him to his family and friends.

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to reply.

Mojisola

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

They would say that, wouldn't they? But just because they wrote it doesn't mean they got it right ...

What I meant is that if they try to say the OP is committed to use them, she can get advice from elsewhere and argue the case.

If they think they are entitled, they may not release the will and she will need to get another solicitor involved.

If they say it's her choice then she can carry on and do the work.

She needs to know the stance the solicitor is going to take.

troubleinparadise

Dear Tomsmom,

In many ways it probably is easier for your brother to handle many of the paperwork aspects of probate as he will have access to the figures needed for the forms.

Sorry though that his attitude is unpleasant at this time; as you say, resentments and stress seem to be running high right now, and you are bearing the brunt of his issues although undeserved.

However, as co-executor you should be kept up to date with what is going on, and indeed will need to be consulted re certain aspects of probate. Plus you should be given copies of paperwork as you are as legally liable as he is with regard to debts and payments etc.

I realise you know all this already having done it yourself in difficult circumstances - I'm sorry he is, quite simply, being spiteful to you. I do hope he can get a grip of his emotions and administer the estate fairly if he insists on controlling it; it may be that the solicitors might become your allies if things become difficult.

Best wishes

Flugelhorn

Tomsmom - i to am sorry that you are struggling with your brother, it is always hard to explain about how ill someone is - some people seem according to their nearest and dearest, to be "very very ill" on fairly frequent occasions only to bounce back as they weren't that crook after all.
Some also find it hard to call other members of the family when the end is near, either they find it hard to say or they simply want to handle it without others' emotions.
I suspect the stress free line with this is to let your brother handle it - trying to share requires a huge amount of camaraderie between you - not all siblings have that.
I recently dealt with an estate with a cousin and the most important thing was to respect and back up each others suggestions - after all we just wanted reassurance that we were doing the right thing.

TomsMom

troubleinparadise wrote: »

Dear Tomsmom,

In many ways it probably is easier for your brother to handle many of the paperwork aspects of probate as he will have access to the figures needed for the forms.

Sorry though that his attitude is unpleasant at this time; as you say, resentments and stress seem to be running high right now, and you are bearing the brunt of his issues although undeserved.

However, as co-executor you should be kept up to date with what is going on, and indeed will need to be consulted re certain aspects of probate. Plus you should be given copies of paperwork as you are as legally liable as he is with regard to debts and payments etc.

I realise you know all this already having done it yourself in difficult circumstances - I'm sorry he is, quite simply, being spiteful to you. I do hope he can get a grip of his emotions and administer the estate fairly if he insists on controlling it; it may be that the solicitors might become your allies if things become difficult.

Best wishes

Thank you for your kind words TIP, they are much appreciated. I'm not sure yet if he will want to deal with probate but my offer of assistance is there if he does. I'm personally thinking it might be better if the solicitor did deal with it but, of course, the cost would need to be ascertained and discussed between us. It's less than a week since our mother died but I have yet to find out what the official cause of death is and whether he has spoken to a funeral director and taken into account my wishes that he arranges a time which allows for me and my family to travel the distance involved. I have to admit I'm at the "let him get on with it" stage!

TomsMom

Flugelhorn wrote: »

Tomsmom - i to am sorry that you are struggling with your brother, it is always hard to explain about how ill someone is - some people seem according to their nearest and dearest, to be "very very ill" on fairly frequent occasions only to bounce back as they weren't that crook after all.
Some also find it hard to call other members of the family when the end is near, either they find it hard to say or they simply want to handle it without others' emotions.
I suspect the stress free line with this is to let your brother handle it - trying to share requires a huge amount of camaraderie between you - not all siblings have that.
I recently dealt with an estate with a cousin and the most important thing was to respect and back up each others suggestions - after all we just wanted reassurance that we were doing the right thing.

Thank you Flugelhorn. Yes, I agree with what you say. We don't have any real closeness, as I said in a previous post even our mother was way down his list of priorities so I doubt I'm even on it! Good job we can choose our friends eh!

securityguy

Mojisola wrote: »

If they think they are entitled, they may not release the will and she will need to get another solicitor involved. .

If a will is known to exist, but a solicitor refuses to release it, can you proceed as though the estate is intestate?

Crabapple

securityguy wrote: »

If a will is known to exist, but a solicitor refuses to release it, can you proceed as though the estate is intestate?

They have to release it to the named executors (although they will want ID to show that they are the correct people).

If for some bizarre reason a firm refused to do so I'm sure a call to the SRA would get it released sharpish!

madbadrob

securityguy wrote: »

If a will is known to exist, but a solicitor refuses to release it, can you proceed as though the estate is intestate?

No because a will exists and that takes precedence to intestacy.

Rob

Mojisola

Crabapple wrote: »

They have to release it to the named executors (although they will want ID to show that they are the correct people).

If for some bizarre reason a firm refused to do so I'm sure a call to the SRA would get it released sharpish!

If the company thinks that the clause means the executor has to employ them to do the work, then they would need to keep the will to do the work.