Helping a friend

bris

You will regret it and be back here in 6 months asking how to get him to pay. He is a chancer preying on your good nature, but you have been warned.

Got to hand it to him though asking for 8k is really going for the jugular and the fact you need to borrow it in the first place is madness.

dealer_wins

If he really is the bestest of best friends, then give him the money if you really want to help him.

But if you lend him the money and expect it back then you will be in for a disappointment and most likely the end of the friendship as well.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

As others have stated give on the basis that you will not get this money back. If you do, consider it a bonus for helping a friend in need. Giving the money is no problem, asking for it back is another matter which opens a can of worms!

I have had to sit on my hands with a relative recently, the demands letters kept on coming in, I forced the person to open the letters and sit down and do a budget on how much they could afford to pay back week by week. The debts are now paid off and they have learnt a valuable lesson in how to manage their money (hopefully). I pointed that I would not always be there to bail them out, I needed them to learn this lesson whilst I was still here. In the end when I thought it was getting too much for them I did offer the cash, but to their credit they refused my help and sorted the problem out themselves. Tough love does work!

AMD

Di_B

Either offer a gift of money, or give the bigger gift of helping him get out of his difficulty.
Don't offer a loan - it is the worst thing you can do in my opinion.

A lot of people throw money at those bad with debts. All it does is allow them to think they can always get out of it, so eventually they get back into debt again. It's a vicious circle. I know several of these people. They don't mean to do it, it's just normal for them.

I'd recommend sitting down with him, going through his income and outgoings, listing his debts, seeing how he can reduce outgoings/reduce interest/get agreed payment structures would all be so much better.
Keep tabs on him each month - be his banker if you will (never a guarantor of course!!) - show him how to manage his money.

It would make him own and be responsible for his past. It would help him clear it up and get on the straight and narrow.
If he doesn't want this help, then I suggest you leave the offer there and allow him to get worse into debt. He has to want to change. THere is no quick fix.


I did all this for a friend a year ago. He used his work bonus (not in th er '000's) to stabalise his bank account/worst creditors.
He then sought advice and started calling his creditors instead of hiding from them. When they realised he was serious about repaying they put him on plans (of £20-£30 a month per loan)

Since then, he has all bills up to date, the 2 long term loans on regular payment plans, the arrears on gas/electric are getting there, he has saved up for and had a small holiday, he has saved up for and purchased outright a £650 car (which goes well - I guess it is choosing sensibly?).
This is all HIS doing. He can do it on his own. I am so proud of him. He wonders how he squandered money :-)

Teaching your friend to live within his means and take responsibility will be hard, but both you and he should find it valuable and rewarding.

Hope sharing this experience helps you - good luck - you sound like such a kind person!

PoorCharleyBear

You should read the 'lending money to friends and family'thread...it will open your eyes to best friends/trustworthy people family members.

I loaned my niece (known her for 30 years since birth/very close/I'm her godmother etc) a large sum of money which she did not want to pay back once she had her house....we no longer talk after a solicitors letter was the only way to make her see I was not taking it lying down.

As others have said- don't.