Any advice appreciated

leanne86

Hello.

Sharing on here as my friends as husbands friends too and just wanted an outside viewpoint.

Husbands not great with money. I organise all the bills etc so he's just left with pocket money if u like to spend. We've been together 10 yrs n married a couple with a child. A few years ago he admitted going overdrawn by a few hundred pounds, buying crisps/snacks/beer etc daily n it all added up. His mum paid it off n we agreed to b honest with each other 're spending or other issues.

We r looking at buying another house so ours is now on the market. Knowing credit checks etc will b looming... I find a letter he had written to me stating he is drinking daily. 4 cans of beer a day, but feels dependant and anxious if he can't have it. He has had a credit card this yr to pay for it which his mum has paid off (borrowing) for him. He has spent £2000 of our savings (or will have done once he's paid off the overdraft he's in)

He spoke to his mum about it and not me
He lied and broke my trust again
I was so excited our our upcoming plans and although financial we can still do them I am thinking wot if in 5 yrs time this happens again.

I know it's up to me what to do. Can't afford mortgage etc on my own. Don't want to, want to be a family!

Sorry for the rant and I know no one else can fix this but some opinions wud b appreciated.

Tia

Horace

Keep your money separate from his and don't keep bailing him out either nor should his mum. If people keep bailing him out then he is never going to learn how to handle money. Don't have any joint accounts or joint names on credit cards or even a mortgage because if he spends money like water now then there is always the temptation to get into more debt and if everything is in joint names, you become liable for that debt.

He isn't going to change.

Person_one

It sounds like he needs some help to stop drinking, and that he might be ready to get it and make a commitment to changing.

If he went to the GP, and got some support, and was completely open and honest with you, how would you feel? It doesn't sound from your post as though you hate him, or are furious, more sad and disappointed.

CH27

I'd also be worried that his mum is enabling him to keep running up debts & deceiving you.

leanne86

Thank u both. Most things r in joint name already and that won't be easy to alter (mortgages etc) he has agreed to cut up the credit card. I know his mum thinks she's helping him and our relationship but u r right it has just meant its taken longer for him to just admit what's happening.

Yes alcohol help is needed and I understand bad habits can develop and its easy to get stuck in a rut. I am like u say mainly sad and disappointed. I didn't want to have to be suspicious of him and I now will be until trust rebuilds. Just feel forced to forgive and forget for family's sake wen I am hurt n fearful of a reoccurance in the future.

Person_one

Have you spoken at all about him going to the GP and asking for help with his drinking? That seems to be the root of it.

leanne86

I have and he has said he will. Does appear to be a major factor here. I might speak to his mum too. I want to see his bank statements each month now for reassurance but if I am wanting him to be more responsible that feels like a backward step.

Person_one

leanne86 wrote: »

I have and he has said he will. Does appear to be a major factor here. I might speak to his mum too. I want to see his bank statements each month now for reassurance but if I am wanting him to be more responsible that feels like a backward step.

You might need to take a few steps back in order to get yourselves on the right path to go forward.