Feeling estranged

Crisp_£_note

Hi

Can anyone help me please? I have recently been feeling down again and happened to come across the MIND website and have realised I may suffer with depression on a regular basis. I am sure my Dr must realise this, when I have seen them for unrelated problems, as I have often been offered 'happy pills' but refused to accept the prescription as I would prefer to tackle my feelings in a more practical way than just popping pills that will change my bodies chemistry to give me a boost.

However since reading the MIND site I think I have more than just simple depression, unsure which category of mental health imbalance I may fall into but do feel I have at least one and thinking about it I have done for the past 10 - 14 years and I fear its just getting worse. Yet nobody has officially diagnosed me (well they haven't exactly sat down and said to me direct for all I know it maybe in my medical notes!)

Im going through an episode now where I feel estranged to life, the world and more worryingly my marriage! We don't have children just 2 dogs.

I feel so isolated and I just don't know how to handle it without feeling I am making a disgrace or fool of myself as the last thing I want is to be the centre of negative attention. I don't want to make a fuss either and ask family or friends for help.

I have been offered bereavement counselling after asking for it 2 years after my father died but that never got anywhere so I asked again and was told I am on the waiting list but its a long list well that was again a year or so ago and I still haven't heard anything. I know there are other self help I can turn to but ironically I don't consider myself in need and there are others before myself so I will wait for the GP referral.

I am also still waiting for the 'Time to talk' people to contact me just for some basic talking therapy as I have a lot bottled up inside me as you may have noticed. But again I seem to have slipped through the net despite asking or rather chasing it up with my GP several times now.

The only course I have been on was one for diabetes but it wasn't very helpful all it offered with any hope was the CBT which was short lived 2hr session and hasn't helped a lot as there were so many interruptions by other group participants plus it was a very cold room (last winter) with a small spot heater it was difficult to focus.

Even more recently was on an exercise programme thanks to the NHS Why Weight diet and fitness scheme but that came to an abrupt end after the instructor had to go for an operation and classes were suspended for a month at least and then a letter came to say the scheme is being transferred to a different supplier and although they will try to have a seamless transfer delays may be unavoidable. I haven't heard a thing since then although the month is not over yet I admit.

I just feel each time I attempt to reach out and ask or seek help I get knocked back in some way like nobody cares....least of all my husband unless I threaten to leave him (I am not suicidal so dont panic!) then he takes notice pays attention and is sympathetic for a couple days; until returning back to his love of work and income over his wife!

Thanks for reading I feel a little better now.

DKLS

Might be worth exploring with your GP if there is any low intensity CBT available in your area in the meantime there are some great resources on the NHS Mood Zone and the Living life to the Full Website. (Both free)

Keep trying to get the help you need.

Crisp_£_note

Thank you DKLS.

Horace

I was always averse to having anti-depressants and would try and soldier on which worked for a while. My aversion was caused by witnessing my mum being addicted to valium etc when I was a child - it was not pleasant and in a compus mentis moment she chucked all the pills down the loo and went cold turkey. I had a short course of anti-depressants last year which helped enormously plus when I stopped them (I just didn't ask for a repeat prescription) I have had no ill-effects. Maybe it is something you could consider? Keep pushing your GP, if he refuses to help then ask to see another GP in your practice.

Going for walks in the park also help as it gets you out in the fresh air which does improve your mental wellbeing.