Husband leaving need some advice please.

needing-help

After 20 years of marriage my husband has decided we are to different and he wants to leave. We have 3 kids and our oldest will be doing gcse's in June so we agreed to wait until after that before we told them and he went.
The trouble is hubby barely speaks to me now and I feel like he is punishing me even though its his choice. I don't want my son to be affected if I ask him to leave now.
I'm still in shock to be honest

JR4

Sorry to hear this is happening to you my husband walked out on me and our 4 kids 2 months ago it is hard but if it was me I would ask him to leave now if things are that bad the children will notice. Good luck with whatever you choose and please feel free to inbox me if you need any more help it is not easy take one day at a time. X

needing-help

Thank you for your reply and I'm so sorry it happened to you. I really don't know how I'm going to cope.
I just worry that if he goes now it will affect our oldest and it's so close to his exams. He is forecast mostly A and A* and I don't want to do anything to ruin his chances, he's not a thicky like his mum

C_Mababejive

I dont think he is punishing you. Its just the pain of realisation of what has been done and what needs to be done which makes him sad perhaps?

pollypenny

Oh, you poor thing. No ideas, just sympathy.

I think we were discontented around the time our two were that age, but we weathered it, thank god!

fivetide

You are both in limbo. You've spoken about it, made a decision but can't carry it through. It's not going to be easy. Have another talk about it because it will be obvious to your kids and chances are you'll be upsetting them as much right now as you will with the eventual split.


You won't play happy families but is there a way you can find to try and coexist for a while or activities you can do to get away from each other if you need to wait until he finds somewhere to live?


Hope it gets sorted though. Must be tough

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's probably obvious to your kid that things aren't right, which can be even more stressful than getting the separation over and done with.

My teenager has had a year of her dad and step mum splitting up but staying in the same house whilst trying to make sure they both get 'what's theirs'. She has been terrible at school, her GCSEs have suffered, she's almost constantly on report and some of her grades (for a straight As kid) have plummeted to Ds and Es.

Yesterday afternoon, she discovered she was homeless, so is now back at mine until he's sorted somewhere else to live. Just as she's starting Controlled Assessments.

Had they just got on with it a year ago, I think she would have found it so much easier than having the ignoring, the petty squabbles, the rows, the backbiting and suchlike going on, never mind the big problem of the house.

I'd seriously consider whether the atmosphere at home would be calmer if he made a dignified exit sooner rather than later.

needing-help

Thank you all so much. I have had a talk with him and he said it's been coming for the last 2 years (he could have mentioned it before!!!) So I told him if its been that long he can dam well put up with it for another couple of months for his sons sake and stop being such an !!!!!!! I even shocked myself.

I have been looking into what sort of help me and the kids will get once he goes but it's a minefield I just can't work it out. I don't want to have to move but we hace a pretty big mortgage

BitterAndTwisted

Have you consulted the turn2us website?

If your own wages/salary and benefits won't be enough to cover the mortgage-payments and leave enough for you and the kids to live on, either your husband will have to fill the gap or you sell up and split the proceeds fairly taking into account how long your kids will continue to remain dependent.

There is a lot to be said for not being held hostage to someone else's goodwill and having some certainty even if that means not enjoying the same lifestyle you've always had.

needing-help

Thanks. I've had a look but I confuse myself lol. I'm on contribution based esa at the moment and doing supported permitted work.
Obviously if we had to sell then I would its just that most of the kids friends live round here and I want to keep things as normal as I can for them.