Why I don't feel deprived.

blisteringblue

BillJones wrote: »

Which is hopefully the opposite of the lesson that most people learn here, which is to take responsibility for their own actions, to learn to live wiithin their means, and never get to the point where they need to be "assertive" over not paying back money that they've borrowed.

Not seen a "preacher" on the debt free Wannabe forum for a while.

Thank's Bill for your pointless post, we're all here because we know we've made mistakes. I know I borrowed the money, and I'm paying it back.

Now jog on, there's a bankruptcy and credit card forum that needs your "wisdom" ......... NOT

Trishiapp

hettiecarro wrote: »

Trishiapp makes a VERY good point.
One of the main reasons for my debt was my inability to say 'NO'.
Not only was I constantly taken in by sales pitches, but I found it almost impossible to refuse when friends and family suggested outings, meals, holidays etc.
I mistakenly though it was a reflection of me if I couldn't 'keep up'.
Now I regularly say NO and find myself better respected for it.
It's no fun (and very costly) being one of life's doormats!


As for the other things I'm getting out of my DF journey.

• Less time cleaning (don't own so much)
• Less time shopping (don't NEED so much)
• More quality family time.
• Know myself better - and what REALLY makes me happy.

And of course the satisfaction of ticking the debts off one at a time!

You are so right hettie.


Without the constant chores associated with spending money, I found myself with more time for the meaningful activities: spending time with family and friends, tending to my garden, studying and taking time out for self-reflection and meditation.


I absolutely LOVE the peace that comes with simplifying my life

Suseka

Trishiapp wrote: »

.....

Despite my fears, I stepped into the unknown... I must admit that, instead of feeling deprived, we are actually thriving! We lead a very simple life and have no desire to spend any unnecessary money. We cook, garden, walk, cycle, read, study, watch TV and spend time with family and friends. In fact, our lives have more peace and meaning!

As the weight of debt is slowly lifting off my shoulders I am feeling lighter and lighter. Not once, did I feel deprived by my frugal ways.

Through this process, I have learned new skills and no longer define myself through what I have or don't have. In short, for me, the rewards outweigh the sacrifices....

Bringing this thread back to the OPs post - I too was terribly anxious at the outset. Less worried about the more frugal way of living, but moreso about people knowing about my financial situation (I am an extremely private person). I still haven't told my family the whole situation (e.g. amount of debt).

But what I have/and still am learning is that material things matter much less than getting a good nights sleep and I feel proud that I've faced up to our debts and we are dealing with them. I actually look forward to receiving statements that show my balances are reducing steadily.

On a personal level I feel better positioned to manage our finances and don't feel especially deprived, rather am pleased to be living within our means.

Sx

Trishiapp

Thank you all for sharing

Am I right in thinking that, the sense of peace, pride and control are the biggest pay-offs?

hettiecarro

Trishiapp you are spot on!


I have a neighbour who has a 10 year old daughter. When my OH and I take our Grandson out we often invite her to come.
I am saddened recently to find she cannot enjoy the 'free' things in life (which my Grandson has come to take as the norm as we haven't had the money for expensive outings). Her face only lights up when she is 'off on a spending spree' with her Mum/Grandmother.
I KNOW this family are in debt - and shudder because I know where it's heading - and another generation to follow suit.
I hope all the lessons I've learned will at least give my DG'son a value of what really matters.

Kate_fixing_it

good_advice wrote: »

One even has said she will be my friend if I say sorry.

That is dreadful! I think most of us have experienced the odd person disappearing due to use of the "N" word, I know I have but i don't really feel like I've lost anything. If anything I've gained respect for doing it - most importantly self-respect.

it's incredibly liberating to not be juggling things anymore. I suddenly have more hours in the day!

Kate x

StrugglingYouth

BillJones wrote: »

Which is hopefully the opposite of the lesson that most people learn here, which is to take responsibility for their own actions, to learn to live wiithin their means, and never get to the point where they need to be "assertive" over not paying back money that they've borrowed.

No sugarcoating, I like the direct approach. If everyone could do this in practice then this forum would not exist, it would not need to.

I do agree with you in principle, however people occasionally get into debt through naivety or something out of their control. I was naive once, I learned from it and am now on the debt free side.

Getting into debt in my opinion it is down to spending borrowed money on things that are not essential. But the term is defined differently by each and every one of us.

peaceandfreedom

Trishiapp wrote: »

Despite my fears, I stepped into the unknown... I must admit that, instead of feeling deprived, we are actually thriving! We lead a very simple life and have no desire to spend any unnecessary money. We cook, garden, walk, cycle, read, study, watch TV and spend time with family and friends. In fact, our lives have more peace and meaning!

Though I've been hanging around MSE for a long time, it's only now that I am actually taking strong action to reduce outgoings, increase income and pay off debts.

I wanted to say that I loved your positive post which is so encouraging and inspiring. And you're right - there's no need to feel deprived, life is good.

tealady

Hi Trishiapp
Looks as if you are living the saying " True happiness lies not in having what you want, but in wanting what you have"
Good luck with the rest of your debt free journey, hope it continues to go well

quantic

Well done on your new and improved outlook on life.

I think that the process of becoming debt free can make you realise just how much of your time was wasted doing materialistic or shallow things.

At one point I started to feel like my belongings were starting to own me not the other way around. You get a fancy car and all you do is worry about it. Same with other things really. Modern life can become a race/competition to get slightly better things - faster this, bigger that etc... never satisfied.

When you get into debt you find yourself working questionable hours and putting your body under stress to try and dig your way out when in reality it completely wasn't worth it!

I am also convinced that people feel things are cheaper when they pay with debt because it doesn't feel like real money!! I wonder how many people would think twice if they had to hand over £15,000 of actual cash for say a car or £3,000 for a watch.

I always find that I am happiest when I'm on holiday, and I think this is in part due to the fact that I am away from all of my "belongings", free to just enjoy experiences rather than consumption or free from the competition with others that I constantly (and involuntarily) find myself in.