Help and advice please

lostislost

Hi long time lurker here.

I am in a relationship and have been for 5 years, they have been mostly happy but for the past few months I have been feeling very down, I do suffer from depression and am on medication for it although I am not sure if the pills are working for me right now though.

I am just really really unhappy and down, nothing is making me happy, my partner is aware of how I feel but she doesn't understand and I just get told I am being cold towards her and she doesn't know what to do. I think that I want to end the relationship but I just don't know how and if I have the courage to do it. I gave up my council flat to move in with her, I have nowhere I could go and I mean nowhere. I don't work and have no savings, those problems scare me.

All my thoughts are jumbled and I find it hard to express them, every day is the same and it sucks, we live in a city I don't drive, I really don't like living here I think that is part of the problem.
There is probably more I could write but I am so confused

19lottie82

Hi OP, to be clear I am not giving medical advice here, but I really think you need to go back to your GP so he can rework your meds.

Maybe try and get on more of an even keel before you take the leap of splitting up with your partner.

[Deleted User]

Please see a GP, explain how bad you are feeling, that it is jeopardising your relationship. Ideally you should be referred to a CMHT (community mental health team) and for some kind of talking therapy as well as medications.

It might help to download & print this leaflet for your GF http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/#.UzaoqqjdLhk

Don't make any major decisions whilst you are ill - wishing you all the best

marisco_2

lostislost wrote: »

I am in a relationship and have been for 5 years, they have been mostly happy

I think you should be hesitant to give up on a long term relationship that has been happy on the whole, without first looking at approaching your gp and seeing if an adjustment to your medication might help. Depression can cloud a persons judgement and their view on their circumstances. Waiting till you have a clear and calm perspective, before making such big life changing decisions, could save you a lot of heartache long term.

Your partner may seem to not be showing a lot of patience or understanding of your condition right now. Please bare in mind the impact that what you suffer will be having on her too though. When one partner is depressed, a relationship is depressed. This can erode emotional and sexual intimacy and suffuses a relationship with pessimism, resentment, anger and isolation. She may be overwhelmed by extra responsibility that she doesn't feel able to ask you to take on and/or be feeling that she is somehow to blame for how you are day to day. She may feel alone and may simply wonder when the sparkle and happiness, the humor and fun seeped out of your relationship. If she is also picking up on how dissatisfied you feel with where you live that could be adding strain and pressure to an already fragile situation.

Work on your communication with each other and try to have a really frank and open discussion with her. Are either of you open to the idea of counselling to help you through this rough patch? I wish you all the best and hope you can sort this out over time.

rachiibell

I have no advice as I am feeling quite similar to you in terms of relationship issues and depression. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and wish you all the best.

lostislost

Thank you for the replies. I am going to the doctor's on Monday re the med's, I told my OH this and her reply was that she will come with me and although she loves me something needs to change. See that reply to me has hurt, It's like I have her support but I also feel a lot of pressure..my god I know something needs to change and I am taking the first step towards that.
There is no intimacy between us anymore, no fun. no laughter, I know this is a major problem I just wish I knew how to get it back

ani*fan

Hi there lostislost


I'm sorry you're feeling so low just now. *hugs* I don't have any answers but just wanted to share a couple of thoughts.


The first thing I wondered was if you've talked to your girlfriend about how unhappy you are living in the city. Were you a country person before moving in with her? Or living in a town or village? Cities can be big and anonymous and horrible for people who prefer small communities. After the initial excitement of moving, the reality of this situation may be having a serious impact on your mental health. Would she consider moving somewhere you like better?


You've had some good advice already about going to your GP, and I'd support that and say do see your GP.


However, you also said you may want to leave your partner and I don't think you would have mentioned that unless these thoughts were very important to you. Please keep in mind that staying in a relationship you don't want to be in can make you depressed. It's miserable for anyone. Staying because you have nowhere else to go is not a reason to stay. Medicating yourself to be able to manage in a dead relationship is not an answer either.


My advice would be to have a think about what you would do if you were to leave. Who would help you and where would you go at first? You don't have to follow this plan through; you may get your meds changed and everything gets better. However, you will feel less trapped if you know you have some options and that you're making a real choice in staying with your partner.


I wish you well and hope you feel better soon.

McKneff

lostislost wrote: »

Thank you for the replies. I am going to the doctor's on Monday re the med's, I told my OH this and her reply was that she will come with me and although she loves me something needs to change. See that reply to me has hurt, It's like I have her support but I also feel a lot of pressure..my god I know something needs to change and I am taking the first step towards that.
There is no intimacy between us anymore, no fun. no laughter, I know this is a major problem I just wish I knew how to get it back

So you know that something needs to change but are hurt because your partner has voiced the same concern. I don't see why you should be hurt.
to be honest. Would she be hurt if you said the same thing to her. Probably not.


Good luck at the GPs on Monday

ciderwithrosie_2

Sorry but I think your partner is a saint. She is still supporting you despite the depression, no job, no money and no intimacy or fun times and you get upset because she's been honest with you - clearly she is concerned for the future of your relationship too. What exactly is she getting out of it?

You have to find a way to stop looking inward at how the world is affecting you and consider the affect you are having on the world (or to scale it down, your partner).

dandelionclock30

Have you thought about asking for counselling as well?. Some people find it usefull others dont, but you can give it a try and see if it works for you.Then at least you would have the opportunity to work through what is upsetting you.
Also in big cities there tends to be places like Mind that do various groups etc for people with various mental health issues like depression . You might find that some of these are usefull and helpfull to you. There are also various self help groups run by other sufferers as well. Ask your G.P what is available where you live. Also do a search online.
I personally think its beneficial to sort out what it is thats upsetting you and try to rectify that.If you need advise about leaving a relationship with nowhere to go to then go to the CAB and ask for help. Dont feel trapped as there are always answers and things can be moved forward. Hope you feel better soon.

meritaten

lostislost wrote: »

Thank you for the replies. I am going to the doctor's on Monday re the med's, I told my OH this and her reply was that she will come with me and although she loves me something needs to change. See that reply to me has hurt, It's like I have her support but I also feel a lot of pressure..my god I know something needs to change and I am taking the first step towards that.
There is no intimacy between us anymore, no fun. no laughter, I know this is a major problem I just wish I knew how to get it back

Yes, but the important thing is 'She loves me'. and you already know something has to change - but, you have taken her saying it as if its a negative. Hun, she wants the fun back, the laughter and the intimacy. she isn't the enemy - the enemy is your depression. Going with you to your appointment is a sign of support - take comfort in that.