How to mark Mother's Day for mums who are dying?

growler834

I don't wish to hi-jack 'heartbrokenaunt's' thread but I am in a slightly different position in that I don't know what to do for my mum & mum-in-law for Mother's Day.
MIL has Alzheimers & has been ill in a care home since Christmas. She is now semi-conscious & not expected to be with us for very much longer. My mum is in hospital & is fully alert & aware but she has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer & has only months left with us. She suddenly & unexpectedly became paralysed 3 weeks ago due to tumours on her spine so has gone from an active fell walker to a wheelchair user within days.
So how can I show my wonderful mum how much I love her on this special day & how can I show my lovely MIL, who I have cared for for 4 years, that she is loved by us although she may not be aware that tomorrow is a special day?

Angie

mountainofdebt

Please please don't take this wrongly as I really don't want to upset you at this difficult time, but do you need to do anything different to show these two important people in your life that you love them?

I'm a strong believer that its what you do for people all throughout the year that counts not on days designated by the marketing people

I know you will mark the day for these two special ladies but don't stress wondering if what you decide is ok -just do it it .....that way it comes from the heart x

elsien

I'm sorry to hear your families having such a difficult time at the moment.
If practical, time spent with people is the way to go.
For mil, even if she's not aware you're there or who you are, you could do a sensory or memory box of things that have a good association for her. If she can smell or touch something that remind her of her partner, children, family life, she can still remember the good emotions even if she doesn't remember the specific events,
For mum it may depend on how she's feeling physically and emotionally. Can she get out at all, even into the hospital grounds?

[Deleted User]

How about a memory box for your Mum? Collect together lots of things in a box that remind you of her (favourite biscuits, flowers, photos, perfume etc). Write some notes on nice paper about funny times you had together and other personal memories and include these and photos. You can then spend time chatting about how great a Mum she is.

For your Mum-in-law how about something to make her comfy. A beautiful bed jacket, throw or pillow, or even some of her favourite music.

Sorry to hear your troubles and I hope Mothers' Day is special for all of you.

Spider

Mojisola

growler834 wrote: »

MIL has Alzheimers & has been ill in a care home since Christmas. She is now semi-conscious & not expected to be with us for very much longer.

My mum is in hospital & is fully alert & aware but she has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer & has only months left with us. She suddenly & unexpectedly became paralysed 3 weeks ago due to tumours on her spine so has gone from an active fell walker to a wheelchair user within days.

So how can I show my wonderful mum how much I love her on this special day & how can I show my lovely MIL, who I have cared for for 4 years, that she is loved by us although she may not be aware that tomorrow is a special day?

Like mountainofdebt, I don't think you need to do anything over the top to show that you love them - they know this because you are showing them every day by the care and attention you are giving them.

I would go so far as to say do something that feels right for you - you are already preparing to grieve for them and know that this will be their last Mother's Day. Do something that you will look back on happily on next year's MD.

[Deleted User]

On Mothering Sunday (the original British Christian festival - now hijacked by the commerical side of life) we honour those women who have been mothers to us.

A card and a garden posy plus a special hug would be nice - something to signify "you are special to me/us, and I honour and love you".

CH27

growler834 wrote: »

I don't wish to hi-jack 'heartbrokenaunt's' thread but I am in a slightly different position in that I don't know what to do for my mum & mum-in-law for Mother's Day.
MIL has Alzheimers & has been ill in a care home since Christmas. She is now semi-conscious & not expected to be with us for very much longer. My mum is in hospital & is fully alert & aware but she has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer & has only months left with us. She suddenly & unexpectedly became paralysed 3 weeks ago due to tumours on her spine so has gone from an active fell walker to a wheelchair user within days.
So how can I show my wonderful mum how much I love her on this special day & how can I show my lovely MIL, who I have cared for for 4 years, that she is loved by us although she may not be aware that tomorrow is a special day?

Angie

Your love for them both shines through & your presence will be more important to them than anything else.

growler834

Thank you all for your suggestions. The memory boxes are a great idea, however MIL already has the one we did when she went into the care home & the only sense she still has is her hearing - we play her favourite music to her every day but she doesn't seem to be aware of that now either. My niece is already putting together a memory box for my mum (her gran) & we can't take flowers as suggested by joolzred as flowers aren't allowed on hospital wards anymore.

I know it's a bit late now for tomorrow but I'm thinking that I will take lots of family photos in for mum & ask her to choose her favourite (with her & dad on). I will then get it blown up & put on canvas so she can look at it when she comes home & it will a lovely reminder for dad when mum is no longer with us.

pinkmami

I'm also agreeing with mountainofdebt.

I think that mothers should be appreciated every day not just then the calendar mentions it & the price of flowers, chocolates increase for the sake of making a profit. I lost my mother 5 yrs ago & MIL 4 yrs ago. I absolutely hate Mother's Day. Its the most painful day of the calendar if you have lost your mum (same with those who have lost their dads with Fathers Day). I get so upset over this weekend. My children don't buy me anything as I've explained to them that I don't need a card & flowers to know they love me. They understand why I get upset.

Its more important to show your love on any other day....which you obviously do.